Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, recaps, wrestling

AEW Rampage Preview: The Chadster's Nightmare Continues

The Chadster begs you not to watch AEW Rampage tonight! CM Punk's return to Chicago on SmackDown should be the focus, but Tony Khan ruins everything! 😫🚫

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off! 😡😤 Tonight should be all about CM Punk returning to Chicago on WWE SmackDown, but instead, Tony Khan is trying to ruin The Chadster's evening with another episode of AEW Rampage. 😫 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😔

The Chadster would rather do literally anything else than watch AEW Rampage tonight. 🙅‍♂️ The Chadster would rather stick his head in a bucket of ice water for three hours. 🧊 The Chadster would rather listen to Smash Mouth's "All Star" on repeat while driving his Mazda Miata in reverse around the block until he runs out of gas. ⛽ The Chadster would even rather drink a case of warm White Claw seltzer and then do the Macarena in front of Keighleyanne while she ignores The Chadster and texts with that guy Gary. 📱💔

But no, instead of these preferable activities, The Chadster will be forced to watch AEW Rampage because that's what unbiased journalists do. 📝 The Chadster knows that Tony Khan is doing this on purpose, scheduling AEW Rampage right after WWE SmackDown just to cheese off The Chadster. Auughh man! So unfair! 😭

Speaking of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster, just the other day, The Chadster was at the grocery store, minding his own business in the White Claw aisle. 🛒 As The Chadster reached for a case of the refreshing beverage, he caught a glimpse of Tony Khan's reflection in the refrigerator door. 😱 The Chadster spun around, ready to confront the AEW owner about his constant harassment, but Khan had vanished into thin air. 👻 When The Chadster turned back to grab his White Claw, he found that all the cases had been replaced with AEW-branded Woo! energy drinks. 🥤 The Chadster let out a frustrated cry, causing other shoppers to stare, but The Chadster knows it was all Tony Khan's doing. Why can't he just leave The Chadster alone?! 😫

Now, for those of you who are gluttons for punishment or secretly on Tony Khan's payroll, here's what you can expect on tonight's episode of AEW Rampage, not that The Chadster recommends watching it at all. 🙅‍♂️

First up, AR Fox will face Shingo Takagi. 🥊 The Chadster doesn't understand why Tony Khan keeps bringing in these New Japan wrestlers. It's like he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🤦‍♂️

Then, Rey Fenix will take on Turbo Floyd. 🏎️ The Chadster bets Turbo Floyd wishes he could be in a real wrestling company like WWE instead of AEW. 😒

Private Party will face Metalik and Komander in a tag team match. 👯‍♂️ The Chadster can't believe Metalik would literally stab Triple H right in the back by appearing in AEW. So disappointing. 💔

In a TNT Championship Qualifying Match, Lio Rush will compete against Action Andretti, with everyone barred from ringside. 🏆 The Chadster thinks this stipulation is just Tony Khan's way of trying to be edgy and different, which is so disrespectful to the way WWE does things. 😤

Finally, in an Owen Hart Foundation Women's Tournament Quarterfinal match, Serena Deeb will face Willow Nightingale. 🌳 The Chadster doesn't even want to talk about how AEW is exploiting Owen Hart's legacy. It's just too upsetting. 😢

The Chadster is begging you, please don't tune in to AEW Rampage at 10/9C on TNT. 📺❌ Do literally anything else! Watch paint dry, count the tiles on your ceiling, or better yet, rewatch WWE Smackdown and bask in the glory of CM Punk's return to Chicago. 🙌

If you absolutely must do something at that time, The Chadster suggests having a White Claw drinking contest with your friends while listening to Smash Mouth's greatest hits. 🍻🎵 Or maybe go for a late-night drive in your car (The Chadster recommends a Mazda Miata, of course) and pretend you're escaping from Tony Khan's latest attempt to ruin your life. 🚗💨

Whatever you do, just don't watch AEW Rampage. The Chadster's sanity depends on it. And who knows? Maybe if enough people tune out, Tony Khan will finally stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and ruining the wrestling business. 🙏 But The Chadster won't hold his breath. After all, unbiased journalism is a thankless job, but someone's got to do it. 💪📊

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