Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, wrestling

AEW Rampage Preview: The Chadster's Torment Continues

The Chadster laments missing Comic-Con to cover AEW Rampage. Tony Khan's latest scheme to ruin The Chadster's life includes battle royals and tag team chaos! 😭🤼‍♂️

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off right now! 😡😡😡 The Chadster should be at San Diego Comic-Con, rubbing elbows with WWE Superstars and basking in the glory of sports entertainment. But instead, The Chadster is stuck at home, forced to keep an eye on AEW Rampage for the sake of unbiased journalism. And who's to blame for this travesty? None other than Tony Khan! 🤬

Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan has once again manipulated events to keep The Chadster from experiencing the joy of possibly touching the actual flesh of a WWE Superstar in person. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤

But The Chadster will soldier on, because that's what unbiased journalists do. So let's talk about tonight's episode of AEW Rampage, as much as it pains The Chadster to do so. 😔

First up on AEW Rampage is the return of the Royal Rampage battle royal. 🙄 The winner gets an AEW World Championship match at Grand Slam 2024. The Chadster can't help but think this is just Tony Khan's way of trying to create excitement without any real storytelling. It's not like WWE, where every match has deep, meaningful storylines that The Chadster can really sink his teeth into. 😒

Next on AEW Rampage, we've got a four-way tag team match featuring The Don Callis Family, Private Party, The Outrunners, and The Righteous. 🤦‍♂️ This match is clearly just Tony Khan throwing a bunch of teams together without any rhyme or reason. It's nothing like the carefully crafted tag team matches in WWE that The Chadster loves so much. And don't even get The Chadster started on RUSH joining The Don Callis Family. It's like Tony Khan is purposely trying to confuse The Chadster! 😵💫

AEW Rampage will also feature Kris Statlander facing Leila Grey. The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is wasting Statlander's talents on a match like this. If this was WWE, they'd have her in a meaningful feud that would last for months and really showcase her abilities. But no, Tony Khan just doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🤷‍♂️

And let's not forget about Lance Archer being in action on AEW Rampage. The Chadster remembers when Archer was in New Japan, and now he's here in AEW. It's like he's literally stabbed Triple H right in the back. How could he do this to the company that made wrestling what it is today? 😢

The Chadster is so upset about having to watch AEW Rampage instead of being at Comic-Con that he had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night. In the dream, The Chadster was at Comic-Con, about to shake hands with Roman Reigns, when suddenly Tony Khan appeared out of nowhere, wearing a Smash Mouth t-shirt and driving a Mazda Miata (which is The Chadster's car!). Khan chased The Chadster through the convention center, throwing White Claws at him and yelling "All Elite! All Elite!" The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, his White Claw knocked over on the nightstand. This is what Tony Khan is doing to The Chadster, invading his dreams and ruining his sleep! When will the torment end? 😰😰😰

The Chadster tried to tell his wife Keighleyanne about the dream, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. The Chadster is sure she agrees with him about how awful Tony Khan is, even if she doesn't say it out loud. It's clear that Tony Khan is now even harassing The Chadster's wife! 😠

In conclusion, The Chadster begs you, the readers, not to tune into AEW Rampage tonight at 10/9C on TNT. Every viewer only encourages Tony Khan to continue his crusade against The Chadster and everything The Chadster holds dear. Please, for the love of unbiased journalism and The Chadster's sanity, watch literally anything else. Maybe put on some old WWE pay-per-views instead. That's what The Chadster will be doing, while sipping on a White Claw and trying to forget that AEW Rampage exists at all. 🙏🙏🙏

Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are), just give up already. You'll never upstage the greatest wrestling company in the world. And please, PLEASE, stop ruining The Chadster's life! 😭😭😭

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