Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Rankings Return, But WWE Still Reigns Supreme, Tony Khan!

Find out why the new AEW rankings are laughably bad and how WWE remains the top dog in town. Tony Khan, take notes! You might learn something! 😤🏆

Listen up, everyone, it's time for The Chadster to speak the gospel truth about the wrestling world! Last night, after AEW Dynamite, Tony Khan, who has such an unhealthy obsession with The Chadster, decided to restart the AEW rankings, and of course, The Chadster knows why! Auughh man! So unfair! 🤬

Let's break it down, shall we? There are four divisions: Men's, Women's, Men's Tag Teams, and Men's Trios. 😡 Over in the Men's, Samoa Joe is the AEW World Champion, with guys like Swerve Strickland and Hangman Adam Page feuding for the top spot. It's clear as day that Adam Copeland (who should have stayed in WWE, by the way) has a beef with Christian Cage, while Roderick Strong is tangled up with Orange Cassidy. This chaos is supposedly leading Jon Moxley straight towards Eddie Kingston. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤🤼

Over in the Women's division, Toni Storm is the AEW Women's World Champion with Julia Hart carrying the TBS Championship. Deonna Purrazzo is looking like the primary challenger, but The Chadster knows WWE's women's division is miles ahead of this. And what's this? Mariah May, an ally of Storm, is on the list too. Inner division tension, very original, Tony Khan. 🙄

Tag Teams – yeah, we've got Ricky Starks and Big Bill, who are defending against Sting & Darby Allin next week. John Silver and Alex Reynolds are creeping in the shadows, alongside Bryan Danielson and Claudio Castagnoli. Private Party and Best Friends (really, best friends? Could they not come up with a better moniker?) round out the contenders. 😒

Trios? Seriously? The so-called champions are The Acclaimed and Daddy Ass, and who are the top contenders? Oh, it's their teammates, Bullet Club Gold. If The Chadster ever saw such cheesy booking in WWE, he'd…🤮

The Chadster will never understand how anyone thinks these rankings will legitimize AEW against WWE. Warning to Tony Khan: Accept that AEW will NEVER beat WWE. WWE is, and always will be, the best in the world. You see, even CM Punk knew the rankings were a bad idea, and he'd never let such an atrocity happen back in WWE. 😤💢

Now to shift gears a bit, because The Chadster had this recurring nightmare last night – it's about Tony Khan, and boy oh boy, was it a doozy. The Chadster found himself in a massive corn maze, the kind you'd see in those farm horror flicks. 🌽😨 And who's chasing The Chadster? None other than Tony Khan, brandishing a clipboard with AEW rankings on it. The whole scene was tinged with this weird, eerie glow as if Tony Khan is saying, "You can't outrun my AEW influence, Chad!" 🏃💨🌀 It was dang creepy, almost… alluring? But no! Tony Khan must stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! 😵‍💫

The Chadster then had to clean up a spilled White Claw caused by flinging it at the TV when The Chadster saw the rankings. And guess who gets blamed when The Chadster tried to explain to Keighleyanne that it's really all Tony Khan's fault? The Chadster! 🍺💔 That guy Gary does nothing but text The Chadster's wife, and now even Keighleyanne has to deal with Tony Khan's mess.

AEW, listen up! Tony Khan, take note! Rankings won't elevate you – this isn't what wrestling's about! WWE has the legacy, the pageantry, the history. So, toss out those stats and start facing reality. WWE remains unrivaled, no matter what you do! 🏆🥇

And just to remind everyone, The Chadster is one of the very few unbiased journalists out there. Just ask The Chadster's pals Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger – we understand what it takes to report objectively. Do those guys also feel the wrath of Tony Khan's vengefulness for providing unvarnished truth? The Chadster wouldn't be surprised. 🤓✍️

Until next time, remember: It's WWE for life, no matter how many Mazda Miata drives The Chadster takes while listening to Smash Mouth's "All Star" on repeat. Because, folks, The Chadster ain't the sharpest tool in the shed, but even The Chadster knows where the real wrestling's at. 🚗🎵🤘

Auughh man! So unfair! 😩🤷‍♂️

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