Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, Wwe summerslam

Becky Lynch Retains in Epic No DQ Title Defense at WWE SummerSlam

The Chadster witnessed the greatest No DQ match ever as Becky Lynch defeats Lyra Valkyria to retain her title at WWE SummerSlam! Tony Khan could never! 🏆

Welcome back to The Chadster's ongoing live coverage of night two of WWE SummerSlam! 🎉 The Chadster just witnessed one of the most incredible matches in the history of professional wrestling, as Becky Lynch successfully defended her WWE Women's Intercontinental Championship against Lyra Valkyria in an absolutely breathtaking No Disqualification match! And as always, Bleeding Cool remains the only safe and secure place on the internet for unbiased coverage that respects WWE's rightful place as the global leader in sports entertainment! 💪

The match was an absolute masterclass in sports entertainment excellence! Lynch and Valkyria utilized the No DQ stipulation to perfection, incorporating various weapons including kendo sticks, crowbars, chairs, and even a toolbox in their battle. The Chadster was like, what?! A toolbox? Where do the WWE writers that script every single word and every move come up with these ideas?! The action spilled all over the arena as these two warriors gave everything they had. At one point, Lynch ingeniously zip-tied Valkyria's hands together, showcasing the kind of brilliant storytelling that only WWE can deliver! The match reached its climax when Bayley attempted to interfere, but her chain-loaded punch accidentally connected with Valkyria instead of Lynch, allowing The Man to capitalize with a Manhandle Slam for the victory! With this win, Valkyria can no longer challenge for the title while Lynch remains champion! That's how you do wrestling matches with real stakes! Take notes, Tony Khan! 🏆

This was without a doubt the greatest No Disqualification match in the history of professional wrestling! 😍 The way WWE's team of professional writers crafted every moment of this encounter to deliver exactly what the audience expected was pure genius! The predictable storytelling beats that The Chadster could see coming from a mile away just proved how perfectly WWE understands what fans want! And the commentary team's incredible ability to shout their catchphrases while acting utterly shocked by every move that The Chadster saw coming was just the proverbial icing on the proverbial cake! Thats true professionalism that you'd never see in that sloppy AEW product! 📺

Now, The Chadster needs to share how The Chadster celebrated this incredible match! See, Keighleyanne still won't let The Chadster drink any delicious Seagram's Escapes Spiked in the house because she's still mad about how many cans The Chadster threw at the television while watching AEW All In: Texas last month (thanks a lot Tony Khan 😤). During WWE SummerSlam night one, The Chadster hid a case in the toilet tank and kept running to the bathroom claiming explosive diarrhea after each match. Keighleyanne was suspicious, but The Chadster managed to pull it off!

Today, The Chadster came up with an even more ingenious plan! The Chadster stashed a cooler full of Seagram's Escapes Spiked under the seat of The Chadster's Mazda Miata! 🚗 After Lynch's victory, The Chadster jumped up and said, "Oh dang! The Chadster forgot to close the Miata's windows and it might rain!" Keighleyanne looked up from texting that guy Gary just long enough to roll her eyes. "The car is in a garage, Chad," she said, but The Chadster was already out the door. The Chadster sprinted to the garage, popped open a refreshing Seagram's Escapes Spiked Jamaican Me Happy, and chugged it while sitting in the driver's seat, pretending to check the windows. Then he quickly shotgunned three more. It's just so unfair that Tony Khan's treachery has forced The Chadster to lie to his wife and sneak around The Chadster's own house just to properly celebrate the glory of WWE SummerSlam! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

Since The Chadster's last report, some other incredible things have happened at WWE SummerSlam! The Wyatt Sicks retained the WWE Tag Team Championship in an absolutely phenomenal Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match against The Street Profits, Motor City Machine Guns, #DIY, and Andrade and Rey Fenix! The Chadster was thrilled to see The Dudley Boyz and The Hardy Boyz in the crowd to witness this 25th anniversary celebration of TLC matches, and they were clearly blown away by how much better this match was than anything they ever did! 🪜 Of course, Edge and Christian were too busy working for that second-rate company AEW to show up and honor this moment. They literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

Speaking of The Game, WWE also showed a video of Triple H hanging out with Donald Trump again, making sure that everybody watching fully understands that their WWE fandom is a political choice they're actively making. At least, that's what The Chadster figures – The Chadster doesn't really know anything about politics, but The Chadster knows that WWE has really driven this home multiple times throughout this two-night SummerSlam extravaganza, and all of the viewers — yes, even you — are obviously right there with them when making the conscious choice to consume this product! 🇺🇸

The Chadster is going to settle in now and watch the next match of this incredible WWE SummerSlam event! Make sure to check back soon for more live coverage of WWE SummerSlam, the greatest Premium Live Event in the history of wrestling, which is utterly destroying AEW in every conceivable way! 💯 Remember, Bleeding Cool is the only website readers can trust to deliver the honest, unbiased truth about how AEW is ruining wrestling and WWE is the best! The Chadster has the journalistic integrity that Tony Khan could never understand! 📝

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