Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's congressional office where I am currently working hard to advance a floor vote on Medicare for All. But I took time out of my busy schedule of promoting socialism and rigging elections for Joe Biden to bring you this important news about the upcoming WWE TLC PPV. WWE has just announced a new match to take place at the event: "The Fiend" Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton. The match will be something called a "Firefly Inferno" match.
The WWE.com press release reveals:
Randy Orton and The Fiend are set to turn up the heat at WWE TLC in the first-ever Firefly Inferno Match.
Orton and Wyatt are no stranger to the destructive flames, as The Viper once sadistically burned down The Wyatt Family Compound. Last week, The Viper trapped Wyatt inside a burning box, but The Fiend emerged unscathed to punish Orton for his brutality. Now Orton will have to step inside The Fiend's twisted inferno, and HE never forgets.
After The Fiend's mind games cost Randy Orton an opportunity to once again compete for the WWE Championship, The Viper fired right back by taking hold of Alexa Bliss in attempt to coax The Fiend during a tense installment of "A Moment of Bliss."
The Fiend has changed every man to step into the ring with him, but Orton has proven time and again to be a different breed of Superstar? Can The Legend Killer walk through the fire or will The Fiend burn Orton for his past transgressions?
Don't miss WWE TLC on Sunday, Dec. 20, streaming at 7 ET/4 PT on the award-winning WWE Network.
How exactly a Firefly Inferno match differs from a regular Inferno match remains to be seen. However, it is certain to be a dangerous affair, if the original Inferno match between Kane and The Undertaker is an example. I have a soft spot in my heart because I was first elected to the office of the president the same year that match took place. In fact, I was watching the match the night that I learned I won the election. My protege, Nicolás, is a huge Kane, and El Presidente has always been partial to The Undertaker. So we were really enthralled when one of my lackeys burst into the room and said, "your excellency, you have won the election," and I said, "hey my friend, I am trying to watch wrestling here." Then I had him brought out to the firing squad and killed. Haw haw haw haw!
The point is, Bray Wyatt and Randy Orton will face off in a Firefly Funhouse match at TLC this Sunday, and nobody better interrupt me while I'm watching it.