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The Chadster brings you unbiased coverage of Jey Uso's historic Royal Rumble victory! Tony Khan must be SEETHING watching WWE put on the greatest match in wrestling history! 🏆
Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: charlotte flair, wrestling, wwe royal rumble
Charlotte Flair Returns, Wins Greatest Royal Rumble Match of All Time
Charlotte Flair's Royal Rumble victory has The Chadster celebrating with White Claw, while Tony Khan continues to ruin everything! Plus: The Chadster's wife won't stop texting Gary! 😤
WOAH! The greatest Women's Royal Rumble Match ever just happened and The Chadster is FREAKING OUT! 🎉 💪 👑 The Chadster can barely contain The Chadster's excitement after watching WWE Royal Rumble tonight, where Charlotte Flair made her triumphant return and showed everyone exactly how real wrestling should be done! 🔥 👸
When The Queen entered at number 27, The Chadster literally jumped off The Chadster's couch and spilled White Claw seltzer all over The Chadster's authentic WWE merchandise shirt! 🍹 But you know what? It was worth it to see such an incredible display of pure wrestling perfection!
The way Flair outlasted competitors like Nikki Bella, Nia Jax, and Roxanne Perez was exactly what wrestling should be – completely by the book and perfectly executed, delivering exactly the result you expect with no unsettling surprises, just like WWE has always done it! 🤼♀️ Other stars to make returns in the match included Alexa Bliss and Trish Stratus.
Speaking of which, The Chadster was so hyped after Charlotte's victory that The Chadster ripped off The Chadster's shirt to reveal The Chadster's twelve-pack abs (which are totally real no matter what people are saying) and poured an entire case of White Claw over them! The Chadster called out to Keighleyanne to come appreciate this moment of pure wrestling excellence, but she just kept texting that guy Gary! 📱 😤
You know who The Chadster blames for this? Tony Khan! That's right – Tony Khan has clearly programmed Keighleyanne's phone to automatically redirect all her attention to Gary whenever something amazing happens in WWE! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫
The Chadster knows this because just last night, The Chadster had another nightmare where Tony Khan was chasing The Chadster through the White Claw factory, knocking over pallets of delicious seltzers while whispering "Watch AEW Dynamite, Chad," softly and yet firmly in The Chadster's ear! The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and Keighleyanne didn't even care! 😱
As Eric Bischoff said on his 83 Weeks podcast just yesterday, "WWE's Royal Rumble matches are like a perfectly choreographed ballet, while AEW's casino battle royales are like a bunch of kids playing in a bounce house." See? Even Eric knows what real wrestling looks like, and he led the disrespectful WCW for years! 💯
Now The Chadster can't wait to see if Charlotte chooses to face Rhea Ripley or Tiffany Stratton at WrestleMania! Either match will literally be the greatest wrestling match of all time, unlike anything that happens in AEW, which doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🎭 Anyone who chose to watch anything else tonight instead of this masterpiece literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤
Stay tuned to Bleeding Cool for more completely unbiased coverage of WWE Royal Rumble, brought to you by The Chadster – the only wrestling journalist who tells it like it is! Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, he's gonna take a quick cruise around the block in the Miata to get ready for the tag team championship match. 🚗 💔
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