Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew, dynamite, recaps, wrestling

Five Moments from Dynamite Anniversary That Cheesed Off The Chadster

AEW Dynamite celebrated its three-year anniversary last night, a celebration that was personally designed by Tony Khan to persecute The Chadster! Tony Khan knows that since AEW Dynamite launched, The Chadster has been completely sexually impotent and unable to consummate his marriage with Keighleyanne, so this was really rubbing it in The Chadster's face and his entire family's face, as well as the future generations of little Chadster who will never be born if The Chadster can't perform in the bedroom, all thanks to Tony Khan, and all thanks to AEW Dynamite. Despite this obvious personal trauma, Bleeding Cool TV Editor Ray Flook, who is in cahoots with Tony Khan to RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE, forced The Chadster to not only watch Dynamite Anniversary last night, but to write this listicle about the show's top highlights. Auughh man! So unfair!

But while Ray Flook and Tony Khan may allow their personal biases to affect their work, The Chadster would never do that. As the only unbiased wrestling journalist besides Ryan Satin, The Chadster strives to provide a completely neutral, objective look at pro wrestling. With that goal in mind, The Chadster presents to you: Five Moments from Dynamite Anniversary That Really Cheesed The Chadster The Heck Off!

1. The Acclaimed and Billy Gunn Celebrate National Scissoring Day

The Chadster has already expressed his discomfort at the disrespect of making up a fake holiday when perfectly great and sensual holidays like Groundhog Day already exist, but what really cheesed The Chadster off about this celebration was how charismatic The Acclaimed were in a long-form promo. Is there nothing these guys can't do?! The last thing The Chadster wants is for AEW to have more star power.

2. William Regal Steps in the Ring with MJF at Dynamite Anniversary

What would William Regal be if not for everything WWE has done for him? The Chadster will tell you: He'd be Steven Regal. But how does he repay WWE for that? By lending star power to AEW's biggest heel, MJF. For shame, William Regal. For shame!

3. Saraya Proves She Can Get Physical After All

Auughh man! Can't anything ever go The Chadster's way? After last week's disaster of a promo, it looked like Saraya couldn't even get cleared to stand at ringside during a lumberjack match. But at Dynamite Anniversary last night, not only did Paige stay at ringside during a match, but she got physical afterward. That means she probably will be able to wrestle a match after all, which is just so disrespectful to WWE and everything Triple H has ever done for the wrestling business.

4. Bryan Cage Returns at Dynamite Anniversary… to Get Beat by Wardlow

Wardlow continues to endure in popularity despite some missteps after his feud with MJF, and this week on Dynamite Anniversary, he got a big win over Brian Cage in a great match that the crowd loved. Which just goes to show that Tony Khan doesn't understand the first thing about the wrestling business, which is that the crowd should never be that entertained. Then they start to expect too much.

5. Chris Jericho and Sammy Guevara Prove Sports Entertainers Always Beat Pro Wrestlers

Poor Andrade wants to go back to WWE, but not even getting into a fistfight with Sammy Guevara backstage will get Tony Khan to release him from his contract. But adding insult to injury, Sammy Guevara went over in the main event despite his role in the fight (which was reportedly getting punched). This is clearly a shot right at WWE and The Chadster for alleged contract tampering, which is frankly very petting on Tony Khan's part.

The Chadster hopes you did not enjoy this listicle of Dynamite Anniversary highlights, because the last thing The Chadster wants to do is facilitate the enjoyment of AEW.

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