Former WWE Star Marty Jannetty's Phone Stolen by Seagull

Legendary WWE wrestler Marty Jannetty is apparently doing well for himself lately. After spiraling in 2020 when he appeared to confess to a murder, which he later blamed on a pro wrestling storyline before attacking the Black Lives Matter movement, Jannetty's Facebook page has become far less embarrassing in recent months. The change in Jannetty's outlook appears to come from having surgery on his ankles, which has put the WWE legend in a new state of mind.

"I would like to thank the people at WWE for the positives on me lately(such as this article & HBK Biography).." said Jannetty, remarking on a new bio posted to WWE.com. "It will certainly help me clean up the mess I've made for the past 15 years trying to self medicate for pain and at times deep dark depression that I didn't tell even my brother about..but ankles are fixed..and the old MJ no longer exists..now older, much wiser and more determined than ever, you may not believe this NEW MJ is the same person as the last one!"

Marty Jannetty in better days.
Marty Jannetty in better days.

But despite brighter prospects in the human world, Marty Jannetty still finds himself in interspecies conflict. Everyone is aware of Jannetty's past rivalry with a goat named Trash McNasty who stole Jannetty's phone at an inopportune time. McNasty, who personally singled out Jannetty in the past, eating the former Intercontinental Champion's car keys when Jannetty tried to retrieve his stolen phone, chose to steal the phone just as hackers were allegedly preparing to commandeer Jannetty's Facebook account and make a post questioning whether Jannetty should have sex with a woman he once thought to be his daughter but who turned out to be unrelated, forcing Jannetty to issue a press release headlined "No Sex With Daughters!" That's not to be confused with the time Jannetty made a post questioning whether he should have sex with a potentially underage fan or the time he posted a photo of himself covered in white powder which he implied was cocaine.

Now, Jannetty has moved on to feuding with another species: the mighty seagull. Jannetty's phone has been stolen once again, and this time, the Rocker caught a hungry gull red-beaked as it snatched his phone.

"DUDE,WHERES MY PHONE??" Jannetty posted to Facebook. "See what had happened was,,,(hoping I wake up and this is just a bad dream)..on the beach in Jax'ville, Florida(where I'll be living soon) feeding slices of bread to the seagulls(loved doing that when I lived in Clearwater, Fl) my phone rang(Pat Tanaka was calling) started to answer but evidently my new white phone case appeared to be a slice of bread to one greedy azz bird and he swooped it out my hand and other greedy azz gulls trying to snatch it from him, he dropped it out in the shallow shore..my question is, b4 I swim out to try finding it, will the memory card still work after wet like that??? Have great pics on it that I want to keep."

Followers assured Jannetty that the memory card would indeed still work after taking a dip in the ocean, but Jannetty didn't follow up to indicate whether he retrieved the phone. In any clase, we're glad to see Jannetty is doing well, and we can only hope that his recent change in attitude is recognized by the animal community and that goats and birds stop stealing his personal belongings.

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy claims that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Unfortunately, nobody can tell when the comics industry has reached its "darkest days" because it somehow keeps finding new lows to sink to. No matter! Jude Terror stands vigilant, bringing the snarkiest of comic book and pro wrestling clickbait to the undeserving readers of Bleeding Cool.
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