Marty Jannetty Reconsiders No Sex with Daughters Policy

Former 1980s WWE Superstar Marty Jannetty is best known for the time he cowardly attempted to escape his former tag team partner Shawn Michaels by jumping through the barbershop window. Still, more recently, it's Jannetty's Facebook exploits, not his in-ring ones, that get all the attention. Jannetty, who was once offered $150,000 to star in a series of pornographic films, according to Marty Jannetty, released a press release in 2017 expressing a firm stance on not having sex with daughters.

Right about now, you might be wondering what confluence of strange and unusual circumstances led to a scenario where Marty Jannetty would have to issue such a press release. Still, we assure you there was a perfectly reasonable explanation. Jannetty made headlines around that time for a Facebook post which read, "If you love me as much as I loves you, you will give your opinion,,just did DNA( 2 weeks ago)..she's NOT my daughter..we both held out of sex because you don't do that..but now that we ain't???? From a guy's side ..SHES ****ING HOT..but..she's been daughter.. I want to too, but can't get past that.." However, in the subsequent press release, Jannetty explained that his phone had clearly been hacked, and also that a goat had recently eaten the phone. The goat, named Trash McNasty, had a habit of eating Jannetty's personal possessions, as when Jannetty tried to retrieve the phone, the goat also ate his car keys. So as you can see, that whole thing was blown entirely out of proportion.

But now, Jannetty, in his ongoing chronicles of women he has or wants to have sex with, has come to fans with a  new quandary: should he have sex with a girl who is the daughter of one of his fans. Jannetty writes, "Ok, I rarely do this, but gonna ask your advice..she claims 20, which in Bama is legal..BUT..does she look 20 to y'all..she said her mother is a huge fan of mine but she will f' me first..see, this is the sh*t y'all don't gotta deal with..do you think I don't want to? But..not trusting on the age."

Marty Jannetty's controversial facebook post.
Marty Jannetty's controversial facebook post.

We do have an answer for Jannetty's question, namely, if there's any question about the age, definitely do not have sex. No sex with underage girls, yes, even in Alabama, is a rule that should be as steadfast as "no sex with daughters." But before we waste time getting into the moral details, we're just going to give it a few days to make sure a goat has not once again eaten Jannetty's cell phone. We're onto you, Trash McNasty. No funny business here.

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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