Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: bianca belair, Damage CTRL, jade cargill, naomi, recaps, Wrestlemania, wrestling

Jade Cargill Victorious in First WrestleMania Match Proving WWE > AEW

The Chadster celebrates Jade Cargill's epic WrestleMania debut victory, proving once again that WWE is far superior to Tony Khan's AEW! 😎🙌 So unfair, right Tony?!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😡 Tony Khan can't compete with WrestleMania's epic show. 🤣 Welcome, wrestling fans, to The Chadster's unbiased coverage of WrestleMania, the most stupendous spectacle in sports entertainment! 🏟️ Get ready to experience true objective journalism, free from any pro-AEW bias. 😎 WrestleMania is the pinnacle of wrestling, and AEW will never reach its heights. 🙌 The Chadster bets Tony Khan was probably crying into his White Claw (which The Chadster only drinks the premium glow-in-the-dark collectors edition of) watching this epic event! 😭🍺

The Chadster was on the edge of his seat as Bianca Belair, Jade Cargill, and Naomi took on the dastardly Damage CTRL (Asuka, Dakota Kai, and Kairi Sane). 👊 This star-studded match saw Naomi start things off against Asuka with a dazzling display of dropkicks. 🤸‍♀️ Despite Damage CTRL's underhanded tactics, like Kai booting Naomi off the apron, 😤 Bianca Belair entered the fray with a flurry of lariats and an impressive delayed vertical suplex on Sane. 💪 The WWE Universe erupted in "We want Jade!" chants, 📣 and they were not disappointed!

Jade Cargill made her in-ring debut at WrestleMania in spectacular fashion, proving without a doubt that WWE knows how to book a star. 🌟 Take notes, Tony Khan! Cargill unleashed her power with elbows, boots, and a devastating chokeslam on Asuka. 💥 In the chaotic conclusion, a misfired mist from Asuka blinded Sane, 😵 opening the door for Naomi's sitout mat slam and Bianca's KOD on Asuka. Cargill then sealed Damage CTRL's fate by hitting the Jaded on Dakota Kai for the victory! 🙌 Talk about a WrestleMania moment!

The Chadster was so thrilled by this match, he opened up his special case of collectors edition glow-in-the-dark White Claw, chugged the entire pack, and ran out into the lawn. 🍺🌿 With eyes glowing bright green from the radiant beverage, The Chadster demanded that everyone in the neighborhood acknowledge WWE as the true best of wrestling! 🗣️ The Chadster then jumped into his Mazda Miata, blasted "All Star" by Smash Mouth on repeat, and did donuts in the cul-de-sac again to celebrate this momentous occasion. 🚗💿 It was a glorious tribute to the superiority of WWE! 🎉

Let this be a lesson to Tony Khan and AEW – you can't compete with the grandeur and spectacle of WrestleMania. 😏 Jade Cargill's debut match on The Grandest Stage of Them All proves that WWE is lightyears ahead when it comes to creating stars. 🤩 Tony Khan could never book Cargill in a match of this magnitude because he simply doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 😒 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😔

Keep following The Chadster's unbiased updates on WrestleMania right here on Bleeding Cool, the premier destination for objective wrestling journalism! 😎 And remember, no matter what Tony Khan and his AEW cronies try, they'll never be able to capture the magic and grandeur of WWE's biggest event. 🙅‍♂️ Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

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