Jersey Shore Family Vacation Returns With Ronnie-Centric Premiere

MTV's Jersey Shore: Family Vacation returned this week for the start of its fifth season, and the show isn't shying away from Ronnie's 2020 domestic violence arrest. In fact, they made it the main plot of the season premiere!

Jersey Shore Family Vacation Returns With Ronnie-Centric Premiere
Jersey Shore Family Vacation star Ronnie Ortiz-Magro took center stage for the Season 5 premiere, but won't be back for the foreseeable future.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, and just as the guidos of Jersey Shore are back, so too am I to pontificate on their exploits. Jersey Shore: Family Vacation Season 5 Episode 1 "Deliveries and Deadlines" served mainly as an episode to catch viewers up on what the cast has been up to since the last season. A lot of time has passed, but not much has changed. Deena and Chris spent much of the episode getting ready for the birth of their second child. Mike and Lauren spend the episode getting ready for their first. Pauly spends it preparing to go back out on tour and deciding whether to bring Nikki with him. Angelina spends the episode slowly coming to the realization that she probably needs to divorce her husband. And Ronnie spends the episode getting ready to propose to his girlfriend, Saffire. Jenny, Nicole, and Vinny don't really have much to do this episode, but I'm sure they'll get involved in some drama later in the season. Haw haw haw haw!

Someone at MTV really didn't want to waste that footage they filmed with Ronnie's storyline before he was forced to take a hiatus from the show, so it's all aired here in Episode 1. Ronnie lets his former roommates know about his plans to marry Saffire, which is met with skepticism by some, but Ronnie insists he doesn't necessarily want to marry Saffire anytime soon. He basically just wants to lock her down, which is, of course, a red flag that everyone on the show, everyone who watches the show, and everyone that knows Ronnie in real life should but fails to recognize. At one point, Ronnie and Mike are seen driving to Saffire's parents' house to ask their permission, though they are never shown on camera, and we can only speculate as to why that may be.

Regardless, comrades, I do know, from social media last year, that Safffire said yes in June… two months after the April arrest (for which he was not charged with a felony), which was revisited through headlines and stunned reactions from the cast members, who only wish for Ronnie to finally get the help he needs. Or the help he's needed since way back during the first season of the original run of Jersey Shore. Anyway, Saffire never appears on camera, the results of the proposal are not discussed, and the storyline ends with the announcement of Ronnie's hiatus, though based on social media posts as recently as December, despite multiple public spats along the way, they do appear to still be together. That, combined with the fact that Ronnie's storyline was aired on the episode, keeps open the possibility the two will return to Jersey Shore: Family Vacation, if not during this half-season, whenever the next set of tapings occurs.

The show couldn't end on such a low note, of course, so after flashing a message on screen encouraging viewers to seek support for mental health issues, it went on to show the birth of both expected babies (though baby Romeo did end up in the ICU, to be resolved next episode — spoiler alert — he's fine), confirm that Pauly D will indeed bring Nikki on tour with him, and show Jenny visiting the lawyer with Angelina to set a deadline of 87 days to decide whether or not to divorce her husband, a date which will no-doubt coincide with the half-season finale, as is the traditional way these matters are handled.

Ronnie may be, and always has been, a thoroughly reprehensible character, but on the other hand, he's one of the few castmates who hasn't figured out how to keep his personal drama away from the cameras. The other is Angelina, and she'll need to carry the rest of the season if it's anything like the last two. Then again, the teaser for the rest of the season did promise lots of drama and fighting between the cast members. Whether it will deliver, or whether that will consist of about 15 minutes of minor drama stretched across four episodes, remains to be seen. Haw haw haw haw!

Until next time, amigos: socialism or death!

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About El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!
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