Is Angelina's marriage still alive? How does Snooki feel about returning to the show? Who will be forced to eat Burger King as part of a very obvious product placement scheme on Jersey Shore: Family Vacation this week?!
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, once again taking time out of my very busy schedule of ruling with an iron fist to tell you all about the latest episode of the greatest show on television, Jersey Shore: Family Vacation. Comrades, this episode started a new story for the roommates as they began a vacation in the Poconos.
But first, they had to book a resort that could accommodate the whole crew, with Pauly and Nikki flying in from the West Coast, along with, apparently, Ronnie and his then-girlfriend, now fiance, Saffire. Deena handled the booking and ended up landing on a resort that Mike and Lauren visited on their first vacation as a couple, twenty years ago. What a coincidence, comrades! If I were Mike and Lauren, I would be on the lookout for a potential ambush and coup attempt. You can never be too careful, comrades.
Speaking of Mike and Lauren, they could be the next couple to experience relationship trouble. Yes, they seem as strong as ever and they are having a baby (well, had in real life, but the show isn't there yet). But this episode showed The Situation returning to his old ways, sneaking around behind his wife's back and lying to her face. But comrades, it wasn't a grenade that Sitch was looking to get his hands on without Lauren knowing; it was a Whopper and Fries from Jersey Shore: Family Vacation advertising partner Burger King.
Mike had a short window in which to complete the operation after dropping Lauren off at the OBGYN for an ultrasound appointment. Luckily, the Burger King app made ordering a breeze for the situation, who managed to pick up his food via contactless curbside pickup, set up his in-car buffet table, and wolf down the burger, fries, and soda, just in time to air out the car and spray some air freshener. But Lauren is on to him, comrades, smelling the BK when she got in the car.
Just come clean, Sitch! Burger King isn't worth hiding things from your loved ones! I once tried to organize a surprise birthday party for my protege, Maduro, and he naturally assumed I was trying to have him assassinated, so her hired assassins of his own. Luckily, your El Presidente can easily fend off a dozen armed men bare-handed, and we can laugh about it today. But it was a close call, amigos. The point is, honesty is the best policy. Unless, of course, it involves criticism of your glorious leader. In that case… *makes slicing motion across neck*
Anyway, if anyone should know about the dangers of keeping things from their spouse, it's Angelina, who is looking to reconcile with her estranged husband, Chris. Chris returned to their home with a suitcase, and even agreed to go on the Poconos vacation with her. But unbeknownst to him, videos have been circulating amongst the roommates of Angelina visiting with a male friend in Old Bridge, New Jersey. Angelina isn't worried, she claims, because the videos don't show kissing or sex — at least to her knowledge — though that's not the same thing as outright denying it, is it?
The roomies hoped to bring up the topic of the videos to Angelina during the Poconos trip, but Snooki threw a monkey wrench in those plans when she brought them up during a drunken one-on-one lunch with Angelina wherein Snooki also apologized for "The Speech" and agreed to never speak of it again. Now, the roommates feel Angelina will "come in hot" when she arrives at the Poconos resort. Which, of course, she was just about to do as the episode ended on a cliffhanger. Haw haw haw haw! They always time these things so perfectly.
Jersey Shore: Family Vacation has been on a roll since coming back from the mid-season break, and this episode was good, but a step down from previous weeks as it dealt mainly with moving the roommates to their new locale. But the whole group is together now (or about to be), which means the fireworks can really get started now. Next week, teasers indicate J-Woww and 24 will reveal their engagement to the group. Plus, Ronnie and Saffire should arrive. Until next time, my friends: socialism or death!