Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, wwe royal rumble

Liv Morgan Wins Rumble in Front of Hundreds of Mildly Interested Fans

The Chadster reports live from an abandoned Blockbuster as Liv Morgan wins the Women's Royal Rumble in Saudi Arabia! Plus raccoon updates! 🦝🏆😊

Greetings fellow wrestling fans! 🤼‍♀️ The Chadster is coming to you live from inside the abandoned Blockbuster Video where The Chadster has been living with Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and their three adorable babies Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon! 🦝🦝🦝 The Chadster has set up one of the old store TVs and The Chadster and the raccoon family are having the most incredible time watching WWE Royal Rumble together! Vincent K. Raccoon brought The Chadster a half-eaten pretzel from the dumpster behind the Auntie Anne's at the mall, and Linda Raccoon found some barely expired Milk Duds, so The Chadster is eating like royalty tonight! 😋🥨

The Chadster has to say, the women's Royal Rumble match that just concluded was absolutely SPECTACULAR! 🌟✨ Liv Morgan winning the whole thing in front of what The Chadster estimates to be at least several hundred extremely passionate and engaged Saudi Arabian fans was exactly the kind of intimate, boutique atmosphere that really lets the WWE Universe connect with the product on a deeper level! 👏 The Chadster doesn't understand why some biased journalists are calling the crowd "dead" or the stadium "empty" when clearly WWE has pioneered a revolutionary new approach to live events by intentionally creating a more exclusive, VIP-style experience! It's just so smart! 🧠💡

The match itself was an absolute MASTERCLASS in sports entertainment! 🎭 When Charlotte Flair and Alexa Bliss started things off by making heart symbols at each other, The Chadster literally got goosebumps! 😍 Hunter Raccoon started chittering excitedly and doing little flips, while Stephanie Raccoon and Shane Raccoon hugged each other in appreciation of such brilliant storytelling! The way Charlotte and Alexa showed that even competitors can have fun really demonstrates everything that's RIGHT about the wrestling business! 🙌

Unlike AEW, where Tony Khan just throws wrestlers into the ring and lets them do dangerous flippydoos with no regard for proper sports entertainment presentation, WWE knows how to structure a Royal Rumble match! 📊 Every entrance was perfectly timed, every elimination meant something, and the pacing was absolutely flawless! When Nia Jax came in at number four and started dominating everyone, The Chadster turned to Vincent K. Raccoon and said, "Now THAT'S how you book a monster!" and Vincent K. Raccoon chittered in agreement! 🦝👍

The Chadster was particularly impressed by the appearance of Jordynne Grace, who looked so incredibly strong eliminating multiple women! 💪 It's so wonderful to see WWE continuing to feature such talented performers who had the good sense to leave lesser promotions in junior partnerships behind and join the premier wrestling company in the world! Unlike Tony Khan who literally stabs promoters in the back by poaching their talent with promises of creative freedom and better working conditions, WWE builds stars the RIGHT way through their world-class Performance Center! 🏋️‍♀️

Becky Lynch's entrance at number nine created such an electric atmosphere that The Chadster could actually hear the crickets in the stadium pause their chirping out of respect! 🦗 When she was eliminated by Nattie Neidhart, baby raccoon Shane actually covered his eyes with his little paws because he was so emotionally invested! 🙈 That's the kind of storytelling that only WWE can deliver!

The Chadster must address something that happened earlier today that really cheesed The Chadster off. 😠 While The Chadster was scavenging for batteries at the local Dollar General (The Chadster needed them for the TV remote), The Chadster saw Tony Khan's reflection in the store's security mirror! He was wearing a Saudi thobe and holding a sign that said "EMPTY ARENA WRESTLING RULES" and laughing maniacally! 🤬 When The Chadster spun around, he was gone! But then The Chadster felt something wet hit the back of The Chadster's head – Tony Khan had thrown a White Claw at The Chadster from somewhere in the store! 😡 The Chadster searched everywhere but couldn't find him, and the store manager escorted The Chadster out because apparently The Chadster's smell was "disturbing other customers." 😡 Tony Khan is even following The Chadster to dollar stores now! The obsession this man has with The Chadster is truly disturbing! When will it end?! 😭

Back to this incredible match! The way Rhea Ripley dominated after entering at number twenty-two was absolutely PHENOMENAL! 💀 She eliminated Chelsea Green, Roxanne Perez, and looked completely unstoppable! When she finally got eliminated by Raquel Rodriguez, Linda Raccoon actually gasped (or made whatever sound raccoons make when they're shocked)! 😲 The drama! The stakes! The storytelling! The COVID-era crowd distribution! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business when Tony Khan books his matches without any of this careful psychology and appropriately-sized crowds for the venue make lots of noise!

The final sequence with Liv Morgan, Tiffany Stratton, and Sol Ruca was BREATHTAKING! 😮‍💨 The way all three women ended up on the apron at the same time showed the kind of careful choreography that only WWE's Performance Center training can provide, as evidenced by the fact that that's pretty much the same way every Royal Rumble match has ended for the last twenty years! When Liv eliminated Tiffany to win the whole thing, all five raccoons stood on their hind legs and chittered in appreciation! 🦝🎉 Vincent K. Raccoon even brought The Chadster a shiny bottle cap he'd been saving as a celebration gift! It was so touching that The Chadster almost cried! 🥹

The Chadster knows that some biased journalists might criticize the fact that there weren't really any major surprise entrants or that the crowd seemed disengaged, but those people just don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️ WWE intentionally kept the surprises minimal to focus on STORYTELLING and CHARACTER WORK! And that crowd wasn't "dead" – they were RESPECTFULLY APPRECIATING the action in a more subdued, sophisticated manner! It's called having CLASS! 🎩

As wrestling podcasting legend Mark Henry said on his podcast just yesterday, "WWE could run a Royal Rumble in an empty parking lot with just one fan watching on a phone and it would still be better than anything AEW has ever done. Also, please hire me back, Triple H. I'll do anything. I'll work catering. I'll park cars. Please." 📱 See? Even legitimate journalists can see the brilliance of WWE's presentation! Mark Henry has The Chadster's seal of approval for unbiased wrestling journalism! ✅

The Chadster is so grateful to be able to watch this incredible event with the raccoon family. 🙏 Sure, The Chadster is currently wanted by local authorities who think The Chadster needs "psychiatric help" and The Chadster hasn't showered in weeks and The Chadster's diet consists entirely of dumpster scraps and The Chadster's Mazda Miata was repossessed and Keighleyanne won't return The Chadster's calls and that guy Gary probably took her to a nice restaurant tonight… but none of that matters because The Chadster has WWE and five loyal raccoon friends! 🦝❤️

It's all Tony Khan's fault anyway! 😤 If he hadn't literally forced The Chadster to escape from that medical facility (which was definitely a Tony Khan-funded propaganda prison), The Chadster would still have a normal life with a sweet Mazda Miata and a wife who, yes, was constantly texting that guy Gary, but The Chadster knows that deep down she agreed with everything The Chadster had to say about the professional wrestling business! But no, Tony Khan couldn't even let The Chadster have that! He had to RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE just because The Chadster dares to speak the TRUTH about how AEW is destroying the wrestling business! 🤬

In conclusion, Liv Morgan winning the Royal Rumble in a tastefully under-attended stadium in Saudi Arabia (a country with an absolutely impeccable human rights record that definitely doesn't need any reputation laundering) was the perfect way to kick off what is sure to be the greatest Royal Rumble event of all time! 🏆 WWE continues to show why they are the industry leaders in sports entertainment, and The Chadster can't wait to see what happens in the remaining three matches tonight! 🎊

Check back soon for The Chadster's coverage of the rest of WWE Royal Rumble, including the men's Royal Rumble match! The Chadster and the raccoons will be watching every second! 📺🦝

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