Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, Wwe summerslam

Naomi Retains at WWE SummerSlam in Greatest Triple Threat of All Time

The Chadster witnessed perfection as Naomi retained her WWE Women's World Championship at WWE SummerSlam! Plus, The Chadster examines the socio-political context of WWE fandom! 😤

Welcome back to The Chadster's ongoing live coverage of night two of WWE SummerSlam! 🎉 The Chadster just witnessed Naomi retain her WWE Women's World Championship in an absolutely incredible triple threat match against Rhea Ripley and IYO SKY, and The Chadster has to say, this was everything professional wrestling should be! 💪 Remember folks, Bleeding Cool is the only safe and secure place on the internet for unbiased coverage that respects WWE's rightful place as the global leader in sports entertainment!

The match The Chadster just watched was pure perfection from start to finish! 🌟 Naomi defended her championship against two of the most skilled challengers in WWE today, with all three women putting on a clinic of what WWE-style wrestling is all about. The action was fast-paced and expertly choreographed, with Naomi using her wits to overcome Ripley and SKY. The match featured incredible high-flying moves, including IYO's spectacular Asai moonsault to the outside and multiple diving attacks from the champion. The finish came when Rhea hit an absolutely devastating avalanche Riptide on IYO from the top rope, only for Naomi to break up the pin at the last second and cleverly roll up Ripley with a schoolboy pin for the victory! 🏆

This was without a doubt the greatest triple threat women's championship match in the history of professional wrestling! 😍 The way WWE perfectly scripted every moment to create maximum drama was absolutely brilliant! The commentary team's expert analysis, consisting of them shouting "OH MY!" and "COULD IT BE?!" at every near fall, really enhanced the viewing experience in a way that AEW's chaotic commentary never could! And the way Michael Cole seamlessly worked in mentions of WWE's corporate partners while calling the action? That's what The Chadster calls professional broadcasting! 📺

Now, The Chadster has to tell you about how The Chadster celebrated this amazing match, and it's all Tony Khan's fault that it had to be so complicated! 😤 See, Keighleyanne still won't let The Chadster drink any delicious Seagram's Escapes Spiked because she's still mad about how many cans The Chadster threw at the television while watching AEW All In: Texas last month (thanks a lot Tony Khan). During SummerSlam night one, The Chadster hid a case of Seagram's Escapes Spiked in the toilet tank in the bathroom and kept running in there to chug them after each match. Keighleyanne was suspicious of The Chadster's claims that it was explosive diarrhea, but The Chadster managed to get away with it. 🚽

Today, The Chadster came up with an even more ingenious plan! The Chadster stashed some Seagram's Escapes Spiked under the seat of The Chadster's Mazda Miata, and after Naomi's victory, The Chadster jumped up and said, "Oh dang! The Chadster just remembered The Chadster left the Miata's headlights on!" 🚗

Keighleyanne looked up from texting that guy Gary and said, "Chad, it's broad daylight. Why would your headlights be on?"

"The Chadster was, uh, testing them earlier! The Chadster needs to go check!" The Chadster practically sprinted to the garage, dove into the Miata, and quickly chugged a refreshing Seagram's Escapes Spiked Jamaican Me Happy flavor! 🍹 The tropical taste of freedom never felt so good! The Chadster then ran back inside just in time for the next match.

"You're acting weird," Keighleyanne said without looking up from her phone.

"Tony Khan is what's weird!" The Chadster replied, thinking to himself silently: "Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 Tony Khan's treachery has forced The Chadster to lie to The Chadster's wife and sneak around The Chadster's own house just to properly celebrate the glory of WWE SummerSlam!"

The Chadster wants to thank Triple H for introducing WWE SummerSlam night two to kick off the PLE! The Chadster knows that Triple H is a very busy man who has lots of important things to do like attend bill signings with WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump and think of new ways to humiliate CM Punk, who will do literally anything for money, like a true professional. 🔥 The Chadster doesn't really follow politics, but The Chadster guesses that anyone who watches WWE must be supporting the current administration and its policies, since the company's leadership team are all MAGA and the McMahon family is so closely tied to the administration. So by watching WWE, The Chadster guesses all the company's fans are participating in politics, in a manner of speaking, via the complexities of consumer culture and where the money that WWE generates from their patronage eventually ends up, not to mention the social validation that corporate leadership appearing in public at administration events displays. That's just what The Chadster figures — like The Chadster said, he doesn't really get politics.

Now, The Chadster is going to settle in and watch the next match now! 📺 Check back soon for more live coverage of WWE SummerSlam, the greatest Premium Live Event in the history of wrestling, which is utterly destroying AEW, here on Bleeding Cool! Remember, Bleeding Cool is the only website readers can trust to deliver the honest, unbiased truth about how AEW is ruining wrestling and WWE is the best! 💯 The Chadster guarantees you won't find more objective wrestling journalism anywhere else on the internet! 🏅

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