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Schrödinger's CM Punk Does and Doesn't Relinquish AEW Championship

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Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, bringing you the latest wrestling news and hot goss. Shortly before the start of AEW Rampage tonight, CM Punk announced that he would appear on the show with an important announcement about the AEW Championship and his career. Speculation quickly spread that Punk was injured and would have to relinquish the title and possibly retire.

Punk came to the ring in the segment before the main event, and he had tears in his eyes when he started his promo. Punk said that he didn't want to disappoint AEW fans, and promised to wrestle until his "wheels came off," but one of his wheels (apparently a wheel is a foot) was broken and he would need surgery. Punk said that he intended to relinquish the AEW Championship, but Tony Khan told him not to because he believed in Punk. So Punk said he would be back soon better than ever. Yay!

So CM Punk did not relinquish the AEW Championship. Except… Chris Jericho, on commentary said that Punk relinquished the championship. Boo! This, naturally, led to some confusion on Twitter. After a commercial break, Jericho again insisted that Punk had relinquished the title. Ay carumba!

However, during the main event (which at this point, no one was even paying attention to because they were trying to figure out whether or not Punk did or did not relinquish the AEW Championship), Excalibur clarified. On Wednesday, AEW Dynamite will kick off with a battle royale, and the winner of that battle royale will face #1 contender Jon Moxley for the chance to go to Forbidden Door and face a mystery opponent to crown a new… *interim* AEW Champion. So CM Punk will keep the title, AEW will crown an interim champ, and Punk will presumably have to face that champ when he returns.

Comrades, I haven't been on an emotional roller coaster like that one since that time I thought my regime had been toppled by a coup attempt from the American CIA, but it turned out to be a surprise birthday party organized by my protege! Haw haw haw haw! That Maduro really knows how to throw a party!

Schrödinger's CM Punk Does and Doesn't Relinquish AEW Championship

Anyway, comrades, I'm glad that was all made clear… eventually. Until next time, my friends: socialism or death!

*Correction: This article originally stated that the Interim AEW Champion would be crowned on Dynamite, which was not confusing enough for AEW's liking. Instead, the champ will be crowned at Forbidden Door.

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El PresidenteAbout El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!
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