Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, bringing you the most spuriously wrestling-related news of the day. It looks like all the handwringing by Democrats over Republican attempts to overturn the results of the 2020 election were completely pointless as President Joe Biden and Senate Democrats have themselves agreed to hand the presidency back to WWE Hall-of-Famer Donald Trump in 2024, if he wants it, and to hand control of Congress back to Republicans in 2022. To appease Republican fart-sniffing Senate Democrats like Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema, Biden and Senate leadership have agreed to not only remove a raise to the federal minimum wage, which hasn't increased since 2007, but also to further means test the stimulus checks that Biden and other Democrats ran on delivering to the American people during the election.
According to new plans, stimulus checks will now phase out for individuals earning $80,000 a year and couples earning $160,000, though the $75,000/$150,000 limits will still apply for receiving the full checks. Checks previously phased out completely at an upper limit of $100,000 for individuals and $200,000 for couples, just as it did during the two previous stimulus checks sent out during the Trump administration. In other words, millions of people who received stimulus checks with Donald Trump's name on them will get nothing under Joe Biden, which seems like an obvious, preventable, self-inflicted political wound.
But if that sounds like an incredible blunder by Senate Democrats, consider this: they've given all of that up before even submitting the bill for debate in the Senate, which means Democrats' starting position in any negotiations will have already discarded some of the bill's most contentious features. That means the debate can center around further reducing benefits, such as reducing the $400 weekly unemployment subsidies to $300. Any person with even a modicum of common sense could recognize that as a poor negotiation strategy. Hell, even The Art of Deal probably wouldn't advise it, and that book was "written" by a complete moron.
This boner almost makes your El Presidente regret rigging the election for Joe Biden. What a waste of my time, comrades! But hey, on the bright side, at least Syria has gotten a good bombing. Haw haw haw haw! Of course, none of this is El Presidente's fault; you should have voted for Bernie Sanders, you dumbasses! Until next time: socialism or death.