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WWE Makes It Official: WrestleMania 42 Heading Back to Vegas

Your El Presidente reports on WWE's official WrestleMania 42 announcement! Vegas gets the nod again after New Orleans got the capitalist boot, comrades!

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Article Summary

  • WrestleMania 42 lands in Las Vegas, comrades, after WWE boots New Orleans in a capitalist power move.
  • El Presidente exposes WWE's shameless money-grabbing ways—city officials battling for the biggest, fattest bribe.
  • Vegas's Allegiant Stadium: a billion-dollar capitalist playground where the common folk pay for excess and nachos.
  • Expect CIA spies, rigged roulette, and your beloved dictator sampling luxury skyboxes at this capitalist fiesta.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you live from my golden helicopter circling above a poker tournament in Monte Carlo, where I just finished teaching Kim Jong-un the finer points of Texas Hold'em while we discussed the bourgeois entertainment complexes of capitalism!

A graphic logo for WWE WrestleMania featuring the word 'WrestleMania' prominently in white text with 'Vegas' in a stylish script underneath. The background includes a silhouette of Las Vegas landmarks, enhancing its connection to the city's iconic scenery.
WWE WrestleMania logo, marking the event's return to Las Vegas.

As your loyal subjects already know from my impeccable intelligence network (which definitely does not involve bribing hotel concierges with Cuban cigars), I reported back in May that those capitalist swine at WWE had unceremoniously dumped New Orleans as the host city for WrestleMania 42. Why, you ask? Because like any good corporate overlords, they were shopping around for the biggest bag of money from desperate city officials! It is exactly the kind of shameless capitalism that would make even my most corrupt finance minister blush with embarrassment.

Well, comrades, at Money in the Bank yesterday – an event whose very name celebrates the hoarding of wealth that should belong to the people – WWE finally made it official: WrestleMania 42 will take place on April 18th and 19th, 2026, at Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas! Yes, the same Sin City that just hosted WrestleMania 41 back in April, making this the fastest turnaround for a repeat host city since my good friend Muammar Gaddafi hosted back-to-back yacht parties in the Mediterranean!

Now, I must admit, this news brings back fond memories of when Fidel Castro and I spent a weekend in Vegas back in the 1980s. We were supposed to be conducting covert operations against the American CIA, but instead we got distracted by the all-you-can-eat buffets and ended up losing our entire revolutionary war chest at the blackjack tables. Fidel kept insisting he had a "system," but apparently counting cards in Spanish doesn't work the same way. The CIA agents following us were so confused by our terrible gambling that they gave up surveillance and joined us for cocktails!

But I digress, comrades. This return to Vegas makes perfect sense for the corporate machine that is TKO Group Holdings. Las Vegas is already the spiritual home of their other brand, UFC, where fighters engage in glorious combat for the entertainment of the masses – much like the gladiatorial spectacles I organize in my own nation, except with better health insurance and fewer political prisoners in the audience.

The choice of Allegiant Stadium is particularly amusing to your El Presidente. This $1.9 billion monument to excess was built with public funding while ordinary citizens struggle to afford basic healthcare – a perfect metaphor for American capitalism! It's exactly the kind of venue where wealthy oligarchs can watch scripted combat while the working class pays premium prices for watered-down beer and overpriced nachos.

Of course, the American CIA is probably thrilled about this announcement. Las Vegas provides them with the perfect cover for their surveillance operations – after all, what's more suspicious in a city built on deception and illusion than a few extra men in suits lurking around? I should know; half my security detail moonlights as Elvis impersonators on the Strip!

From a socialist perspective, comrades, this whole affair demonstrates the grotesque excesses of late-stage capitalism. While WWE counts their blood money from Vegas tourism boards, the working-class wrestling fans will mortgage their homes just to afford nosebleed seats and witness grown adults in underwear pretend to fight over championship belts that cost less than my weekly champagne budget.

But fear not, my loyal subjects! Your El Presidente will be there, reporting live from a luxury skybox I definitely didn't acquire through completely legitimate diplomatic channels. After all, someone must document these capitalist spectacles for posterity!

¡Hasta la victoria siempre, comrades!

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El PresidenteAbout El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!
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