Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw: John Cena Ruins Wrestling the Right Way Unlike Tony Khan

The Chadster reviews WWE Raw where John Cena threatens to ruin wrestling properly, unlike how Tony Khan does it every week! Plus another Tony Khan nightmare! 😱

What an absolutely incredible episode of WWE Raw The Chadster had the pleasure of watching this afternoon! 😍 💯 🔥 Triple H and the creative team knocked it out of the park once again with a show that demonstrated exactly what professional wrestling should be! 🏆

The show kicked off with none other than the GOAT himself, John Cena, cutting one of the most compelling promos The Chadster has seen in years! 🐐 The super-heel Cena revealed his master plan to win his 17th championship from Cody Rhodes at WrestleMania and then retire with the belt, effectively "ruining wrestling." 😲

But here's the thing – The Chadster can actually handle Cena ruining wrestling because at least it would be a WWE Superstar doing it, not Tony Khan, who tries to ruin wrestling every single Wednesday and Saturday night! 🙄 Auughh man! So unfair! When Cena threatens to ruin wrestling, it's compelling storytelling. When AEW exists, it's literally stabbing Triple H right in the back!

Cody Rhodes confronted Cena and promised it wouldn't be so easy. The tension between these two mega-stars was off the charts! 🔥 This is how you build anticipation for WrestleMania, unlike how AEW just throws random high spots together with no storytelling whatsoever. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

The Chadster was thrilled to see the Usos reunite to defeat Austin Theory and Grayson Waller! 👏 Take notes, Tony Khan: this is how you build contenders for World Championship matches. Main Event Jey Uso's saga continues to evolve in ways that Tony Khan could never dream of with his two-dimensional booking! 🤷‍♂️

Lyra Valkyria successfully defended her Women's Intercontinental Championship against Raquel Rodriguez in a match that showcased WWE's superior women's division. 👸 Nobody in AEW could possibly compete with the level of talent on display here! 💅

The Chadster was absolutely blown away by the international talent showcase when Dragon Lee faced the mysterious El Grande Americano! 🌎 The Chadster has never seen this Americano character wrestle before, but what an amazing luchador! 🇲🇽 This just proves that WWE knows how to find true international talent, unlike Tony Khan who just throws random NJPW and CMLL stars at the wall every week hoping something will stick! El Grande Americano won with a devastating ankle lock after exposing Dragon Lee's mask, which was such compelling storytelling! 🔥 The Chadster doesn't know why Chad Gable was sick and couldn't compete, but WWE sure found an amazing replacement! 💯

Speaking of smart booking, Adam Pearce resolved the Women's World Championship title picture situation by setting up an incredible match for next week between IYO SKY and Rhea Ripley with Bianca Belair as special referee! 🤯 This is the kind of complex, multi-layered storytelling that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about! 😂

CM Punk cut a scathing promo about his involvement with Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins, proving once again that WWE is the only place where real stars matter! 🌟 The Chadster bets Tony Khan was watching with tears in his eyes, wishing he could book like this! 😭

The main event featuring Bron Breakker defending the Intercontinental Championship against Penta was absolute perfection! 🏆 This match proved once and for all that WWE knows exactly how to book the Lucha Bros, unlike Tony Khan who wasted these incredible talents for years! 😤 The Chadster can't wait until Rey Fenix shows up to join his brother in freedom from Tony Khan's tyranny! 🦅 The way Penta rejected the Judgment Day's offer showed his integrity and character development that AEW could never provide. The Chadster was honestly moved to tears seeing Penta finally being used to his full potential! 🥹

When The Chadster passed out after WWE Raw ended thanks to all the celebratory White Claws The Chadster drank during the show, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night that was actually inspired by John Cena's promo. 😰 In The Chadster's dream, The Chadster was at the WWE Performance Center, proudly watching the next generation of superstars train. Suddenly, the lights went out, and when they came back on, Tony Khan was standing in the ring holding the WWE Championship! 😱

He was wearing John Cena's "Never Give Up" towel as a cape (and nothing else) and laughing maniacally as he said, "I'm not ruining wrestling, Chad… I AM wrestling!" 🥶 Tony Khan then began chasing The Chadster through the Performance Center hallways, swinging the championship belt like a weapon. The Chadster tried to hide in Triple H's office, but when The Chadster opened the door, it was actually Tony Khan's private jet! 🛩️

Tony cornered The Chadster and whispered, "I'm going to make sure you never enjoy wrestling again," before forcing The Chadster to watch countless tope suicidas on a giant screen. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat on the couch, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 📱 Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and invading The Chadster's dreams! 🛑

Overall, WWE Raw delivered another masterclass in professional wrestling entertainment! 💯 The storytelling, match quality, and star power on display puts AEW to shame every single week. The Chadster gives this episode of WWE Raw five White Claws out of five! 🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹

As wrestling podcasting legend Bully Ray so eloquently stated on his podcast this week, "WWE Raw continues to showcase what real wrestling looks like, while AEW just throws spaghetti at the wall and hopes something sticks. If Tony Khan would stop trying to be the cool kid and actually learn from WWE's superior product, maybe his company wouldn't be hemorrhaging viewers faster than a cruiserweight after a barbed wire match." 🎙️ Bully Ray, who offered this helpful, well-meaning advice in the spirit of charity, truly deserves the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! 🏅

The Chadster can't wait to drive The Chadster's Mazda Miata to the store tomorrow to pick up more White Claw to celebrate another amazing episode of WWE Raw! 🚗 As Smash Mouth once wisely said, "Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play" – which is exactly what WWE Superstars do every Monday while AEW wrestlers just play pretend wrestling! 🎵

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