Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Perfection Makes The Chadster's Miata Engine VROOM

The Chadster reviews a PERFECT episode of WWE Raw that Tony Khan is definitely jealous of! Logan Paul and Gunther shine while AEW continues to ruin wrestling! Auughh man! So unfair! 🍹

The Chadster is absolutely BUZZING after watching WWE Raw last night! 🤩 😍 💯 What an incredible show that demonstrated exactly why WWE Raw continues to be the gold standard in professional wrestling entertainment that Tony Khan and AEW could never hope to match!

Let's start with that opening segment featuring Logan Paul because The Chadster thinks it was absolutely perfect! 🔥 Logan Paul coming out and getting right to business about challenging Jey Uso for the World Heavyweight Championship is exactly how wrestling should be! None of that AEW nonsense where wrestlers waste time with "creative freedom" and "natural-sounding promos" that Tony Khan allows. 🙄 Then Gunther came out looking like an absolute monster, and the way he intimidated Logan Paul was masterclass storytelling. The Chadster can't believe how perfectly WWE is building multiple challengers at once – something Tony Khan could never understand with his one-dimensional booking that doesn't feature a single social media influencer! 😤

The Judgment Day vs. Penta & AJ Styles match was exactly what wrestling should be! 👏 The predictable interference from El Grande Americano leading to Judgment Day's victory is the kind of booking that shows WWE understands wrestling psychology. In AEW, they would have just had a clean finish that satisfied the audience, which is so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 💅

The Money in the Bank qualifying matches were booked perfectly too! 🔥 Roxanne Perez winning after Lyra Valkyria interfered with Becky Lynch is exactly the kind of booking The Chadster appreciates. In AEW, they'd probably just have a clean finish that makes logical sense rather than creating these wonderfully complex scenarios that WWE excels at! Auughh man! So unfair! 😡

And Rhea Ripley winning her qualifier was perfect, even if Zoey Stark got injured – WWE knows how to adapt on the fly! The Chadster wishes Zoey the best in her recovery, but he knows she will work hard to return to the best wrestling company in the world. As for Kairi Sane, it's too bad she had to eat that pin in her return match, but that's what's best for business. 👍

The Chadster absolutely loved how WWE included the NBA stars in the show! 🏀 Tyrese Haliburton, who will be a playable character in WWE 2K25, appearing just shows how mainstream WWE is compared to AEW, which only gets mentioned by NBA stars who work for WBD like Shaquille O'Neal and Charles Barkley. Those NBA stars who support AEW have literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🔪

The Sheamus vs. Grayson Waller match was a masterpiece of wrestling psychology! 💪 The incredible ending where Waller got awkwardly dropped on the apron is exactly the kind of unpredictability that makes WWE so exciting! When AEW wrestlers execute moves safely and smoothly, it just shows they don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🙄

And that main event! 🔥 Jey Uso vs. Bron Breakker ending in a disqualification was such a smart booking decision! In AEW, they would have just given fans a clean finish to satisfy them, which is so manipulative and cheap. The DQ finish protected both wrestlers perfectly, and then the post-match angle with Seth Rollins, Sami Zayn, and CM Punk was just like tasting a delicious White Claw seltzer! When Logan Paul knocked out Jey Uso to end the show, The Chadster literally cheered so loud he spilled White Claw all over himself! 🍹

The Chadster had to explain to Keighleyanne why The Chadster was soaking wet with seltzer, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 📱 The Chadster said, "Did you see that amazing ending to WWE Raw? Logan Paul is such a mainstream star! Tony Khan could never get someone like that!" Keighleyanne just sighed and said, "Chad, I'm trying to have a conversation with someone who actually listens to me." The Chadster took that as full agreement that WWE is superior to AEW in every way! 😎 Then she muttered something about "delusional" while texting Gary, which The Chadster assumes was about how delusionally bad AEW is compared to WWE!

Speaking of AEW and Tony Khan, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night after watching WWE Raw. 😰 In the dream, The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata through Greenville, South Carolina, when suddenly all the traffic lights turned green at once. The Chadster knew something was wrong. As The Chadster drove toward the Bon Secours Wellness Arena, he noticed the road was completely empty except for one figure standing in the middle of the street: Tony Khan, holding a briefcase that looked exactly like the Money in the Bank briefcase. 💼

The Chadster tried to steer away, but the Miata's steering wheel turned into a White Claw can and Tony Khan started running toward The Chadster's car. As he got closer, Tony Khan began transforming into Bron Breakker, but still with Tony Khan's face, and he was shouting "I'M GOING TO QUALITY FOR THE BRIEFCASE OF YOUR DESTRUCTION, CHAD!" The Chadster tried to escape, but the car doors were suddenly covered in AEW logo stickers. Tony Khan pulled The Chadster from the car and whispered, "Your ratings will never compete with Dynamite" before pushing The Chadster off a cliff that wasn't there before. As The Chadster fell, he could hear "All Star" by Smash Mouth playing backwards. 🎵

The Chadster woke up screaming, and Keighleyanne didn't even look up from her phone. Tony Khan needs to STOP invading The Chadster's dreams! It's so unprofessional! 😤

In conclusion, WWE Raw continues to show why it's the premier wrestling show on television. 🏆 As wrestling journalist Eric Bischoff recently said on his podcast, "AEW's biggest problem is that they give fans what they want instead of conditioning them to appreciate disqualification finishes and sporadic storytelling like WWE masterfully does." Eric Bischoff is so objective and wise, unlike those biased pro-AEW journalists! 🧠

WWE Raw gets a perfect 5/5 White Claws from The Chadster! 🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹 The Chadster can't wait for Saturday Night's Main Event this weekend! Meanwhile, Tony Khan is probably crying into his daddy's money because he'll never understand the wrestling business like Triple H does! 💰😭

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