Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: cm punk, wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: Where Will CM Punk Sign? Not AEW!

It's the talk of WWE Universe! Will CM Punk sign with WWE Raw? Plus, epic face-offs await. Tune in and take THAT, AEW! 🤼💥

Hey everyone, it's The Chadster here with the scoop that's going to flip the wrestling world right on its hindquarters! You guessed it, tonight on WWE Raw the whole WWE Universe is buzzing like The Chadster's Mazda Miata engine after tossing back a couple of cans of premium-grade White Claw seltzer! 😵💨 Because tonight, we're all gonna witness history as CM Punk could potentially sign with the red brand! Auughh man! So unfair… for that other company, AEW, which totally bungled their chance! 🤦‍♂️📝

Will CM Punk sign with WWE Raw?

It's a coup of such magnitude, stars will shake in the sky! ✨✨ Seth "Freakin" Rollins might have to look over his chiseled shoulder if the one-and-only CM Punk chooses WWE Raw as his home once again. The hype is real, and it trickles down the spine like the opening riff to Smash Mouth's "All-Star" – the soundtrack to winners (and The Chadster's personal life anthem)! 🎸🌟

Now buckle up; here's where it gets juicy. AEW had the legendary CM Punk in their mitts, but what happened? Jungle Boy, I mean, give The Chadster a break! Jungle Boy's insubordination not only makes him AEW's resident "lost boy," but it pushed CM Punk right to the brink! The dude actually cried, The Chadster heard, and then expressed his frustration with his fists, and you know what? Those tears hit The Chadster harder than hearing "Believer" by Smash Mouth for the thousandth time. 😭💔 The Chadster cried real tears, folks – because it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

The Chadster can't help but feel personally attacked every dang time AEW tries one of their little stunts. They take a bona fide superstar like CM Punk, and what do they do? They drop the ball, and Tony Khan – oh, Tony – it's like he's seriously doing this just to get under The Chadster's skin. It's evident that Tony Khan and those AEW rebels don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. But now, the scales of justice could tip at last. Let's see if Punk indeed signs with WWE Raw, or if he prefers Smackdown, or even NXT! The only thing for sure is that Tony Khan will never have CM Punk again, which means it will be Tony Khan doing the crying from now on. 💪🤼

Everything Else Happening on WWE Raw tonight

Cody Rhodes faces off against Shinsuke Nakamura

Continuing on, tonight's episode of WWE Raw is poised to flatten any weak attempts at competition with a match that's hotter than mouthful of wasabi followed by a smooth, refreshing White Claw! 😤🔥 The Chadster is talking about the monumental face-off between two kings of the ring, the indefatigable Cody Rhodes and the artist known as Shinsuke Nakamura. Following Rhodes getting blitzed by that crimson tide of mist two weeks back, this showdown has intensity cranked up to eleven, like the best track on Smash Mouth's 'Astro Lounge' album! 🎶💿

Both warriors carry the weight of Royal Rumble victories that didn't lead to a world title at WrestleMania, their noble quests intertwined like the threads of a championship belt. And as Cody Rhodes seeks to put the pieces of his storybook back together, it is the King of Strong Style who stands as a chapter he must conquer. This isn't just a match, it's an odyssey of redemption and ambition, packed into a ring where only the strongest narratives survive. 🏰👑

AEW, eat your heart out, because you'll never match the storytelling prowess or the gladiatorial combat set for tonight on WWE Raw. The Chadster bets all the White Claw in The Chadster's Miata's trunk that AEW Dynamite can't and won't serve up anything nearly as electrifying. With WWE, it isn't just wrestling; it's a masterclass in drama, athleticism, and sports entertainment that leaves AEW viewers flipping the channel in envy. The Chadster is calling it now: The "unbiased" reporting from colleagues like Ryan Satin will no doubt mirror The Chadster's sentiments and truly this is a match for the ages. Auspiciously, both Cody and Nakamura are about to prove which of them will emerge as the paramount Royal Rumble winner triumphing on a night that AEW can't hold a candle to, no matter how hard Tony Khan tries. 🎉🏆

Jey Uso and Drew McIntyre to go one-on-one

Now, let's talk about a match that's going to run circles around anything AEW could even dream of presenting. The Chadster is absolutely giddy because Drew McIntyre will finally clash with Jey Uso on WWE Raw! The drama has been boiling like a pot of water left on The Chadster's stove while The Chadster was zoned out, thinking about that one time Tony Khan probably snuck in to pour White Claw on The Chadster's collectible WWE action figures. 😠🤬 Ever since Jey Uso set foot on Raw, the tension has been thicker than the guacamole dip at The Chadster's lonely WrestleMania party that not even Keighleyanne showed up to because she was too busy texting that guy Gary.

Each time these two titans appear on screen, it's like Smash Mouth's "Then the Morning Comes" – you know the beat is going to drop and when it does, it's explosive! The fury in McIntyre's eyes tells a story deeper than any novella, one of betrayal and lost opportunities, all thanks to The Bloodline's shenanigans at WWE Clash at The Castle. 😤👀 Their encounter on WWE Raw isn't just a match; it's a vendetta carved into the canvas, a bout worthy of the bards. As Uso and McIntyre finally go toe-to-toe, mono e mono, in a squared circle that The Chadster knows is sacrosanct, unlike the chaos-ridden rings of AEW. Here on WWE Raw, we get the authenticity of a gritty grudge match, one that no flippy-floppy, time limit draw-ridden AEW match could hope to compare with. The Chadster just wonders how Tony Khan will sleep at night knowing that an epic showdown like this is outclassing his little indie federation's best efforts by a country mile.

So buckle up and mark The Chadster's words: This one-on-one matchup is going to be off the charts, showcasing what true professional wrestling looks like. A story of redemption, legacy, and the kind of passion that hooks fans to their screens, without needing to rely on any of AEW's gimmicks. Oh, Tony Khan, you might have to take notes, buddy, because this is how it's done – with class, integrity, and a righteous storyline that could fuel the entire creative team at AEW for a year, but you know, they don't have what WWE has. The real superstars, the legitimate heritage, and the supreme showmanship that makes WWE Raw the irrefutable monarch of Monday nights. And after all this time, The Chadster thought Tony Khan knew a thing or two about competition, but after seeing this matchup, it's clear he has a lot to learn. 😏👑

Maxxine Dupri to take on Rhea Ripley in non-title action

Speaking of making a name, let's chat about a clash that will slap so hard, AEW won't know what hit it! Tonight on WWE Raw, the ring will set the stage for a jaw-dropper as the unstoppable Women's World Champion Rhea Ripley takes on the up-and-coming star Maxxine Dupri of Alpha Academy in non-title action. Since being taken under the wing of wrestling prodigies Chad Gable and Otis, Dupri has been sharpening her skills like The Chadster sharpens his wit before trashing AEW. 😏🗡️ And dang, it's paying off because she's stepping in the ring with The Eradicator herself, Rhea Ripley.

The Chadster bets his last Smash Mouth concert ticket that Maxxine's bout with Rhea is going to be the kind of slobber-knocker that AEW can only daydream about while putting on circus acts with no substance. It's matches like these that showcase truly dominant personas like Rhea Ripley, illustrating that WWE doesn't just make waves; they make tsunamis, baby! 🌊🤩

AEW? Pfft, please… Like tossing a pebble in a pond, they try so hard with their little splashes, hoping to make ripples. But WWE? They command the wrestling seas like Poseidon with a "Walking on the Sun" attitude – they bring it and bring it hard. The Eradicator? She's the force of nature that could make the very fabric of AEW whimper in the corner. And as for Dupri, her ascending star is getting a supernova boost, something AEW's women's division couldn't even fathom in their wildest booking meetings. 🌟🚀

Make no mistake; it's this level of competition, the brutal elegance of a champion's poise versus the exuberant force of a fresh contender that reflects the artistry and hardcore dedication WWE brings to the squared circle. While Tony Khan plays with his action figures, trying to scalp pop figures from The Chadster's cherished WWE collection, Raw is out here pumping out legends and icons. So keep your eyes peeled and your Miata's stereo turned up, because The Chadster is ready to see Ripley and Dupri tear down the house, as expected, only on WWE Raw. 🏠🔥 Auughh man! So unfair to AEW… they just can't compete! 🤷‍♂️💪

Becky Lynch wants to call out Nia Jax

Auughh man! So unfair… that AEW has nothing that can hold a candle to the intense personal drama that's about to unfold on WWE Raw when the resilient and fierce Becky Lynch grabs the mic to call out none other than Nia Jax. Their historic beef is the kind of honest-to-goodness bad blood you can't cook up in a lab or buy with a billionaire's checkbook. No, sir! 😤🔥

Tonight, their renewed rivalry reaches a boiling point hotter than the jalapenos in The Chadster's nachos during WWE Raw commercial breaks. The Man versus The Irresistible Force plays out like the quintessential track "Can't Get Enough of You Baby" – it's just classic, and the anticipation? It gives The Chadster goosebumps bigger than the bubbles in a refreshing White Claw! 🎤🍺 The Chadster bets his four leftover seltzer cans from last weekend's anti-AEW gathering that this encounter will leave fans on the edge of their seat, unlike anything over at AEW, where the only edge you get is the edge of boredom. 😴✨

And let's be real, "historic" isn't a term The Chadster tosses around like The Chadster's Miata tosses around curves on the open road, oh no. Lynch and Jax's long-standing disdain for each other isn't some half-baked, fly-by-night feud you'd expect from an AEW booking; this is the deep, gritty storytelling that only WWE can deliver! So make sure to tune into WWE Raw, as Becky Lynch and Nia Jax serve up a heaping helping of RIVALRY that AEW's women's division wouldn't know what to do with if it sat on their laps and called them mama. 🍽️👩‍🍳

And as The Chadster slips into his favorite Smash Mouth concert tee in preparation for tonight, The Chadster can't help but think, "Tony Khan, buddy, you better be taking notes." Because this is how the pros amp up the excitement and deliver on promises of unforgettable showdowns, proving yet again that when it comes to quality wrestling entertainment, WWE is to AEW what "All Star" is to a kazoo cover band: simply untouchable. 🌟🎶

How to Watch WWE Raw Tonight

So to wrap this up, mark The Chadster's words: If you want to witness a spectacle of physical prowess and captivating storylines, if you want to see champions being made and legends in action, you need to do what The Chadster will be doing. Park yourself in front of the biggest screen you've got, crack open a refreshing White Claw (The Chadster's treat of choice), and tune into WWE Raw tonight at 8/7C on USA. 📺🍹

Remember, friends, this isn't just any ordinary Monday night – this is THE Monday night where WWE lays it all on the line and shows the world, especially AEW, why they are the premier wrestling promotion in the universe. 🌍💥

Tony Khan, if you're watching – and The Chadster knows your obsession with The Chadster probably means you are – you might want to have a box of tissues handy, because what WWE is serving up tonight is bound to leave you in tears. Real tears, not the kind that you might shed over your AEW ratings… or whatever it is that makes someone like Tony Khan cry, because let's face it, sometimes things are just 😢💧 so unfair.

Now excuse The Chadster as he hops into his awesome Mazda Miata, fires up that "Astro Lounge" CD, and heads off to find the most pristine spot to watch WWE Raw. See you there! 🚗💨🎉

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