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AEW Collision: Titles Held, Stakes Raised, Jericho Pinned Again

Your El Presidente reviews AEW Collision Playoff Palooza, where The Conglomeration retained, Moxley got menacing, and Ricochet cheated again!

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Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you live from the secret bunker beneath my presidential palace, where I have been forced to relocate after the CIA's latest "weather balloon" mysteriously crashed into my swimming pool! But no imperialist sabotage could keep me from delivering my review of last night's AEW Collision Playoff Palooza, so grab a mojito (Castro's recipe, may he rest in peace) and let us dive in together!

The Conglomeration, Stokely Hathaway, and FTR Open the Show

Dax Harwood speaks into an AEW microphone with a championship belt draped over his shoulder during AEW Collision.
Dax Harwood delivers a message on AEW Collision, belt in hand.

The AEW World Trios Champions kicked things off with Roderick Strong thanking Orange Cassidy for his new shirt while Kyle O'Reilly was fired up as always. Stokely Hathaway and FTR interrupted, with Stoke mocking the champs in that delightful way that reminds me of my Minister of Propaganda, who I had to demote after he started insulting MY suits. Comrades, a man of Stokely's verbal talents would be running a small Caribbean nation by now if he played his cards right!

FTR Accepts Cope and Cage's Challenge

Cash Wheeler accepted the New York Street Fight challenge from Adam Copeland and Christian Cage, but then Dax Harwood raised the stakes by demanding it ALSO be an "I Quit" match! Comrades, this is escalation worthy of the Cuban Missile Crisis! I once played a game of poker with Nicolás Maduro where every round we added a new stipulation, and by the end of the night I had bet my entire navy and he had wagered three oil refineries. Neither of us remembers who won.

AEW World Trios Championship: The Conglomeration vs. Don Callis Family

Andrade stands in the AEW ring with a stern, unamused expression after a hard-fought moment. His wet hair and intense stare suggest frustration on AEW Collision.
Andrade looks unamused on AEW Collision.

The Conglomeration retained against Lance Archer, Hechicero, and Andrade El Ídolo in a banger of a match! Archer nearly put Cassidy away, but Cassidy countered in midair with an Orange Punch, and Strong literally THREW Cassidy on top of Archer for the pin! Comrades, using your teammate as a projectile is the kind of innovative thinking I demand from my generals. Don Callis must be tearing his hair out, which is unfortunate because he does not have much to spare.

Jon Moxley Tries to Recruit Will Ospreay

Jon Moxley speaks to a captive Will Ospreay in a dark backstage setting on AEW Collision.
Jon Moxley talks tactics with a captive Will Ospreay on AEW Collision.

Comrades, this footage was DARK! Claudio Castagnoli, Daniel Garcia, and Wheeler Yuta brought Will Ospreay to Jon Moxley in some unknown building, where Marina Shafir worked on Ospreay's neck while Moxley offered to turn him into "a weapon unlike anything wrestling had seen." Then Moxley lay face down on the concrete and slid Ospreay a chair! This is exactly the kind of psychological warfare the CIA tried on me in 1994, except they used a folding chair from a Costco and a copy of "The Art of the Deal." I held strong, comrades. Will Ospreay? We shall see!

The choice presented to Ospreay was reminiscent of the time my dear friend Bashar al-Assad tried to recruit me into his backgammon league. The pressure was IMMENSE, comrades.

10-Man Tag: Death Riders & The Dogs vs. Young Bucks & The Rascalz

David Finlay, Clark Connors, and the Death Riders defeated Matt Jackson, Nick Jackson, Zachary Wentz, Dezmond Xavier, and Myron Reed in a chaotic affair, with Connors hitting Fallout on Wentz for the pin. Moxley was on commentary the whole time, which is the wrestling equivalent of having your boss watch you do your taxes. Stressful, comrades!

Shida and Shirakawa's Dysfunctional Tag Team Drama

Lexy Nair interviewed Hikaru Shida, Kris Statlander, Harley Cameron, and Mina Shirakawa, and Shida flat-out told Cameron she was "not on their level." COLD-BLOODED, comrades! This is the kind of betrayal I usually reserve for my Tuesday cabinet meetings. Shida then declared that she and Statlander would beat Divine Dominion for the tag titles, while Shirakawa stood there fuming. The seeds of revolution have been planted!

Kris Statlander vs. B3CCA

Statlander defeated B3CCA with Staturday Night Fever after B3CCA scored a near fall with a Flatliner. But the REAL story, comrades? Statlander walked PAST Shida's open arms on the way up the ramp! ICY! This is the wrestling equivalent of when I refused to hug Kim Jong-un at the Despot Mixer because he had eaten all the shrimp cocktail before I arrived. Some grudges run deep!

Divine Dominion Responds

Lena Kross said no two other women looked, moved, or destroyed like they did, and Megan Bayne dismissed Shida and Statlander as "another thrown-together team." A fair point, comrades! Though I will say my own thrown-together coalition government has lasted 34 years through sheer force of will and strategic disappearances.

RUSH Demolishes Adam Priest

RUSH defeated Adam Priest with the Bull's Horns and reminded everyone, "When you mess with the bull, you get the horns!" Comrades, this is a slogan I am STEALING for my next reelection campaign. Priest fought valiantly but was eventually overwhelmed, much like every priest who has tried to perform an exorcism on me over the years. (There have been seven. None successful.)

Takeshita and Okada Trade Threats

Konosuke Takeshita said he had tried to avoid conflict with Kazuchika Okada out of respect for Don Callis, but Okada responded that he did not fear, like, or respect Takeshita, finishing with "At Double or Nothing, YOU LOSE!" Comrades, when Okada switches to Japanese mid-promo, you KNOW he is serious. I have a similar tactic where I switch to my native dialect when I am about to nationalize someone's business.

Thekla & Skye Blue vs. Alex Windsor & Persephone

Persephone celebrates in the wrestling ring on AEW Collision, shouting with both arms spread wide. The crowd blurs in the background as she looks fired up.
Persephone gets hyped on AEW Collision.

Thekla and Skye Blue defeated Alex Windsor and Persephone, but only after Julia Hart distracted the referee and sprayed BLACK MIST into Persephone's eyes! Comrades, mist as a weapon? The CIA has been trying to develop this technology for DECADES, and Triangle of Madness has it in spades. I must invite Julia Hart to my next biological warfare summit.

MJF vs. Kevin Knight Announced for Dynamite

MJF backed out of an immediate match with Kevin Knight on Dynamite once Knight agreed to put the TNT Title on the line, but now the match is happening on next week's Dynamite! MJF's negotiating tactics remind me of myself when I am haggling at the arms bazaar. Always pretend to walk away first!

AEW National Championship: Jack Perry vs. El Clon

Jungle Jack Perry lies back in the AEW ring, catching his breath after a hard exchange. He looks worn down during Collision.
Jungle Jack Perry takes a break in the ring during AEW Collision.

Jack Perry defeated El Clon to retain, surviving Hecho en Mexico before hitting a release German suplex and his running knee for the pin. The Don Callis Family went 0-for-2 in title matches, comrades! A devastating evening for Callis, who I imagine is currently screaming into a pillow embroidered with his own face.

Willow Nightingale Embraces "The Comeback Killer"

Willow Nightingale acknowledged her new nickname after defending against Shida, Queen Aminata, and Kamille, and declared herself the face of TBS. Comrades, I love a good nickname! My official title back home is "El Presidente, Comandante Eterno, Liberator of the People, and Master of the Charcuterie Board." Willow's is more concise.

Anthony Bowens Joins The Opps

Samoa Joe and Hook of The Opps smile while walking backstage on AEW Collision. They are in a narrow hallway, with Samoa Joe wearing a towel around his neck.
Samoa Joe and Hook of The Opps walk backstage together on AEW Collision.

Katsuyori Shibata filmed as Samoa Joe and HOOK walked backstage and Anthony Bowens demanded an answer. HOOK said there were no vacancies, but Joe pivoted and welcomed Bowens to the group, with HOOK revealing it was a test! Comrades, I love a good initiation ritual. My own cabinet members must survive a weekend in my hedge maze with my pet jaguar before they are sworn in.

Main Event: The Demand vs. Jericho & The Hurt Syndicate

Chris Jericho stands in the AEW ring with his arms out and a puzzled expression, seeming to weigh his next move on Collision.
Chris Jericho weighs his options on AEW Collision.

Ricochet, Bishop Kaun, and Toa Liona defeated Chris Jericho, Bobby Lashley, and Shelton Benjamin in the main event! Jericho had Ricochet in the Walls of Jericho, but Kaun distracted the ref while Liona pulled Ricochet to the ropes, and Ricochet hit a LOW BLOW followed by the Ricosault for the pin! Comrades, cheating to win? This is the kind of dirty politics I respect deeply. Ricochet has pinned Jericho TWICE now, which means Jericho's coalition strategy needs revision. Perhaps he should consult my memoirs.

Overall, comrades, AEW CollisionPlayoff Palooza was a solid evening of wrestling with major Double or Nothing implications, ominous Death Riders shenanigans, and championship action that mostly went the champions' way. Until next time, this is your El Presidente signing off! VIVA LA REVOLUCIÓN, and viva AEW Collision!

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El PresidenteAbout El Presidente

As a lucrative side hustle from his job as the duly-elected leader of a socialist dictatorship, His Excellency El Presidente reports on his favorite elements of American pop culture, most notably its highest forms of artistic expression: pro wrestling, comic books, and reality television. Yes, comrades, even international despots are affected by the gig economy. Unfortunately, since the CIA sabotaged his extremely popular 1-900 hotline, El Presidente has been forced to partner with the capitalist pigs at Bleeding Cool to deliver his message directly to the people. When not dodging extradition requests or international sanctions, he enjoys long walks on the beach with his collection of championship belts and arguing with his own body doubles about booking decisions. Read his latest posts, or die like dogs... the choice is yours!
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