Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: Witness Perfection While Tony Khan Seethes

The Chadster breaks down tonight's absolutely perfect WWE Raw card, featuring AJ Styles, Logan Paul, and CM Punk. Sorry not sorry, Tony Khan! 🔥

The Chadster can barely contain The Chadster's excitement about tonight's episode of WWE Raw on Netflix, which is shaping up to be literally the most perfectly booked wrestling show in the history of the business! 🔥 And you just know this is going to absolutely cheese off Tony Khan, who could never hope to produce anything even remotely close to this level of entertainment on AEW Dynamite. 😤

First up, we've got Rey Mysterio taking on Logan Paul in an Elimination Chamber qualifying match! 🤼‍♂️ This is exactly the kind of match that shows why WWE understands the wrestling business – mixing legendary talent with mainstream appeal. The Chadster literally idolizes Logan Paul. He's so cool, and The Chadster wishes he could be more like him (though The Chadster is also pretty cool, as everyone knows). Meanwhile, Tony Khan is probably sitting there trying to figure out how to book more random Japanese wrestlers nobody's ever heard of. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

Speaking of incredible matches, Lyra Valkyria vs Bayley is going to be an absolute masterpiece of wrestling psychology. 👑 The Chadster happened to hear Kevin Nash talking about this match on his podcast last week, where he said, "WWE's women's division is like a perfectly cooked steak, while AEW's is like a gas station hot dog that's been sitting there for three days." Such objective journalism! 🎤

The return of AJ Styles to WWE Raw is going to be phenomenal (pun intended)! 🌟 The Chadster was just telling The Chadster's wife Keighleyanne about how excited The Chadster is about this, but she just kept texting that guy Gary and mumbled something about "being tired of hearing about wrestling." Before AEW came around, Keighleyanne loved hearing The Chadster explain why WWE is the greatest entertainment company ever every week, and she barely texted that guy Gary at all, so this is clearly Tony Khan's fault for destroying The Chadster's marriage. 😢

The tag team match featuring Dakota Kai & IYO SKY vs Liv Morgan & Raquel Rodriguez is going to show everyone what real tag team wrestling looks like! 🏆 AEW thinks they have good tag team wrestling because the Young Bucks are EVPs, but what AEW does can't be considered real tag team wrestling because it's AEW and Tony Khan doesn't understand the first thing about running a wrestling company.

And of course, CM Punk will be addressing the WWE Universe tonight! 🎤 The way WWE has handled Punk's return is just chef's kiss perfect, unlike how Tony Khan books his shows, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. The Chadster is so happy to see CM Punk renounce his anti-WWE ways and become a true corporate role model, which is so much cooler than cutting pipe bombs or saying mean things about WWE. The Chadster is really looking forward to the next Saudi Arabia show to see CM Punk really show how much he's grown as a person. Meanwhile, Tony Khan is so jealous that he had Punk and lost him.

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night. 😰 The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through a car wash, when suddenly Tony Khan appeared in the passenger seat, spraying White Claw all over the interior while singing "All Star" by Smash Mouth in a menacing voice. The Chadster tried to escape, but the car wash brushes kept pushing The Chadster back in! The Chadster got totally soapy and then Tony Khan took off his shirt and tried to wrestle around with him. Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! 😡

If you don't watch WWE Raw tonight at 8ET/5PT on Netflix, you're literally stabbing Triple H right in the back. Anyone who chooses to watch AEW Dynamite over this absolutely perfect card clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🎭

The Chadster will be watching with a fresh case of White Claws (unless Tony Khan sneaks into The Chadster's house and steals them again). 🍹 Don't let Tony Khan win – watch WWE Raw tonight! 💯

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