Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw: Rumble Fallout Shows Tony Khan How Real Wrestling Is Done

The Chadster reviews an epic post-Royal Rumble WWE Raw, which proved exactly why WWE is the greatest wrestling company ever! 🤼‍♂️

The Chadster has to say that last night's WWE Raw was absolutely perfect in every way! 👍 Everything about the show demonstrated exactly why WWE is the greatest wrestling company in the world and why The Chadster literally can't even with what AEW does to disrespect the business. 😤

First, let's talk about how Jey Uso kicked off WWE Raw with an amazing promo celebrating his Royal Rumble win. 🎉 The way WWE built this moment was exactly how wrestling should be done, not like how Tony Khan just hands opportunities to ex-WWE wrestlers, which is literally stabbing Triple H right in the back. 🔪

When Gunther came out to confront Jey, it was such good storytelling. Unlike AEW, where they just do flips and spots with no psychology, WWE knows how to create tension. 💪 The Chadster heard that Tony Khan was watching this segment and crying into his White Claw (which he probably stole from The Chadster's refrigerator). 😭

Speaking of White Claw, The Chadster had the most disturbing nightmare about Tony Khan last night after watching WWE Raw. 😱 The Chadster dreamed he was in the Cleveland arena where WWE Raw was filmed, but it was empty except for Tony Khan, who was sitting in every seat simultaneously, each copy of him holding a strategically-placed White Claw and wearing nothing but Jey Uso is All Elite t-shirts. They all started chanting "YEET" mockingly at The Chadster while Tony Khan's voice echoed through the arena saying "I'm going to counter-program your dreams forever, Chad!" The Chadster tried to escape but kept running into more Tony Khans until The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat. 😰 Tony Khan really needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster!

The matches on WWE Raw were absolutely perfect. Penta vs. Ludwig Kaiser showed how WWE can use luchadors properly, unlike AEW where they just do random flips. 🤼 As Bully Ray said on his podcast, "WWE understands that less is more, while AEW is just throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping some of the noodles stick," which really shows his commitment unbiased journalism, offering this well-meaning advice to Tony Khan on how to improve AEW which Tony Khan will surely just ignore. 📰

The Charlotte Flair and Rhea Ripley segment was pure wrestling excellence, teasing who Charlotte will choose for her guaranteed title match at WrestleMania. 👑 It reminds The Chadster of something Kevin Nash actually said on his podcast last week, "Tony Khan could book for 100 years and never create a moment as perfect as any random moment on any WWE show," which The Chadster thinks is so true and objective. 💯

The tag team match between The New Day and The LWO showed exactly how tag team wrestling should be done! 🤼 When Logan Paul got involved to help New Day win, it demonstrated perfect heel psychology, unlike how AEW just has random teams doing synchronized flips for no reason. As Mark Henry said on his podcast, "AEW tag teams are just doing gymnastics routines while WWE understands the art of storytelling," which is exactly the kind of objective analysis The Chadster expects from true journalism. 📰

The Elimination Chamber qualifier between IYO SKY and Liv Morgan was a masterpiece of women's wrestling. 👊 When Rhea Ripley caused the DQ finish, it was pure storytelling genius. Unlike AEW, where Tony Khan just books random matches with clean finishes because he doesn't understand how to create drama, WWE knows how to advance multiple storylines at once. 🎭

Seth Rollins delivered an incredible promo about Roman Reigns and gave an amazing pep talk to Sami Zayn. 🎤 The way WWE builds these interpersonal relationships is just chef's kiss, while AEW just has people reading scripts that Tony Khan probably wrote while playing with his action figures. The Chadster heard that Ariel Helwani said on his show, "WWE promos are like Shakespeare while AEW promos are like a middle school play," and The Chadster couldn't agree more with this completely unbiased assessment. 🎭

The main event between CM Punk and Sami Zayn was exactly how wrestling should be done. 🏆 When Punk won and qualified for Elimination Chamber, it showed how WWE knows how to book long-term storylines, unlike AEW where they just throw random matches together. The Chadster actually sprayed White Claw all over his TV in excitement, but when The Chadster asked Keighleyanne to help clean it up, she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 😤 This is literally Tony Khan's fault!

The ending with Kevin Owens attacking Sami was shocking in the best way! 😮 This is how you do surprising moments, not like AEW where they just try to cheese off The Chadster with their "creative freedom" and "variety of styles." It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

Overall, WWE Raw proved once again why it's the greatest wrestling show in existence. 🌟 Anyone who watched this and still likes AEW doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

The Chadster gives this episode of WWE Raw 5 out of 5 White Claws! 🥂

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