Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Road to WrestleMania

WWE to Invade Europe on Road to WrestleMania Tour Next Year

Comrades! El Presidente reports on WWE's European invasion. 11 cities, RAW, SmackDown, and more! Get ready for a socialist wrestling revolution!

Greetings, my fellow comrades in sports entertainment! It is I, El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious underground bunker beneath the streets of Havana, where I am currently engaged in a heated game of chess with the ghost of Fidel Castro. But fear not, for I have temporarily paused our match to bring you the most electrifying news in all of professional wrestling!

Comrades, prepare yourselves for a revolution of epic proportions! The capitalist machine known as WWE is set to invade Europe with an unprecedented tour that will make even the most hardened KGB agent weep with envy. This "Road to WrestleMania" tour is not just any ordinary invasion, my friends. No, it is a full-scale assault on the senses that will leave the European proletariat begging for more!

Picture this, comrades: Eleven cities across Europe will be transformed into battlegrounds of scripted violence and overly-dramatic storytelling. From the sun-soaked beaches of Barcelona to the frigid streets of Glasgow, no corner of the continent will be safe from the iron fist of Nick Khan and his army of spandex-clad warriors!

Now, I know what you're thinking, my dear readers. "But El Presidente, how can I, a humble worker, hope to witness such capitalist decadence?" Fear not, for I have infiltrated the highest levels of WWE's ticket distribution network (with a little help from my old friend, Vladimir Putin) to bring you this vital information:

Tickets for this spectacular tour will go on sale to the general public on Friday, December 13th at 9 AM GMT (or 10 AM CET for those of you who refuse to bow to the tyranny of Greenwich Mean Time). But wait, there's more! For those of you who wish to seize the means of ticket production early, there will be a presale beginning on Wednesday, December 11th at the same times.

Now, comrades, I must confess that this tour brings back fond memories of my own experiences with professional wrestling. Did I ever tell you about the time Nikita Khrushchev and I formed a tag team known as "The Red Menace" and challenged Hulk Hogan to a steel cage match at the height of the Cold War? Ah, but that is a story for another day.

Let us instead focus on the glorious schedule that awaits our European comrades:

The tour kicks off with a bang in Barcelona, Spain, where Friday Night SmackDown will descend upon the Olimpic Arena like a luchador leaping from the top rope. From there, the caravan of capitalism will roll through Germany, with stops in Dortmund and Hannover, before invading Brussels, Belgium, for a very special edition of Monday Night RAW.

But the madness doesn't stop there, oh no! The tour will continue its relentless march across Europe, leaving a trail of broken chairs and shattered dreams in its wake. Bologna, Italy, will play host to another episode of SmackDown, while Belfast, Northern Ireland, and Nottingham, England, will be treated to non-televised events that are sure to be packed with more punches than a CIA interrogation room.

Glasgow, Scotland, will then have the dubious honor of hosting Monday Night RAW, no doubt leaving the locals wondering if they've stumbled into some sort of bizarre American fever dream. London, England, will be doubly blessed (or cursed, depending on your perspective) with both a SmackDown and a RAW, bookending a whirlwind weekend that includes stops in Vienna, Austria, and Amsterdam, Netherlands.

Now, my dear comrades, I must stress the importance of securing your tickets as soon as possible. Much like trying to overthrow a democratically elected government, timing is everything! To ensure your place at these events, I strongly recommend registering for the presale at https://www.wwe.com/roadtowrestlemania-europe-presale-registration. And no, this is not a CIA trap. I have personally vetted this website and can assure you that it is free from American imperialist spyware (although I cannot say the same for my own surveillance software).

In conclusion, comrades, this WWE European tour promises to be a spectacle of truly epic proportions. It will be a celebration of everything that makes professional wrestling great: the drama, the athleticism, the questionable writing decisions, and of course, the ever-present threat of someone being hit with a folding chair.

So, my friends, mark your calendars, set your alarms, and prepare to witness history in the making. And remember, in the immortal words of the legendary Macho Man Randy Savage, "The cream rises to the top, just like El Presidente!"

This is your beloved leader, signing off from my bunker. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a chess game to finish and a continent to prepare for the incoming wrestling revolution. Viva la WWE!

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