Marvel's Heroes Reborn Event is Thinly Veiled Wealth Redistribution

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, making a rare appearance in Bleeding Cool's comic book section. El Presidente normally concerns himself only with important matters, like rigging elections for Joe Biden or recounting the events of AEW Dynamite. But when Bleeding Cool's lead comics reporter, Ricardo Johnstalbán, said to me, "Your Excellency, please take a look at the Marvel May solicits, and, if it moves you, feel free to bestow the gift of your glorious words about them upon the people," I could not resist. And once I did, I could not help but notice that the capitalist pigs that control the means of production at Marvel Comics will attempt to pull off a massive redistribution of wealth using the Heroes Reborn super-mega-crossover event as ploy to convince readers to hand over their wages in exchange for heavily decompressed, cheaply-produced comic chapbooks.

One of the many excessive variant covers to Heroes Reborn #4, putting the opulence of the capitalist dogs at Marvel on full display, comrades.
One of the many excessive variant covers to Heroes Reborn #4, putting the opulence of the capitalist dogs at Marvel on full display, comrades.

For the four, yes, four issues of the main Heroes Reborn series coming out in May, readers can expect to shell out $21. That's $6 for the first issue and $5 for each subsequent issue. But that's not even half the cost for May, comrades. If readers are duped into the capitalist Ponzi scheme of buying all of the tie-ins, they'll pay an additional $25 for five $5 one-shots: Heroes Reborn: Magneto and the Mutant Force #1, Heroes Reborn: Young Squadron #1, Heroes Reborn: Siege Society #1, Heroes Reborn: Hyperion and the Imperial Guard #1, Heroes Reborn: Peter Parker, The Amazing Shutterbug #1. That's a grand total of $46 comrades, and that is only halfway through the event.

You see, comrades, as the former leader of a socialist dictatorship, it is El Presidente's job to be on the lookout for unscrupulous capitalists trying to cheat the working class out of their hard-earned monies. If we were back in my country, I would simply have my secret police arrest the leaders of Marvel comics and jail them until they see the error of their ways. Unfortunately, the American comic book industry frowns upon jailing one's political opponents, and so all I can do is warn you of their treachery and hope that you spend your money on anything other than nine issues of a pointless super-mega-crossover that everyone will forget about by this time next year like this Heroes Reborn.

Until next time, my friends, remember: socialism or death.

About El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!