It has been less than two years since Bleeding Cool blew the lid off the most incredible conspiracy in all of comics, and technology is already starting to catch up. Billed as "the world's first ball-dildo that uses your balls for penetrative sex," Balldo finally allows men with one dick to feel what it's like to be Wolverine, the popular mutant character from Marvel's X-Men franchise known for having two dicks: one for f**king and one for making love. By placing your balls inside the Balldo, they become akin to a second dick, so that you can f**k the Cyclops in your life while making love to the Jean Grey.
A media kit from Balldo's website explains things:
A new Era in sex has arrived! We've created the world's first sex toy that will allow you to penetrate your partner with your balls and unleash pleasure that you've never experienced before. Let the ballsex revolution begin!
The balldo™ is internationally patent-pending and is the first in a long line of ball focused products that our company Nadgerz Inc will bring to the market over the coming 24 months.
Obviously, they don't mention the Wolverine part because of trademark concerns, but we all know that's what Balldo is really for. But how anatomically accurate is the Balldo? For more on that, we spoke with a leader in the field of comics urology, Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms.
"Hmmmm," considered the professor when we told him about the Balldo. "You just… stuff your balls in there?"
"Doesn't it hurt?"
Aren't you supposed to be the one answering questions?
"Right. Okay," said Professor Puffinbottoms. "Well then, obviously, the thing about the Balldo is that it's going to give you double dicks in a vertical configuration, with one dick on top of the other. But it's actually unclear whether that's how Wolverine's two dicks work. They might be side-by-side."
Damn it, Marvel! Tell us whether Wolverine's dicks are horizontally or vertically configured, you cowards!
Balldo is currently available for pre-order on Indiegogo, starting at $59, a small price to pay to be like Wolverine. The Balldos are set to ship in May, so let the Cyclops and Jean Grey in your life know that there's just a few short months before you too can be the best you are at what you do.