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2017 Sports Countdown #3: Nazis Love Papa John's Pizza Because No One Else Will

We have a lot of pet peeves — it's basically defined our entire blogging career — but top of the list, without doubt, is bad pizza. Pizza is a wonderful, delicious treat when done well, but when done poorly, it's an affront to nature. Or, in Papa John's case, a Stormfront to nature.

The "pizza" peddler found itself in hot tomato sauce earlier this year after CEO John Schnatter criticized NFL players protesting police violence and racial oppression, claiming that it cut into his pizza profits. That didn't go over well with most people, but one segment of the population was absolutely delighted, the first time anyone has ever been pleased with anything produced by Papa John's.

Neo-Nazis were so thrilled with what they saw as sympathetic views from Das Pizza Fuhrer that they declared Papa John's the official pizza of the alt-right, forcing Papa John's to denounce the designation (which only served to make them look even more sympathetic to Nazis, since they were trying to spare them from eating their awful pizza).

The whole affair eventually led to Shnatter stepping down as CEO to close out the year.

Original Headline: Report: White Supremacists Have Terrible Taste In Pizza

White supremacists have declared Papa John's the official pizza of the alt-right, showing that in addition to holding depraved and deplorable political viewpoints, they also have awful taste in pizza. The news follows Papa John's CEO John Schnatter's comments condemning NFL protests and blaming the league for sluggish sales, as reported by Bleeding Cool earlier this week.

"The NFL has hurt us," Schnatter said during a conference call, explaining that the NFL's refusal to stop players protesting the murder and oppression of Black people by police officers led to Papa Johns pulling NFL advertising and thus to falling sales. "We are disappointed the NFL and its leadership did not resolve this.

"Leadership starts at the top," Schnatter continued, apparently talking about the NFL and not himself. "And this is an example of poor leadership."

Schnatter's comments have delighted white supremacists and Nazi sympathizers, according to the Huffington Post, with one Daily Stormer columnist writing:

"This might be the first time ever in modern history that a major institution is going to be completely destroyed explicitly because of public outrage over their anti-White agenda. Papa John: Official pizza of the alt-right?"

While there are many horrible fates that most reasonable people would love to see befall white supremacists, being forced to eat nothing but what Papa John's mistakenly calls pizza may perhaps be the most sadistic. However, despite having no idea how to make pizza that's edible, even Papa John's isn't stupid enough to want to be associated with neo-Nazis. The company, which claimed not to be aware of their new status until asked about it, issued a statement condemning the groups:

"We condemn racism in all forms and any and all hate groups that support it. We do not want these individuals or groups to buy our pizza."

There's no need to show that kind of kindness for your enemies, Papa John's. We say, let Nazis eat all the Papa John's pizza they want — no one has ever deserved it more.

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