Posted in: Movies | Tagged: Alice Through The Looking Glass, angry birds, assassin's creed, Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, bottom eleven of 2016, collateral beauty, gods of egypt, Independence Day: Resurgence, inferno, suicide squad, teenage mutant ninja turtles: out of the shadows, Zoolander 2
Kaitlyn's Bottom Eleven Movies Of 2016
As a movie critic you get to see good movies early but it also means that you have to sit through a lot of crap, too. Those reviews can be cathartic to write but it also hurts to see potential flushed away on bad decisions.
11. Zoolander 2
One of the downsides to the modern era of nostalgia is that everything that was ever popular is getting either rebooted and becoming a 'late in life' sequel. These movies are also almost always terrible, too, and Zoolander 2 is no different. It features none of the charm that made the original so memorable and is an ongoing transphobic joke that was never funny to begin with and even less so the seventh time.
10. Independence Day: Resurgence
See all of the above but while Zoolander 2 was a bad comedy this was a bad action movie. The original Independence Day holds up but this one was lacking all of the heart and soul the original had. Soulless, joyless, with promises of more to come that we can hope never happen.
9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows
There is a line from this movie where I burst out into hysterical laughter and I absolutely was not supposed to laugh at this point. There is nothing here to dwell on; Casey Jones is barely in it, there are subplots that go no where, Krang and Shredder teaming up makes no sense and the 'show, don't tell' is all over the place. This generation deserves better Turtles.
8. Angry Birds
If you know a single bird pun then you have seen everything that Angry Birds has to offer. It is the most obvious cash grab to come out this year. A movie made out of a mobile game with virtually no plot to begin with, Angry Birds felt dated two minutes in.
7. Assassin's Creed
Assassin's Creed is lower on the list by the chance that there was a good plot, a good cast and a good director with the designers of the original game guiding the entire project. The pieces were all lined up for this to be good, perhaps the first great video game movie, but a bad movie is a bad movie. This isn't even dumb fun because it refuses to acknowledge how dumb it actually is.
The Dan Brown novels that spawned this series of movies is one of the more mind blowing things to happen in the 2000's. A terrible book that has spawned nothing but terrible movies, Inferno is contrived yet somehow still incredibly obvious. With an ending that made zero sense and a twist anyone with basic knowledge of plot development could see coming a mile away, this movie isn't worth anyone's time.
5. Collateral Beauty
When you have to use two hands to count the amount of Oscar winners and nominees in your cast and your movie is still a giant pile of garbage, then that's almost impressive. Collateral Damage artificially tries to tug at your heartstrings with all of the subtlety of a 2×4 to the face. This cast must have had gambling debts that needed to be paid off to think this was a good idea.
4. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
The DC universe started out the year with a bang; this was supposed to be The Movie. This was the one to kick off the entire DC Cinematic Universe. This had two of the most recognizable names in comics history fighting each other, yet the movie was a huge mess. A movie littered with bad decision after bad decision, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice was so bad it negatively affected another movie on this list. Also, the 'extended cut' doesn't count.
3. Alice Through The Looking Glass
Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland movie was one of the worst things he ever made but it also made a ton of money so now everyone is back for a sequel. For a movie named after her Alice doesn't appear to be the main character as all the focus is on Johnny Depp's terrifying version of The Mad Hatter. Where do I apply to get those near two hours of my life back?
2. Gods of Egypt
The director of Gods of Egypt Alex Proyas came out and publically blamed the press for this forgotten movie bombing at the box office earlier this year. This is a movie about ancient Egypt that featured a bunch of white people and a cast that were seemingly told that wandering around in garish outfits would be enough. If I, as a critic, am responsible for this movie failing then I'll happily add that to my list of accomplishments
1. Suicide Squad
Perhaps it is unfair to hold the failures of Batman v Superman against Suicide Squad. Batman v Superman was supposed to be the easy home run which left Suicide Squad the opportunity to be daring and different. However, the weight of the entire DC universe was too much for a script written in six weeks to bear. This one looked good, the trailers were promising, but it was so clearly hacked to the bone in editing that there wasn't anything left. This was DC's third strike with only Wonder Woman now to sweep in and save the day (fingers crossed). Also the 'extended cut' still doesn't count.
I know that a lot of you are going to disagree with this list but this is what I have. Tell me why I'm wrong in a calm and reasonable matter in the comments section on Twitter or on Facebook.
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