Posted in: Kaitlyn Booth, Movies, Paramount Pictures, Review | Tagged: smurfs

Smurfs Review: A Kids' Movie That Forgets Children Aren't Stupid

Smurfs is a prime example of what happens when committees, instead of people, make films.

Smurfs is exactly what happens when everyone involved in a project thinks kids are just tiny, dumb adults who couldn't possibly understand anything with depth or meaning.

Director: Chris Miller
Summary: When Papa Smurf is taken by evil wizards Razamel and Gargamel, Smurfette leads the Smurfs on a mission to the real world to save him.

There is a fundamental difference between a "kids' movie" and a "family movie," even if it seems rather obvious. A family movie will appeal evenly (mostly) to everyone in a family, from the smallest kid all the way to a grandparent. A kids' movie is something kids will enjoy for the 90 minutes they are in the theaters while the parents take advantage of the AC and maybe disassociate for a little while. While there is nothing wrong with kids' entertainment, the problem is when said entertainment thinks that children are just small, dumb adults instead of fully formed human beings with a unique and different way of looking at the world. Smurfs is a film that doesn't believe in kids' capacity to handle any subject matter beyond "bad guy took friend, let's go get him." It doesn't challenge them because no one involved seems to believe children are capable or worthy of being challenged.

Smurfs moves at a breakneck speed from the moment it begins because kids don't have attention spans now, right? They're all addicted to iPads, so they must have no attention spans, so they need scenes that fly by so fast nothing becomes memorable because there's no time for the memory to implant itself in your brain, right? When the movie opens, you think that this might be a full-blown musical, because why else would you hire Rihanna and inflict James Corden on the public if you're not going to take advantage of the fact that they can sing? Smurfs attempts to split the difference by having exactly three songs, and no more. Three songs are not enough to be a musical, but it is enough songs that they stand out like a blue thumb compared to the rest of the film.

The film is also trying to split the difference in terms of its animation style. The previous Smurfs films all had the Smurfs themselves in the real world interacting with humans, and they were animated in a way that they were supposed to look like part of our reality. Smurfs brings the characters to the real world for no reason at all, aside from a few throwaway jokes that don't really matter. Traveling to the human world doesn't matter, and if the character they are trying to pick up were on any other planet, nothing would have changed. Paris and the Australian Outback are purely set dressing and nothing more.

So many aspects of this movie feel like a fever dream, and in many ways it is, but not in any way that might be fun. The worst thing is that unless you are invested in the idea that children deserve art that doesn't speak down to them like they're stupid, it's not offensively terrible. The animation is fine, if a bit generic compared to what Paramount has done in the past with films like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem or Transformers One. Rhianna is a bit stiff as a voice actor, and while her voice would do amazing for something like ASMR or maybe reading a book, voice acting might not be the best direction. There is a bafflingly impressive cast lined up everywhere else putting in their best "all right" work.

Smurfs is a prime example of what happens when committees, instead of people, make films. The concept, the jokes, and everything about this movie look like they would work on paper, but the execution is where everything falls apart. The real question for a film like this isn't what any adult thinks in terms of quality, it's what kids think, because this is a kids' movie, and they will probably enjoy it. There is more than enough here to keep them engaged, and it doesn't overstay its welcome either.

For parents, there are worse ways to spend an afternoon in a movie theater, but with how expensive movie tickets are and how broke everyone is, would you really want to spend your limited fun money on a movie that only works for one demographic of your family? There are other options out there, and The Bad Guys 2 will be out in a few weeks if you want something animated. That film with some talking animals addresses the fundamental issues that felons face when they have to re-enter a society that does not believe in rehabilitation and shows how forgiveness is earned, not given, through good deeds. Kids can't possibly wrap their heads around all that. Let's get Sound Effects Smurf over here to make another "fuck" joke while James Corden sings a song that sounds straight out of the worst era of Disney movie musicals without a hint of irony. That's what the kids want these days.

Smurfs

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Review by Kaitlyn Booth

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2.5/10

Smurfs is exactly what happens when everyone involved in a project thinks kids are just tiny, dumb adults who couldn't possibly understand anything with depth or meaning.

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