puffinbottoms


Report: No One At WWE Smackdown Live Staff Meeting Objected To Premeditated Assault

Report: No One At WWE Smackdown Live Staff Meeting Objected To Premeditated Assault

'Pulverizer' Puffinbottoms "That a high ranking WWE executive both proposed and approved this plan, that it was able to slip by human resources without raising any alarms, and that not a single one of the wrestlers objected to participating in a premeditated assault against their RAW brand colleagues, indicates a complete breakdown of ethical boundaries[...]

Fake News: North Korean Nuclear Bomb Test Revealed To Be Private Screening Of Marvels Inhumans

Fake News: North Korean Nuclear Bomb Test Revealed To Be Private Screening Of Marvel's Inhumans

Puffinbottoms "But some TV critics theorize Marvel's Inhumans could be a mega-bomb a thousand times a thousand times more powerful than that."Puffinbottoms explained that military analysts were taking North Korea too literally when they tried to interpret their threats to attach a nuclear warhead to an intercontinental ballistic missile "Metaphorically speaking," the professor warned, "a[...]


Hyperbole: Science Is One Step Closer To Weaponizing Bad Movies For Biological Warfare

Hyperbole: Science Is One Step Closer To Weaponizing Bad Movies For Biological Warfare

Puffinbottoms."The government has been looking for ways to weaponize bad movies for decades, and this could be just the opportunity they were waiting for," Professor Puffinbottoms explained "Just think about the damage that could be inflicted on an unsuspecting population if a strain of bacteria were released into the wild with, for instance, the entirety[...]


Dark Tower Wont Break $20 Million At Box Office This Weekend

Dark Tower Won't Break $20 Million At Box Office This Weekend

Puffinbottoms,  it was always a statistical probability."For every The Shining, Stand By Me, or Shawshank Redemption," Puffinbottoms explained, "there's at least one Sleepwalkers, Needful Things, or.. what's that movie with the killer trucks and the AC/DC soundtrack?"Maximum Overdrive."Maximum Overdrive," the Professor agreed "If you find yourself adapting a Stephen King story, there's a 50% or[...]

Chinese Investors Want Hollywood To Stop Making Crappy Movies

Chinese Investors Want Hollywood To Stop Making Crappy Movies

Puffinbottoms."The trick is to make movies that aren't terrible," Professor Puffinbottoms explained "Yes, to some extent, there's a risk to any production, but for chrissakes, use some common sense.""Nobody was clamoring for a Baywatch movie," Puffinbottoms added.  Initiating a bold economic strategy that could change the way Hollywood does business, Chinese financiers have reportedly asked[...]

Comic Shop Consortium Sends Dellotto Variant Of Bendis Comic To Troops

Comic Shop Consortium Sends Dell'otto Variant Of Bendis Comic To Troops

Puffinbottoms "When we need our troops to be thinking about strategy and proper fighting techniques, they'll be pondering Bendis's deep dialogue and subtle plotting, instead of focusing on the true enemy: The Purple Man.""No! Wait! I mean ISIS!" General Puffinbottoms hastily added "See? Even I'm distracted now This is terrible!"But despite the warnings of this[...]

Marvel Still Figuring Out Math Thing As Iron Man And Deadpool Legacy Numbers Explained

Marvel Still Figuring Out Math Thing As Iron Man And Deadpool Legacy Numbers Explained

Puffinbottoms."Oh, this is simple!" Puffinbottoms explained "There's a precise mathematical formula that can be applied to these legacy numbers that makes everything make perfect sense."Great!"All you have to do is add up all the volumes," Puffinbottoms continued, "and then you [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] and it all works out like this See?"We told Professor Puffinbottoms that[...]

Peyton Reed Teases Upcoming Ant-Man And The Wasp Social Media Post In Social Media Post

Peyton Reed Teases Upcoming Ant-Man And The Wasp Social Media Post In Social Media Post

Puffinbottoms, a real person "Click the slideshow to find out more."Clicking through Puffinbottoms' slideshow, we were treated to seven of the most outrageously overblown headlines produced about an Instagram post by Ant-Man and the Wasp director Peyton Reed "Marvel’s Ant-Man & The Wasp Director Teases Big News," wrote CBR "Peyton Reed Teases Ant Man &[...]


Report: Warner Bros President Is Mythical New Comic Book Reader

Report: Warner Bros President Is Mythical New Comic Book Reader

Puffinbottoms."This is probably the most important discovery in comics since scientists figured out that the testicles of the endangered Sri Lankan elephant could be ground up to produce the raw materials needed to make 3D lenticular variant covers," Professor Puffinbottoms explained "A real, live new comic book reader Can you believe that? Any comic book[...]

Film Industry Woes Solved After Man Arrested For Illegally Sharing Deadpool On Facebook

Film Industry Woes Solved After Man Arrested For Illegally Sharing Deadpool On Facebook

Puffinbottoms."Oh yes, this would have a profound effect indeed," the jolly Professor told us, pleased at an opportunity to break out his chalkboard and begin solving complex formulas "If one considers that the average cost of a theater ticket is $8.84 and multiplies by the fact that all five million people who viewed the film illegally would have[...]



REPORT: DC Stockpiling Rare Lenticular Element In Burbank Compound

REPORT: DC Stockpiling Rare Lenticular Element In Burbank Compound

Puffinbottoms, an expert in the scientific field of Lenticular and Holofoil Variant Coverology at the prestigious Trump University "Even the slightest mishandling could result in disaster, and if someone were to use Explodium maliciously, there's no limit to the destruction they could cause.""There are literally no other uses for Explodium other than making variant covers or[...]