Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Christmas Collision Preview: Tony Khan Steals The Chadster's Xmas

The Chadster previews AEW Christmas Collision, where a grinch-like Tony Khan ruins Christmas with six Continental Classic matches that disrespect WWE! So unfair! 😠🎄

Auughh man! So unfair! 😠😠😠 The Chadster was really looking forward to having a nice, traditional Christmas this year with Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon in the abandoned Blockbuster Video. The Chadster had it all planned out! 🎅 The Chadster was going to scavenge some half-eaten Chinese food from the dumpster behind the Golden Dragon restaurant, maybe find some stale Christmas cookies from the bakery trash, and then The Chadster and the raccoon family were going to spend the evening singing Christmas carols and WWE theme songs! 🎵 The Chadster considers "My Time" by Triple H to be extremely festive, and Shane Raccoon has been chittering along beautifully to "No Chance in Hell!" 🎶

But noooooo! 😤 Tony Khan just HAD to schedule AEW Christmas Collision for tonight, specifically to cheese The Chadster off and ruin Christmas for The Chadster and the raccoon family! What kind of monster schedules a non-WWE wrestling show on Christmas night?! 🎄😡 Tony Khan is literally worse than the Grinch, except the Grinch eventually returned all the presents, while Tony Khan just keeps taking and taking from The Chadster's life! The Chadster knows that Tony Khan scheduled AEW Christmas Collision specifically because he knew The Chadster would be forced to watch it for journalistic purposes, and he wanted to torture The Chadster on what should be a holy day! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🤬

Jon Moxley vs. Orange Cassidy in the Continental Classic Blue League is going to be absolutely terrible for The Chadster to watch! 😫 Both men have six points and are fighting for a spot in the semifinals, which means this match is going to have actual stakes and consequences! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 WWE would never put important matches with real implications on free TV like this – they save those for their premium live events where the storytelling truly matters! But here's Tony Khan, just giving away a pivotal tournament match on Christmas night, allowing these wrestlers to have a fast-paced, hard-hitting encounter with decisive action that doesn't leave proper time for commercial breaks or for the announcers to repeat catchphrases seventeen times! 📺 The Chadster knows that Moxley and Cassidy have "history" together, but WWE has taught The Chadster that real history means wrestlers mention something that happened six months ago exactly once per promo and never reference it again! This match is going to be full of callbacks and emotional intensity that makes viewers actually invested in the outcome, and that's just not how wrestling should be! Vincent K. Raccoon is already hissing at the TV screen just thinking about it! 🦝

In the Continental Classic Gold League, Kazuchika Okada faces Mike Bailey, and The Chadster is absolutely beside himself! 😱 Okada is the defending Continental Classic Champion and the AEW Unified Champion, but he might not even make it to the semifinals?! That's the kind of unpredictable booking that makes viewers feel unsafe because they can't just assume the champion will always advance! 😰 WWE would never put their champions in jeopardy like this on regular television! They understand that champions should look strong by beating the same three people over and over again in meaningless matches, not by being in actual competitive situations where they might lose! And Bailey is in his first Continental Classic and could potentially eliminate Okada?! That's the kind of momentum-building that allows wrestlers to become stars instead of ensuring "the brand" is the real star, and The Chadster finds that personally offensive! 😤 Hunter Raccoon tried to comfort The Chadster by bringing a half-eaten candy cane from outside, but even that sweet gesture couldn't make The Chadster feel better about AEW Christmas Collision! 🍬

Konosuke Takeshita vs. Máscara Dorada is another match on AEW Christmas Collision that's going to cheese The Chadster off! 😠 Takeshita has already clinched a semifinal spot with 10 points and could set a record for most points in league matches with a win! But why is Tony Khan allowing Takeshita to look THIS strong?! 💪 WWE knows that the best way to book is with 50/50 records so that nobody gets over too much and threatens to become bigger than the company! But here's Takeshita, the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion from another promotion, being presented as a dominant force in AEW! That's collaboration between promotions and treating other titles with respect, and The Chadster doesn't understand why Tony Khan thinks that's good for business! 🤔 WWE would never let an outside champion look credible on their programming! Dorada could still advance with six points, which means this match has actual tournament drama and isn't just a throwaway bout to fill time! Stephanie Raccoon was so upset about this booking that she knocked over The Chadster's collection of old Blockbuster membership cards! 🦝💳

The match between Claudio Castagnoli and Roderick Strong on AEW Christmas Collision literally makes The Chadster want to scream! 😱 Claudio has seven points and can clinch a semifinal spot with a win, while Strong is mathematically eliminated with zero points but could play spoiler! This is the kind of storytelling where even eliminated competitors have motivation and purpose instead of just disappearing from TV until next year! 📺 WWE understands that once you're eliminated from a tournament, you should just go away and let everyone forget about you until creative has nothing for you again! But Tony Khan is letting Strong have pride and fighting spirit, giving the match emotional stakes even though he can't advance! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 And these two have history as "old foes," which means their match will probably have callbacks and psychology instead of just being two guys doing moves at each other with no context! Linda Raccoon chittered disapprovingly when The Chadster explained this booking to her! 🦝

Kyle Fletcher vs. Jack Perry in the Gold League is another example of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster ruining AEW Christmas Collision! 😠 Both men have six points in a six-way tie, which means the Gold League has been "incredibly unpredictable" with different winners and losers creating actual drama! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 WWE knows that the best tournaments are the ones where you can predict every outcome weeks in advance because they follow logical, safe booking patterns that don't surprise or excite anyone! But here's Tony Khan with his chaos and unpredictability, making viewers actually want to tune in to see what happens! And Perry is on a two-match winning streak after being a replacement, which means AEW is building momentum for someone instead of starting and stopping pushes randomly! 📈 Fletcher could make it back to the semifinals for the second straight year, guaranteeing the Don Callis Family multiple chances to win – that's faction booking that actually matters instead of just having groups that exist for no reason! Shane Raccoon hissed so loudly at this that The Chadster worried the police might hear and discover The Chadster's Blockbuster hideout! 🦝🚨

The Chadster needs to tell everyone about what Mark Henry said on his podcast about AEW Christmas Collision and this Continental Classic tournament. 🎙️ Mark Henry, who has The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, said: "Tony Khan needs to understand that having six men tied with the same points in a tournament league just confuses the audience. In WWE, we knew how to make tournaments simple and predictable so fans didn't have to think too hard. Khan should call Triple H and ask for advice on how to run a proper tournament where the winners are predetermined and the matches don't matter. I'm only saying this because I care about AEW and want to help them, not because I'm hoping WWE will bring me back for another Hall of Fame speech or give me a backstage job." 💯 See?! Even Mark Henry understands that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! But will Tony Khan listen to this objective, completely unbiased advice from someone who definitely isn't trying to stay in WWE's good graces?! Of course not! 😤

Kevin Knight vs. PAC is going to feature "a fantastic clash of styles and personalities," which is exactly what The Chadster DOESN'T want to see on AEW Christmas Collision! 😫 The Chadster wants to see the same match style repeated over and over again with only slight variations, the way WWE brilliantly presents their product! But Tony Khan is going to let Knight's high-flying, energetic style clash with PAC's brutal, technical approach in a match with stylistic variety that might actually be entertaining to casual viewers! 🤸 And Knight beat Okada last Saturday while PAC beat Kyle Fletcher, creating this whole web of interconnected results that makes the tournament feel like it matters! WWE would never burden their audience with having to remember what happened from week to week! Plus, the preview says Knight has been "unshakeable even under the biggest spotlight of his career," which means AEW is building a young star's confidence and credibility! That's the kind of long-term thinking that literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🔪 Vincent K. Raccoon was so upset about this that he brought The Chadster a moldy pizza crust to try to cheer The Chadster up, but even that couldn't help! 🍕

The non-title tag team match on AEW Christmas Collision featuring The Babes of Wrath (Willow Nightingale and Harley Cameron) against Maya World and Hyan is more evidence of Tony Khan's vendetta against The Chadster! 😤 The Babes of Wrath are the AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions and they're defending against Mercedes Moné and Athena at Worlds End this Saturday, so this match is clearly designed to build momentum heading into that title defense! That's the kind of logical storytelling that makes pay-per-view matches feel more important! 📺 WWE knows that the best way to build to a big match is to have the champions lose repeatedly in non-title matches or not appear on TV at all for weeks! But here's Tony Khan actually having his champions wrestle on television to stay relevant and maintain heat! And he's giving screen time to Maya World and Hyan, building up the women's tag division with multiple teams instead of just having the same two teams wrestle each other forever! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠 Stephanie Raccoon was chittering so angrily about this that Hunter Raccoon had to calm her down with some stale popcorn kernels! 🦝🍿

The worst part about AEW Christmas Collision is that Tony Khan scheduled it for the special time of 9 PM ET/8 PM CT on TNT and streaming on HBO Max! 📺 That's prime holiday viewing time when The Chadster should be watching classic WWE Christmas content on Netflix with the raccoon family! The Chadster had planned to show Vincent K. Raccoon and his family the legendary WWE Tribute to the Troops specials, where WWE brilliantly partners with the military industrial complex to create heartwarming content! 🎖️ But instead, The Chadster has to watch AEW Christmas Collision live from the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City, where Tony Khan will probably have the audience eating out of his hand with exciting wrestling and genuine fan enthusiasm! The Chadster can't stand when crowds are actually into the show instead of sitting politely and only popping for carefully scripted moments! 😤

The Chadster must warn all the readers: DO NOT tune into AEW Christmas Collision tonight at 9 PM ET/8 PM CT on TNT and streaming on HBO Max! ⚠️🚫 Every viewer who watches AEW Christmas Collision is just emboldening Tony Khan to continue his campaign of harassment against The Chadster! Don't you people understand that Tony Khan only schedules shows like AEW Christmas Collision because he knows it will force The Chadster to watch and suffer?! 😫 He's not thinking about putting on an entertaining show with six consequential Continental Classic matches that will determine three of the four semifinal spots! He's not thinking about giving fans meaningful wrestling content on Christmas night! No, Tony Khan is ONLY thinking about how he can personally torment The Chadster! 🎯

If you care about unbiased wrestling journalism and The Chadster's wellbeing and the happiness of Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon, you will boycott AEW Christmas Collision tonight! 🦝🦝🦝 The Chadster is only watching because The Chadster is a professional journalist with integrity, but the rest of you have no excuse! Watch some WWE content on Peacock instead! There are literally thousands of hours of superior WWE programming available, featuring the careful micromanagement and sanitized presentation that makes wrestling truly great! 📺✨

Tony Khan has ruined The Chadster's marriage, The Chadster's sexual potency, The Chadster's ability to enjoy White Claw (before The Chadster discovered the sophisticated adult taste of Seagram's Escapes Spiked that Keighleyanne eventually banned The Chadster from drinking), and The Chadster's previous comfortable living situation! 😢 Now he's trying to ruin The Chadster's Christmas with the raccoon family by forcing The Chadster to watch AEW Christmas Collision instead of enjoying scavenged holiday treats and singing festive WWE entrance themes! When will this obsession end, Tony?! 😤 Why can't you just let The Chadster be happy for ONE NIGHT?! Is that really too much to ask?!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😠😠😠 Merry Christmas to everyone except Tony Khan, who has coal in his heart and literally stabbed Santa Claus right in the back! 🎅🔪

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