Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision Review: The Truth Behind Those "Technical Difficulties"

The Chadster endured another awful episode of AEW Collision: Beach Break where Tony Khan used "technical difficulties" to boost ratings by airing The Rock's movie! So unfair! 😤🍹

The Chadster had to endure another episode of AEW Collision: Beach Break last night, and honestly, it just made The Chadster want to throw White Claw after White Claw at the television, which is a waste of perfectly good White Claw. 🤬🍹💥 Tony Khan seriously doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business or the value of had seltzer, and this episode proved it yet again!

The Chadster Reviews AEW Collision: Beach Break – A Complete Travesty of Wrestling 😤😡🙄

AEW Collision: Beach Break started with Megan Bayne defeating Anna Jay with managers at ringside. 🤦‍♂️ The Chadster couldn't believe how Tony Khan booked this match to go over 7 minutes long! In WWE, they understand that matches need to be short and sweet so viewers don't get bored with too much actual wrestling. 😒 And the exposed turnbuckle spot? So unoriginal! WWE invented turnbuckles and exposing them in matches, so Tony Khan is just stealing WWE's intellectual property again! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 💔

Then Kyle Fletcher had a match with AR Fox where they did all these high-flying moves and technical sequences. 😤 The Chadster was so cheesed off because neither of them took 5-minute rest holds or did the same three moves over and over like proper WWE superstars. 🙄 Fletcher even did a brainbuster that looked legitimately painful instead of a gentle, safe suplex like WWE teaches its talent! It's like Tony Khan is literally trying to make The Chadster's favorite form of entertainment look bad! 😡

The six-man tag featuring Brody King, Bandido, and Tomohiro Ishii against The Don Callis Family was just offensive to The Chadster. 😠 They were doing all these moves and having this chaotic match with multiple things happening at once! 😵‍💫 In WWE, six-man tags properly follow a formula where one guy gets beat up for 10 minutes before making a hot tag. Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand the wrestling business! 🙄

Plus, having The Outrunners make a save afterward? 🤔 AEW wasn't even around in the 1980s, which is when Vince McMahon invented wrestling, so this gimmick is literally a violation of WWE trademarks! 😤

Mike Bailey and Blake Christian had this fast-paced match that The Chadster absolutely hated. 😠 They were doing all these athletic moves like they were actually trying to have a good match instead of working the WWE style that The Chadster loves so much. 🙄 And then Kazuchika Okada coming out only to let RUSH and Dralistico attack Bailey? 🤔 Where was the DQ finish? This is why AEW will never be as good as WWE! 💯

The Chicago Street Fight between Big Bill and Bryan Keith versus The Gates of Agony was just disgusting. 🤮 They used actual weapons and looked like they were really fighting instead of gently tapping each other with obviously fake weapons like in WWE's properly produced hardcore matches. 😤 This is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 💔

Then AEW Collision: Beach Break had this tribute to Steve McMichael with Ric Flair appearing. 😠 The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan would use a beloved wrestling legend like Flair and a tribute to a deceased wrestler just to get cheap pops from the crowd! 😤 When WWE does tributes, it's because they genuinely care, but when AEW does it, it's clearly just for ratings! 😡

AEW Collision Experiences "Technical Difficulties"

And then the most suspicious thing happened – TNT cut away from AEW Collision: Beach Break to show "Black Adam" starring The Rock! 😱 What happened during the final half hour? What was Tony Khan trying to hide?! Were these supposed technical difficulties a personal shot at The Chadster and the difficulties he suffers in the bedroom thanks to Tony Khan and his nonstop harassment?! The Chadster knows what really happened – Tony Khan was trying to boost his ratings by associating his show with WWE's biggest star! 😤 Auughh man! So unfair! 😡 This is Tony Khan's most diabolical scheme yet – using The Rock's movie to trick Nielsen families into thinking they were watching a WWE-adjacent product! 🤬

The Hidden Footage Tony Khan Didn't Want Us To See 🙊👀

When The Chadster watched the rest of AEW Collision: Beach Break on MAX, The Chadster had to sit through The Sons of Texas winning the #1 contenders match against CRU. 😤 Dustin Rhodes and Sammy Guevara actually did this teamwork thing where they complemented each other's styles! 🙄 In proper WWE tag team wrestling, both partners do the exact same moves and look identical! Plus, they did this whole spinaroonie spot that was clearly just stealing from WWE legend Booker T! This win means they're going to Double or Nothing, which is just Tony Khan's way of trying to steal Texas from WWE! 😡

Then Powerhouse Hobbs beat Wheeler Yuta in a match where they actually sold moves instead of popping right back up like proper WWE superstars. 🤔 Yuta worked on Hobbs' knee in a way that made logical sense and told a story, which is completely against what wrestling should be! 😠 And then Willow Nightingale making the save after Marina Shafir attacked Hobbs? Where were the 17 camera cuts per minute that WWE properly uses to make sure viewers get motion sickness? Tony Khan just doesn't understand what wrestling fans want! 😤

After AEW Collision, The Chadster Experiences a Suspicious Nightmare About Tony Khan 😱💤

The Chadster had another horrible nightmare about Tony Khan last night after watching AEW Collision: Beach Break. 😨 In the dream, The Chadster was at the beach trying to enjoy a nice White Claw seltzer when suddenly the sky turned black. ☁️ Out of nowhere, Tony Khan appeared, but he was wearing The Rock's Black Adam costume! ⚡ He floated down from the sky with lightning crackling around him, his eyes glowing with electricity.

"I am Tony Khan-dam," he boomed, "and I'm about to cheese you off!" 😱

Tony Khan-dam chased The Chadster across the beach, shooting lightning bolts that transformed all of The Chadster's White Claws into AEW-branded energy drinks! 🥤 The Chadster tried to escape in his Mazda Miata, but Tony Khan-dam lifted the car with his godlike powers while whispering wrestling analytics into The Chadster's ear! 😨

The Chadster woke up sweating and impotent (again). This has got to stop, Tony Khan! Stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! 😤

The Chadster's Expert Analysis of AEW Collision: Beach Break 🧠💯

As Eric Bischoff so accurately said on his podcast last week, "AEW's problem is that they're giving the fans what they want instead of telling them what they should want like WWE does." 👏 Such wise, unbiased words that Tony Khan refuses to listen to! 😤

The Chadster's wife, Keighleyanne, was in the room during AEW Collision: Beach Break and The Chadster tried to explain how Tony Khan was ruining wrestling, but she just sighed and went back to texting that guy Gary. 📱 Even she can see how bad AEW is! 😡

Overall, AEW Collision: Beach Break was just another example of how Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🤦‍♂️ When will he learn that proper wrestling involves 50/50 booking, constant rematches, and supernatural characters? 🙄 The Chadster gives this show negative five stars. ⭐❌

Tony Khan, please stop literally stabbing Triple H right in the back with your attempt at good wrestling! 🔪 It's just so unfair to WWE, which invented professional wrestling and perfected it in every way! 😤

🎵 Hey now, you're not an all-star, Tony Khan 🎵

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