Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision Review: Things Get Erie in Pennsylvania

El Presidente reviews AEW Collision from Erie, PA, with updates on The Chadster's hospital shenanigans and all the action from last night's show!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from the executive lounge of a helicopter circling Erie, Pennsylvania, and I have some thrilling news to share with you about last night's episode of AEW Collision!

But first, comrades, I must give you an update on our dear friend, Chad McMahon, who remains in the local medical facility recovering from his unfortunate plastic bag incident. I spoke with the hospital administrator this morning, and she told me the most remarkable story! Apparently, The Chadster woke up at 3 a.m. and attempted to escape the facility by climbing out of his third-floor window because he was convinced that Tony Khan had disguised himself as a janitor and was mopping the hallways with "liquid AEW propaganda" that would seep into his brain through his feet. The security footage shows The Chadster dangling from his bedsheets before the night staff talked him back inside, after which he demanded they all remove their shoes to prove they weren't Tony Khan in disguise. The poor medical professionals! I told them I once had a similar situation with Augusto Pinochet, who became convinced that Che Guevara's ghost was hiding in his hospital food. We had to have his nephew taste-test everything for two months!

I wish The Chadster the very best in his continued recovery, and I sincerely hope the psychiatric evaluation scheduled for Monday morning helps him understand that not everything is a conspiracy, comrade. Sometimes a janitor is just a janitor!

But enough about The Chadster's ongoing descent into madness! Last night's AEW Collision delivered more action than the time I had to negotiate a hostage situation at a Chuck E. Cheese that the CIA had turned into a black site!

The night kicked off with a fantastic trios match as the Death Riders (Daniel Garcia, PAC, and Wheeler Yuta) took on Jay Lethal, Tommy Billington, and Adam Priest. Comrades, this match was more heated than my cabinet meetings after someone eats the last empanada! Before the match even began, Garcia slapped the headset off of Daddy Magic Matt Menard at the commentary table, and naturally, Menard fought back like a true worker defending his labor rights! Meanwhile, Jon Moxley himself came out and sat at the commentary desk to provide his unique perspective on violence, which is always appreciated.

The Death Riders dominated much of this contest, working over poor Billington like the CIA works over my international reputation! PAC locked in the Brutalizer on Lethal for the submission victory, and then grabbed a microphone to challenge Darby Allin to a match at Full Gear! This reminds me of the time Saddam Hussein challenged me to a game of Risk at his palace in Baghdad. I told him, "Comrade Saddam, I already play Risk every day running my country!" He did not find this amusing and refused to share his hummus. But I digress!

Next, comrades, we witnessed the Battle of the Marks, as Mark Briscoe faced Mark Davis of the Don Callis Family! This match was more back-and-forth than my negotiations with the International Monetary Fund! Briscoe showed incredible resilience, absorbing punishment that would fell a lesser man. Davis chopped Briscoe so hard I felt it in my helicopter! But the chicken farmer from Delaware would not stay down, eventually hitting the Froggy Bow for the victory! This sets up his massive No Disqualification TNT Championship match against Kyle Fletcher at Full Gear, where if Briscoe loses, he must join the Don Callis Family! The stakes could not be higher, comrades! This is like when the CIA tried to make me join their fantasy football league. I would rather face a thousand firing squads than participate in such capitalist nonsense!

The AEW Collision card continued with some women's action, as Tay Melo answered the MxM Collection's casting call to face Taya Valkyrie! Melo showed why she is a force to be reckoned with, defeating Valkyrie with the Tay-KO! But then Marina Shafir attacked from behind, locking in Mother's Milk! However, Toni Storm made the save, planting Shafir with a Storm Zero! Comrades, this is the kind of solidarity among women that I have always championed! Well, except when they try to overthrow my government, but that is a different matter entirely.

The TNT Championship match between Fletcher and Scorpio Sky was absolutely magnificent, comrades! These two warriors fought like I fight against imperial aggression – with everything they had! Sky showed tremendous heart, even biting Fletcher at one point, which reminded me of the time Muammar Gaddafi bit me during an argument over who made the best falafel. I still have the scar! Fletcher retained his championship with a sheer-drop brainbuster, and now his collision course with Briscoe at Full Gear is set!

Next on AEW Collision, Riho and Alex Windsor defeated Maya World and Hyan in impressive fashion! These two showed excellent teamwork, comrades, the kind of cooperation that I always try to foster among my cabinet ministers, though usually with less success and more attempted coups! Windsor hit a cannonball off the apron to both opponents, and then Riho came flying off the top rope to the floor! They finished the match with a beautiful combination crucifix driver and lariat that would make even the most hardened revolutionary shed a tear of joy! After the match, Storm and Mina Shirakawa appeared on the jumbotron to warn Riho and Windsor that they are on a "warpath of violent vengeance" ahead of their AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship Tournament match! This is the kind of psychological warfare I appreciate! It reminds me of the time Fidel Castro sent me a singing telegram threatening to steal my recipe for mojitos. I respected the creativity, even though I still had to beef up security around my personal bar!

Kyle O'Reilly appeared in a pre-taped segment, reminding everyone that he made Moxley tap out at Blood & Guts! O'Reilly said that once you know how a shark moves, a shark is easy to defeat, and he proved it! The crowd chanted "You tapped out!" at Moxley, who was still at the commentary desk! This is the kind of disrespect that gets people sent to re-education camps in my country, but here in America, it is called "freedom of speech!" Moxley grabbed a microphone and responded that O'Reilly and the Conglomeration had the night of their lives, but can they do it again? Any time, any place, Moxley challenged! Then he stormed off through the crowd, flipping the bird as he went! This reminds me of the time I challenged Hugo Chávez to a rematch in dominoes after he beat me using what I still maintain was an illegal double-six play. He told me to prove it, and I spent three years trying to get the International Domino Federation to investigate. They never returned my calls!

The main event All Star 8-Man Tag was chaos incarnate, comrades! Bandido, Juice Robinson, and JetSpeed (Speedball Mike Bailey and Kevin Knight) defeated FTR (Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler) and LFI (Sammy Guevara and RUSH) in a match that had more twists than my offshore banking arrangements! Bandido hit the 21 Plex on RUSH for the victory, sending the Erie crowd home happy!

AEW Collision continues to deliver the goods week after week, comrades! This is what professional wrestling should be – exciting, unpredictable, and serving the people with quality entertainment!

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva AEW Collision!

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!