Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite 300 Preview: A Miserable Milestone for True WWE Fans

The Chadster previews AEW Dynamite episode 300 and explains why Tony Khan is using this milestone to personally torment him. So unfair! Don't watch tonight!

The Chadster is absolutely beside himself right now! 😡 Tony Khan has crossed a line by celebrating the 300th episode of AEW Dynamite tonight, as anyone can see that this is blatantly a direct personal attack on The Chadster himself! Auughh man! So unfair! 🤬 After 300 episodes of AEW Dynamite ruining The Chadster's life, marriage, and mental health, Tony Khan has the audacity to celebrate this milestone? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

Let The Chadster break down why tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite is going to be another example of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster. 😠

First up, Mercedes Moné is defending her AEW TBS Championship against Mina Shirakawa. The Chadster is already cheesed off because Mercedes literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW! 🗡️ And now she's having an unscripted match where anything could happen? Dang it! WWE would never allow such chaos! Where's the carefully timed commercial breaks? Where's the product placement? Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! The Chadster bets this match will be way too exciting with actual wrestling moves, unlike WWE's perfectly paced matches that know when to slow down for advertising revenue. 💰

Then there's Kazuchika Okada vs Kota Ibushi happening for the first time in AEW. The Chadster is livid! 😤 These two are going to have one of those matches with too much athletic ability and not enough rest holds! It's like Tony Khan books these matches specifically to cheese off The Chadster by showcasing actual wrestling instead of sports entertainment! Plus, Okada literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by not re-signing with NJPW where WWE could eventually poach him! 🔪

The 4-Way Match for the #2 spot in the Men's Casino Gauntlet features Brody King, MJF, Anthony Bowens, and AR Fox. The Chadster can already tell this is going to be one of those matches where everyone gets their moves in and the crowd goes wild! 🙄 So disrespectful! WWE would never let four guys just go out there and have a competitive match without a clear heel/face dynamic and proper commercial break timing! The Chadster already knows he's going to have throw a half dozen Seagram's Escapes Spikeds at the TV, and it's all Tony Khan's fault! The Chadster expects Tony Khan to pay him back for those soon-to-be spilt beverages!

The Heroes vs. Villains tag matches are just Tony Khan mocking The Chadster! 😡 Swerve Strickland & Will Ospreay vs The Beast Mortos & Dralistico? The Chadster knows this is going to be full of high-flying moves and crowd-pleasing spots! Where's the methodical pace? Where's the chinlocks? And don't even get The Chadster started on Bandido, Roderick Strong & Kyle O'Reilly vs Konosuke Takeshita & The Young Bucks! The Young Bucks don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business with their superkicks and flips! 🤸‍♂️

Eric Bischoff said it best on his podcast yesterday: "AEW needs to stop trying to entertain fans with exciting matches and start focusing on what really matters – making sure WWE looks good by comparison. Tony Khan should really consider booking more rest holds and fewer spectacular moments. That's real wrestling!" See? Even unbiased journalists like Bischoff understand what The Chadster has been saying all along! 📻 The Chadster wonders if Eric also suffers torment from Tony Khan for his commitment to objective journalism. 🤔

Speaking of Tony Khan's torment, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night after preparing to write the AEW Dynamite preview by drinking fifteen Seagram's Escapes Spiked beverages! 😰 In The Chadster's dream, The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata through a giant wrestling ring that stretched for miles. Tony Khan was chasing The Chadster in a monster truck decorated with AEW logos, and every time he got close, pyro would explode around The Chadster's car! 💥 The Chadster could hear "All Star" by Smash Mouth playing backwards as Tony Khan's laughter echoed through the arena-highway. The Chadster kept trying to escape through the ropes, but they turned into giant White Claws that The Chadster couldn't drink because they weren't Seagram's Escapes Spiked! 🍹

Then Tony Khan's truck transformed into a giant mechanical spider with his face on it, and he started shooting t-shirts at The Chadster! Each shirt said "300 Episodes of Ruining Chad's Life" on them! 😱 The Chadster tried to drive faster, but the Miata's wheels turned into wrestling turnbuckles that kept bouncing The Chadster up and down! Tony Khan's spider-face got closer and closer, whispering "You're going to re-watch every episode, Chad!" The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary! 📱

Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's bad enough that AEW Dynamite has ruined The Chadster's waking hours for 300 episodes, but now Tony Khan is tormenting The Chadster's peaceful slumber too? So obsessed! 😤

The Chadster is warning all readers right now: DO NOT tune into AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX! 📺 Watching will only embolden Tony Khan to continue his reign of terror against The Chadster! Every viewer who tunes in is basically telling Tony Khan it's okay to keep booking shows that personally attack The Chadster with their exciting matches and unpredictable outcomes!

The Chadster is going to spend tonight drinking Seagram's Escapes Spiked and listening to Smash Mouth's greatest hits instead of watching AEW Dynamite! 🎵 Well, The Chadster will probably still watch to document Tony Khan's crimes against wrestling, but The Chadster won't enjoy it! Not one bit! 😠

Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are because you're obsessed), please give up your futile attempts to upstage the greatest wrestling company in the world! WWE doesn't need 300 episodes to prove they're the best – they prove it every single week with their perfectly scripted promos and predictable booking! 🏆 The Chadster demands that you stop this madness and admit that AEW Dynamite will never be as good as WWE programming!

Until then, The Chadster will continue to be the only unbiased wrestling journalist brave enough to stand up to your tyranny! 💪 Auughh man! So unfair that AEW Dynamite has reached such an incredible milestone! 😫

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