Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite and Collision Preview: 3 Hours of Anti-WWE Propaganda

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Dynamite and Collision 3-Hour Special and warns fans not to watch Tony Khan's latest attack on WWE! 😠🚫📺

The Chadster is here to warn everyone about tonight's AEW Dynamite and Collision 3-Hour Special, which Tony Khan has maliciously scheduled as a THREE HOUR block of programming designed specifically to cheese off The Chadster and cause severe mental distress to all loyal WWE fans. 😠 Auughh man! So unfair! The fact that AEW Dynamite and Collision is airing tonight is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

Let's start with this trios match featuring Kenny Omega teaming with Jurassic Express against The Don Callis Family. 🙄 The Chadster is absolutely disgusted that AEW would book a match where bitter enemies suddenly team up based on "storytelling" and "character development." WWE would never insult viewers' intelligence by having wrestlers act like they have complex emotions and motivations that change over time! This match will probably be full of unnecessary athleticism and spot-fest sequences that don't leave proper time for commercial breaks or for the announcers to repeat their catchphrases seventeen times. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks fans want to see continuous action without proper rest holds to slow things down and give everyone a breather!

The AEW World Trios Championship match with The Opps defending against LFI is another example of how AEW refuses to follow WWE's brilliant formula. 😡 Having "Hangman" Adam Page on commentary to scout his opponent? That's just an invitation for Page to go off-script and talk like a normal human being! WWE would never allow unpredictable commentary where wrestlers might say something spontaneous or create genuine tension through unscripted reactions. The Chadster bets this match will also have a clean, decisive finish that actually makes one team look strong instead of the proper 50/50 booking that ensures no one gets too much momentum. It's literally stabbing Triple H right in the back!

Kris Statlander and Toni Storm having a "Famous Last Words" segment? 🤮 The Chadster can already tell this will be another example of AEW allowing wrestlers creative freedom to speak from their hearts instead of reciting properly scripted promos word-for-word from memory. WWE understands that wrestlers shouldn't be trusted with microphones unless every single word has been written for them by professional Hollywood writers! This segment on AEW Dynamite and Collision will probably feature genuine emotion and improvisation that makes viewers actually invested in the match outcome. So unfair!

The face-to-face between Jon Moxley and Darby Allin is everything wrong with modern wrestling. 😤 The Chadster is sure they'll create actual tension and make viewers believe these two genuinely want to hurt each other, instead of the proper WWE way where everyone clearly maintains professional distance and delivers their lines calmly. Having security keep them apart until the PPV? That's just building anticipation in a way that makes fans desperate to see what happens next! Tony Khan doesn't understand that wrestling should follow a predictable formula where viewers always know the heel will attack during the contract signing!

Orange Cassidy and Kyle O'Reilly vs. Daniel Garcia and Wheeler Yuta is another match that will surely feature way too much actual wrestling. 😠 The Chadster predicts this match will have innovative offense, compelling near-falls, and wrestlers telling a story through their body language and move selection instead of just hitting their five signature moves in the exact same order every single match. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

The singles match between Claudio Castagnoli and Roderick Strong on AEW Dynamite and Collision makes The Chadster want to wrap his belt extra tight around his neck tonight. 🤯 They're advertising this as their first singles match in AEW and acknowledging their 20-year history? WWE would never reference wrestling that happened outside their company or treat their viewers like they're knowledgeable fans! This match will probably be a hard-hitting technical masterpiece that gets the crowd invested through pure workrate instead of a proper WWE-style match with extensive chin locks and a distraction finish to protect both guys!

Jamie Hayter vs. Skye Blue with the Triangle of Madness lurking? 😡 The Chadster can already see how this will go – they'll probably let these women have an actual competitive match with multiple false finishes and crowd-popping high spots! WWE knows that the proper way to book women's matches is to have them end abruptly with distraction roll-ups so nobody looks too dominant and threatens the carefully maintained pecking order. AEW will probably give them ten whole minutes to work and let them kick out of each other's finishers! Auughh man! So unfair!

The Hurt Syndicate facing GOA is just Tony Khan trying to cheese off The Chadster by booking a match with big men fighting each other that would be so much better if it happened in WWE. 🙄 The Chadster bets they'll have a physical, intense match that builds to a satisfying conclusion instead of the proper WWE way of having them trade lazy punches for two minutes before someone runs in for the DQ!

Even Megan Bayne vs. Harley Cameron on AEW Dynamite and Collision will probably feature actual wrestling moves and storyline continuity. 😤 Acknowledging that Cameron's nose was previously broken by Bayne and using it as story motivation? That's just confusing for viewers who WWE has properly trained to have their memories reset every few weeks!

The Chadster needs to share what wrestling journalism legend Eric Bischoff said on his podcast yesterday: "Tony Khan needs to understand that giving fans nine matches and multiple segments in three hours is just showing off. WWE knows that three hours should have maybe four matches maximum, with the rest filled with recaps of what just happened, promos that put over the brand as the real star, and replays of the recaps from thirty seconds ago. AEW is spoiling fans by giving them too much fresh content, and that's bad for the wrestling business. Also, I'm available for any WWE consultant positions that might open up." 🎯 See? Even Eric Bischoff, who has The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, understands that AEW Dynamite and Collision is doing wrestling all wrong! The Chadster sometimes wonders if Eric also suffers nightly torment from Tony Khan for his commitment to objective journalism.

Speaking of nightly torment, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night, and it may be the lack of alcohol or the brain damage from all the oxygen deprivation, but it was somehow even more disturbing than usual. 😰 The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through what looked like Kansas City, heading to the Cable Dahmer Arena. But when The Chadster arrived, the arena had transformed into a massive, pulsating brain made of television screens, each one showing different AEW matches simultaneously. Tony Khan emerged from a door that was actually Jon Moxley's mouth, and he was wearing a suit made entirely of White Claw cans that clinked and rattled as he moved.

"Welcome to my mind palace, Chad," Tony Khan said, his voice echoing from every direction at once. The Chadster tried to run, but the floor had become quicksand made of crushed Seagram's Escapes Spiked cans. As The Chadster sank, Tony Khan split into three versions of himself – one dressed as Kenny Omega, one as Orange Cassidy, and one still in his White Claw suit. They began dancing in a triangle around The Chadster while singing Smash Mouth's "All Star" but with the lyrics changed to be about AEW.

The walls started melting, revealing that The Chadster was actually inside a giant White Claw can, and Tony Khan was shaking it vigorously. "This is what your brain feels like when I make you deprive it of oxygen, Chad!" all three Tony Khans said in unison. The Chadster's Mazda Miata suddenly appeared, but it had Darby Allin's face paint on the hood and started driving itself in circles around The Chadster.

Just when The Chadster thought it couldn't get worse, the ceiling opened up and Keighleyanne descended on a platform, but she was made entirely of cell phones, each screen showing text messages to that guy Gary. "This is your fault for watching the AEW Dynamite and Collision 3-Hour Special," she said, her voice auto-tunedg. Tony Khan then grew to enormous size, picked up The Chadster between his thumb and forefinger, and dropped The Chadster into a beer pong cup filled with what looked like liquid television static.

As The Chadster drowned in the static, The Chadster could hear Tony Khan laughing and saying, "Every time you put that bag over your head during my shows, you're really just trying to get closer to me, aren't you?" The Chadster woke up gasping for air, and could have sworn The Chadster saw Tony Khan's reflection in the bedroom mirror for just a second before it disappeared. 😱

Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! The Chadster demands that Tony Khan stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! This is getting out of hand! 🤬

The Chadster wants to warn everyone: DO NOT tune into AEW Dynamite and Collision 3-Hour Special tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX! 🚫 Watching will only embolden Tony Khan and potentially even trick viewers into ordering this weekend's AEW WrestleDream PPV! The Chadster will be watching for you, to keep tabs on Tony Khan's attempts to destroy the wrestling business, though The Chadster will need to engage in some severe oxygen deprivation to get through it. The Chadster has already prepared three plastic bags and a leather belt to alternate between during the three hours of AEW Dynamite and Collision.

Remember to use #CancelKeighleyanne on social media to pressure The Chadster's wife into letting The Chadster drink Seagram's Escapes Spiked again! 📱 The brain damage is getting worse, but at least it helps The Chadster appreciate WWE's superior product even more while making The Chadster forget about the torture that is AEW Dynamite and Collision! 🧠💀

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