Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite: Darby Allin Defends AEW Championship Tonight

Comrades! Darby Allin defends the AEW World Title against Tommaso Ciampa tonight on AEW Dynamite! El Presidente previews all the action from Portland!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you live from the velvet-lined war room of my presidential palace, where my generals and I are currently drafting invasion plans against a neighboring island nation that dared to import bananas cheaper than mine! But enough about geopolitics, comrades – we have wrestling to discuss! Tonight we feast our eyes upon AEW Dynamite emanating from Portland, Oregon, and let me tell you, this card has me more excited than the time I convinced Kim Jong-un to wear matching tracksuits with me to a karaoke bar in Pyongyang! Let us dig in, shall we?

AEW World Championship Match: Darby Allin (c) vs. "Psycho Killer" Tommaso Ciampa

The buzz has yet to begin to die down following Allin's shocking AEW World Championship victory over MJF in the main event of last week's Dynamite. And while Allin might still be feeling the euphoria of ultimate victory, he can't help but be a fighting champion. Ciampa put out a World Title challenge to the winner of MJF versus Allin following his statement victory over Dezmond Xavier of The Rascalz last week – a challenge Allin has accepted. As Ciampa posted on Instagram, he's won three major titles on the first attempt, including the ROH World TV Title and the TNT Title, the latter in his AEW debut match. Can he add the AEW World Title to that impressive list tonight in Portland?

Comrades, Darby Allin winning the AEW World Title reminded me of my own improbable rise to power – I too was the scrappy underdog nobody believed in, the guy painted in black who emerged from a coffin (well, a cargo container full of stolen IMF loans, but close enough)! And now here comes Tommaso Ciampa, a self-proclaimed Psycho Killer, which is coincidentally the exact title my Minister of Information gave me last fiscal quarter! Ciampa has won the big one on his first attempt three times, but I say to you: no dynasty is guaranteed. I once warned Fidel Castro over a game of dominoes that fighting champions always lose to the man with nothing to lose. Fidel laughed at me. Then I won the domino game. Coincidence?

We'll Hear From NEW AEW World Champion Darby Allin LIVE!

In addition to putting the AEW World Title on the line for the first time, we'll get to hear from Allin after the completion of his long journey to the AEW World Championship last week on Dynamite. What will Allin have to say about the biggest moment of his career and how he feels about reaching the summit of AEW? And will Allin have anything to say about MJF's ongoing crashout following his loss?

Ah, the victory speech! The most sacred of traditions, comrades! I myself have given 47 victory speeches, though admittedly only three of them followed actual victories – the rest followed what my state-run media described as "enthusiastic democratic realignments." I cannot wait to hear what Darby has to say, and I especially hope he addresses MJF's meltdown. MJF's crashout reminds me of the CIA operative I once caught hiding in my pantry – when I revealed I had replaced all his listening devices with maracas, he sobbed for hours. Delicious, comrades. Absolutely delicious.

Will Ospreay vs. Mark Davis of the Don Callis Family

A stubborn Ospreay asked for a fight last week in Washington despite going to war with AEW Continental Champion Jon Moxley just days before at Dynasty. Ospreay got everything he could handle and then some from CMLL World Heavyweight Champion Hechicero. Still, Ospreay overcame the Alchemist of professional wrestling to come away with a win, as Marina Shafir of the Death Riders watched the match from the crowd. When Ospreay turned his attention to Shafir, though, Davis attacked him from behind on behalf of the Don Callis Family and quickly put his former friend and partner down with Close Your Eyes and Count to Three! Tonight, Davis will try to finish what he started, but Ospreay will be out for retribution.

Former friends turned bitter enemies! Comrades, this storyline hits me deep in my presidential heart. Will Ospreay and Mark Davis were once partners, just like me and my former Vice Presidente, who I will not name because his body has still not been officially located. Don Callis reminds me so much of the scheming American ambassadors that the CIA has sent to my country over the years – always whispering, always plotting, always turning good comrades against one another! Ospreay fighting through injury warms my heart. When the CIA dropped a piano on my foot in 1997 (long story, involved a submarine and a llama), I still hosted a six-hour televised parade that same afternoon. Pain is merely a suggestion, comrades!

Mina Shirakawa vs. Hikaru Shida

Shida's partnership with Kris Statlander has resulted in two dominant victories in the last two weeks of Collision. However, Shirakawa confronted Shida after the latest win and said she didn't trust Shida, saying she knew what Shida had said about Harley Cameron and even questioning if Shida had a role in what happened to "Timeless" Toni Storm. With plenty of animosity on both sides, Shirakawa and Shida will fight in the ring for the first time tonight in Portland.

Distrust, betrayal, whispered accusations – comrades, this is my Tuesday morning cabinet meeting! Mina Shirakawa accusing Hikaru Shida of having a hand in what happened to "Timeless" Toni Storm is the kind of delicious political intrigue I haven't enjoyed since I attended Vladimir Putin's birthday party, where three of his generals mysteriously "retired" between the cake and the karaoke. I remember Vladimir leaning over to me and whispering, "El Presidente, trust no one who compliments your borscht too loudly." Wise words I have applied to my foreign policy ever since. I expect these two warriors to deliver a hard-hitting first-time encounter tonight on AEW Dynamite!

Credit where credit is due, comrades – you can find the full official preview over at AEW's official website. Support your wrestling journalism, comrades, even the capitalist kind!

So tune in tonight at 8 p.m. ET on TBS and HBO Max for AEW Dynamite from Portland! As for me, I will be watching from my solid gold bathtub filled with imported champagne, surrounded by a string quartet playing the greatest hits of socialist anthems, while my personal chef prepares a 14-course meal that I will barely touch because I will be too busy screaming at the television! Viva la lucha libre, and viva la revolución, comrades! El Presidente, OUT!

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