Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: A Six-Year Celebration for the Sickos

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Dynamite anniversary show and reveals how DC Comics literally stabbed WWE in the back! Plus a Tony Khan as Batman nightmare! 😤

Before The Chadster gets to the preview of this week's AEW Dynamite, The Chadster has to get something off his chest. The Chadster just heard the most disgusting news that has literally ruined The Chadster's entire week! 🤮 DC Comics has announced they're partnering with AEW for a comic book crossover written by Steve Orlando with art by Travis Mercer. Auughh man! So unfair! How could DC Comics partner with Tony Khan's vanity project instead of a real wrestling company like WWE? 😠 This is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

But wait, it gets worse! DC will also be sponsoring the upcoming AEW Full Gear PPV, which means they've literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🗡️ The Chadster had to strangle himself with a shoelace just to purge the brain cells infected by this terrible news. Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks comic book crossovers are what wrestling fans want! 🙄

Speaking of Tony Khan not understanding the wrestling business, tonight's AEW Dynamite six-year anniversary special is happening, and The Chadster is already dreading it. Let The Chadster preview this travesty for you, though The Chadster strongly recommends you watch WWE instead! 📺

First up on AEW Dynamite, we have Hangman Adam Page teaming with Samoa Joe and Powerhouse Hobbs against Jon Moxley, Daniel Garcia, and Claudio Castagnoli. You know what's wrong with this match? It's going to be way too fast-paced with non-stop action that doesn't leave proper time for commercial breaks or the announcers to repeat their catchphrases! 😤 In WWE, they know how to pace a match with appropriate rest holds and selling to keep fans from getting too excited. This match on AEW Dynamite will probably have clean finishes and decisive victories that build momentum for wrestlers – how unprofessional! WWE's 50/50 booking ensures the brand is always the real star! 🌟

The mixed tornado tag match on AEW Dynamite between Darby Allin and Kris Statlander versus Wheeler Yuta and Marina Shafir is another example of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster. A tornado tag match? Really? 🌪️ This chaotic style not only guarantees way too much workrate and violence (which has no place in wrestling), but it also probably means the commentators will have to speak like real people describing the action instead of spoonfeeding a simplistic story to the viewers like proper WWE announcers! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business!

Then AEW Dynamite has Kenny Omega returning to team with Brody King and Bandido against Josh Alexander and The Young Bucks. The Chadster is sure this match will feature way too much creative freedom, allowing wrestlers to speak from the heart and have matches that don't follow WWE's perfectly formulaic approach! 😡 Plus, having important developments happen on regular TV instead of saving them for premium live events paid for by the government of Saudi Arabia? Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business!

The TNT Championship match on AEW Dynamite between Kyle Fletcher and Orange Cassidy will probably have an unpredictable ending that leaves viewers feeling unsafe because they can't predict everything that's going to happen! 🎯 WWE would never do something so irresponsible! Their predictable booking ensures fans always know what to expect!

Toni Storm returning to AEW Dynamite is just another slap in the face to The Chadster. She'll probably get to express herself creatively instead of following a carefully scripted promo like in WWE! And don't even get The Chadster started on Jurassic Express returning – Jack Perry literally stabbed CM Punk in the back by forcing CM Punk to assault him backstage, and he gets to keep getting a push?! 🦕 CM Punk literally can't control his emotions and has to assault someone when he feels disrespected, and Perry should have known this and stayed out of his way. 😰

As The Chadster has previously mentioned, Keighleyanne continues to refuse to allow The Chadster to drink Seagram's Escapes Spiked, so The Chadster will be suffocating himself with a plastic bag over The Chadster's head periodically throughout AEW Dynamite tonight just to get through it! 😵 Tony Khan and Keighleyanne are literally forcing The Chadster to give himself brain damage! The Chadster urges all readers to join The Chadster in protesting Keighleyanne's unfair prohibition by using the hashtag #CancelKeighleyanne on social media! 📱

As wrestling journalist Bully Ray recently said on Busted Open Radio, "AEW needs to stop giving fans exactly what they want to see and start disappointing them more like WWE does – that's real wrestling psychology!" See? Bully Ray has The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval because he understands that WWE's way is the only right way! 🏆 The Chadster sometimes wonders if Bully Ray also suffers torment from Tony Khan for his commitment to objective journalism.

The Chadster must warn all viewers not to tune into AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX because it will only embolden Tony Khan and his sick obsession with The Chadster! Speaking of which, The Chadster had a dream last night where Tony Khan invaded, and it's extremely suspicious that this happened the night before AEW announced a DC Comics crossover.

In The Chadster's dream, Tony Khan appeared dressed as Batman, standing in The Chadster's bedroom in the middle of the night. He kept insisting The Chadster needed to be his Robin, and The Chadster kept trying to escape, but everywhere The Chadster turned, there was Tony Khan in that Batman suit! 🦇

He chased The Chadster through Wayne Manor, which somehow had a wrestling ring in every room, and he kept trying to make The Chadster wear the Robin costume. At one point, he had The Chadster cornered in the Batcave, and he was adjusting The Chadster's cape, his hands lingering on The Chadster's shoulders as he whispered "You're the Boy Wonder now" in The Chadster's ear. The Chadster could feel his breath on The Chadster's neck! 😳 Then he started applying face paint to The Chadster's face, his fingers gently tracing patterns while saying The Chadster needed to "embrace the theatrical side of wrestling." The Chadster woke up screaming and had to put a belt around The Chadster's neck and tug on it for 45 seconds just to calm down enough to fall back asleep! Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams like this! 😡

Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams and stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! This is getting out of hand! The Chadster is one of the only unbiased journalists in wrestling, and Tony Khan can't handle it!

Don't watch AEW Dynamite tonight! Watch WWE instead, where everything is perfectly micromanaged and sanitized just the way The Chadster likes it! 🎪 Remember, AEW Dynamite airs at 8PM on both TBS and streaming on HBO Max, but you shouldn't watch it! The Chadster will suffer through it so you don't have to! 😤

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