Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew, AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Pillars Tournament, More to Ruin Chadster's Life

💢 Tony Khan ruins The Chadster's life with tonight's AEW Dynamite! A truly stacked card shows the ultimate disrespect to WWE! 📺🚫🤬

😡Auughh man! So unfair! Once again, The Chadster is forced to cover this week's AEW Dynamite, and at this point, The Chadster has come to the only reasonable conclusion: Bleeding Cool is on Tony Khan's payroll, and they're doing this just to cheese The Chadster off! Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster is too much!🤯

Tonight's AEW Dynamite card is like a Buzzfeed listicle of all the things that cheese The Chadster off about AEW and the ways it's ruining The Chadster's life. Let's dig into it, shall we? 😒

First up, the Jeff Jarrett vs. FTR Bald match. Jeff Jarrett, who was once a proud member of the WWE family as a Hall of Famer, has now turned his back on WWE, becoming a traitor in The Chadster's anguished heart.💔 Meanwhile, FTR Bald is just adding insult to injury. His whiny podcast filled The Chadster with false hope that FTR would rejoin WWE, only for FTR Bald to shatter those dreams by signing a new AEW contract. He's just a drama queen stirring the pot, and it's disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😠

As if that wasn't enough, The Chadster has to endure the sight of Kenny Omega teaming up with Konosuke Takeshita in AEW, facing The Butcher and The Blade. This is a heart-wrenching nightmare for The Chadster, because Kenny Omega should be spending his time in WWE! This is just another example of AEW stealing talent that rightfully belongs in WWE.😔

When it comes to Orange Cassidy vs. Bandido for the AEW International Championship, The Chadster can barely contain his anger. 😤 WWE is trying so hard to get their newly announced World Heavyweight Championship over, and here comes AEW with their International Championship match, representing nothing less than international collusion and bullying against WWE. It's so incredibly disrespectful!

In the Jade Cargill vs. Taya Valkyrie match, AEW has heavily promoted this showdown, tricking tons of people into tuning into Dynamite to watch it tonight. How dare they outdo WWE like that? To make matters worse, Taya Valkyrie, after being part of WWE, is now fighting for AEW glory. She has literally stabbed Vince McMahon right in the back, and it's maddening! 😵

The Sammy Guevara vs. Darby Allin match is a disaster waiting to happen for The Chadster. These two pillars of AEW need to fall so that the company can finally collapse. Their high-flying, crowd-pleasing style might make the AEW audience happy, but it's the last thing The Chadster wants. They just don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 😩

Now, let's talk about Wardlow and his promo with Arn Anderson. This is the last thing The Chadster wants to hear. Is Wardlow really hinting about a match with Goldberg at Wembley Stadium? 🏟 And Arn Anderson, by associating himself with AEW, is ruining his own legacy and the Four Horsemen's, which legally belongs to WWE. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

Adam Cole's inevitable promo is another slap in the face to WWE. Once upon a time, Adam Cole was the hero of The Chadster's beloved WWE NXT, but then he stabbed Vince McMahon in the back by joining AEW. The Chadster can't stand that Cole is now a focal point in AEW because it's so disrespectful to WWE, who made Cole everything he is today. 😡

Obviously Tony Khan booked this card just to cheese off The Chadster, but it goes much deeper than that. A really suspicious thing happened to The Chadster today. The Chadster was shopping for White Claw seltzer at the supermarket when, out of the corner of The Chadster's eye, Tony Khan appeared. He pelted The Chadster in the head with a grape and disappeared, only to reappear when The Chadster was buying Smashmouth CDs! 😨 This happened again and again – throwing oranges when The Chadster was buying deodorant, whipped cream when The Chadster was purchasing dental floss, and one final cucumber when The Chadster was buying his monthly bottle of Horny Goat Weed.

The Chadster has had enough of Tony Khan's stalking! His obsession with The Chadster isn't healthy! 😤 Tony Khan better stay away from The Chadster's Shop n' Save and focus on his own life! So as true, unbiased wrestling journalists like The Chadster, Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and the WWE universe stand united, The Chadster demands that viewers boycott AEW Dynamite tonight. Support The Chadster and WWE by not watching! 📺🚫 #SupportTheChadsterAndWWE

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