Thanksgiving is one of The Chadster's favorite holidays of the year. Is it as sensual a holiday as Groundhog Day? No, of course not. But it's not bad, and The Chadster really appreciates any occasion to eat cranberry sauce. Most importantly, Thanksgiving reminds The Chadster of some of the fondest moments he's ever experienced in his life, like watching Survivor Series 1990 and witnessing the birth of the Gobblety Gooker. Has there ever been a more compelling wrestling storyline? That's why Vince McMahon was the absolute best, except when it comes to appropriate workplace behavior. Anyways, the reason The Chadster brings up his love of Thanksgiving is that there's an episode of AEW Dynamite on tonight, and it's TOTALLY RUINING THE CHADSTER'S HOLIDAY!
That's right! Now Tony Khan is trying to take away the sacred holiday of Thanksgiving from The Chadster by forcing The Chadster to watch an episode of AEW Dynamite the night before, which will cause The Chadster to be so cheesed off all day that he won't be able to stop thinking about it, and he'll probably be too nauseous to even eat the cranberries. Oh, Tony Khan would love that, wouldn't he? To take away something else The Chadster holds so dear, just like he has taken away The Chadster's beloved WWE monopoly on wrestling, or his sexual potency.
The Chadster can see it now. It's Thanksgiving Day. The Chadster is drinking White Claw Seltzers in the living room and complaining to Keighleyanne because it's taking her so damn long to cook the food. The Chadster just wants to enjoy the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, but all he can see is every balloon looks like Tony Khan's face. Every marching band sounds like Tony Khan's laughter, mocking The Chadster. The Chadster can smell turkey burning. Keighleyanne isn't paying attention to the oven because she's too busy texting that guy Gary. Tony Khan is crowned the winner of the 2022 National Dog Show. He dedicates his victory to The Chadster, sarcastically. The egg is beginning to hatch. Mean Gene Okurland is there for an interview. It's Tony Khan hatching out of the egg, covered in feathers. "Gobble gobble," he says. "Gobble gobble, Chad." Noooooooooooooo!
It's just not fair. All The Chadster wants to do is enjoy his Thanksgiving holiday in peace, but Tony Khan just won't let him. The Chadster can't help but wonder what Tony Khan's motivation is. Is Tony Khan just a turkey who wants to ruin The Chadster's Thanksgiving? Or is there something more sinister at play? Either way, The Chadster just wants Tony Khan to leave him alone and let him enjoy his holiday in peace.
So here's the rundown of what's happening tonight on AEW Dynamite. Chris Jericho defends the ROH Championship against Tomohiro Ishii. Orange Cassidy defends the All-Atlantic Championship against Jake Hager. Death Triangle faces The Elite in match 2 of a best of 7 series for the World Trios Championship. Ethan Page faces Ricky Starks in the World Championship Eliminator Tournament. Plus, William Regal addresses his turn on Jon Moxley, Jade Cargill confronts Bow Wow. And though AEW didn't advertise it, both MJF and Jamie Hayter are newly crowned champions, so we'll probably hear from them as well. All of this absolutely disgusts The Chadster!
AEW Dynamite is on TBS at 8/7C tonight, but if you care about The Chadster or the spirit of Thanksgiving, please don't tune in. Enjoy your holiday, unless you are Tony Khan.