Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Review: The Worst Thing to Happen in Wrestling This Week

The Chadster suffered through the worst AEW Dynamite ever! Tony Khan's obsessive booking ruined wrestling with exciting matches and unpredictable storylines! 😤

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤💢 The Chadster just suffered through what can only be described as the absolute worst episode of AEW Dynamite in the history of professional wrestling, and The Chadster is literally shaking with rage! 🤬😡 Tony Khan has once again proven that he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business by putting together this chaotic mess that completely disrespects everything WWE has ever done for the industry! 🙄💯

The show opened with Hangman Adam Page brutally attacking Wheeler Yuta in a match that was way too violent and exciting for television! 😰🩸 The Chadster was absolutely disgusted by how Page used that chain to beat up poor Yuta – it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠⛓️ WWE would never allow such uncontrolled brutality that gets fans emotionally invested! 🚫💪 Page won with his stupid Buckshot Lariat, and then continued the assault afterward, which was completely unprofessional. 😤👎 In WWE, superstars know how to have boring, formulaic matches that don't get fans too excited! 😴✨

Then AEW Dynamite had the audacity to show FTR defeating JetSpeed in some eliminator tournament match that was filled with high-impact moves and athletic displays! 🙄🤸‍♂️ The Chadster was appalled by how these wrestlers were actually trying their hardest and performing exciting maneuvers instead of resting in headlocks for proper commercial break timing like WWE superstars do! 😡🔒 FTR won by cheating with Stokely Hathaway's help, which only happened because Adam Copeland had The Hurt Syndicate attack them afterward! 🤝💥 It's just so unpredictable and unsafe – how is The Chadster supposed to know what's going to happen next?! 😫🔮

Speaking of The Hurt Syndicate, The Chadster was literally stabbed right in the back when Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin turned on MJF! 💔🔪 These former WWE superstars have literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by being in storylines that actually develop and change over time instead of staying exactly the same for months! 😤🗡️ In WWE, faction dynamics remain beautifully stagnant, which is proper storytelling! 📺💯

The Chadster also wants to mention how disgusted he was by Toni Storm defeating Billie Starkz in their eliminator match. 🤢👩‍🦱 Storm made Starkz submit to some technical hold, showing off actual wrestling skills instead of relying on overproduced sports entertainment! 😠🤼‍♀️ Then Athena tried to cash in her contract but got stopped by Alex Windsor in a chaotic brawl that was way too exciting for television! 😡💼

But wait, it gets worse! 😱📺 AEW Dynamite then subjected The Chadster to Swerve Strickland facing Hechicero in a match that was full of technical wrestling and athletic competition! 🤢🤼‍♂️ The Chadster was absolutely sickened by how both men were actually trying to outwrestle each other with legitimate grappling techniques instead of doing boring rest holds! 😷⚔️ Swerve won by disqualification when Lance Archer interfered, leading to more unpredictable chaos with Kazuchika Okada and multiple wrestlers getting involved! 🚫💥 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤🎪 In WWE, matches have clean finishes that don't create ongoing storylines or excitement! 🧹✨

Then Tony Khan had the nerve to put Ricochet and the Gates of Agony on television to cut a promo where they showed actual personality and charisma! 😤🎭 The Chadster was appalled by how Ricochet spoke confidently about their goals and demanded respect in an entertaining way! 😠💰 In WWE, superstars stick to corporate-approved scripts that don't threaten to overshadow the brand! 📜🏢

And don't even get The Chadster started on Will Ospreay's return promo where he spoke from the heart about his injuries and showed genuine emotion! 😡💔 In WWE, superstars stick to scripted catchphrases like real professionals! 📝🤖 The Chadster can't belief Ospreay is going to take time off to recover. 🙄🏥 The Chadster has back issues from sitting on the couch and watching WWE all day, but you don't see The Chadster taking time off from writing. 🛋️💻

But the absolute worst part came when MJF cut a promo before the main event that was compelling and controversial! 😱🎤 The Chadster was horrified by how MJF was allowed to speak passionately and create genuine heat with the audience by crossing lines and making people emotionally invested! 😨🔥 Then Mark Briscoe came out and they had an authentic confrontation that felt real and personal! 😤👊 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🙄💯

The main event between Mark Briscoe and Claudio Castagnoli was another disaster of athletic competition where both men actually seemed to care about winning! 🤮🏆 Briscoe won with a small package, which is the kind of decisive finish that makes fans think results actually matter! 😠📦 Then Jon Moxley came out and Hangman Page challenged him to a rematch for next week's AEW Dynamite, creating anticipation for future programming! 🤬📅 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡💯

The worst part about this episode of AEW Dynamite was how the commentary team actually called the action like real announcers instead of shouting corporate buzzwords every five seconds! 😡📺 Excalibur, Taz, and Tony Schiavone were putting over the wrestlers and storylines instead of constantly reminding viewers about the brand! 😤🎙️ It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🙄💢

But nothing could have prepared The Chadster for the nightmare The Chadster had about Tony Khan last night! 😱😰 The Chadster was trapped in the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago, running through endless corridors while Tony Khan chased The Chadster with that stupid Casino Gauntlet briefcase! 🏃‍♂️💼 The walls were covered with bloody chains like the one Hangman used, and every time The Chadster thought he'd escaped, Tony Khan would appear around another corner, his eyes gleaming as he whispered, "The Chadster belongs to me now!" 👁️🫦 The Chadster could hear the sound of his Miata keys jingling just out of reach while Tony Khan's breath got closer and closer to The Chadster's neck, and The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat! 🔑😰 Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and invading The Chadster's dreams! 😤💭

The Chadster is going to have to drink an entire case of Seagram's Escapes Spiked today – oh wait, Keighleyanne still has them locked away because of Tony Khan's booking decisions! 😢🔐 Instead, The Chadster will have to watch WWE reruns all day to cleanse The Chadster's palate of this travesty. 📺✨

Remember, fellow unbiased wrestling fans, we must always stand up for WWE! 💪🤼‍♂️ This episode of AEW Dynamite proves once again that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business and is personally targeting The Chadster with his obsessive booking decisions! 😤🎯 Auughh man! So unfair! 😤💢

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