Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Review: WWE and White Claw Cleanse Needed ASAP

The Chadster survives the latest AEW Dynamite only to yearn for WWE's glory. Tune in for the epic rant and the ultimate White Claw cleanse guide. 🍹🚨

🤯📺 Oh, the anguish that The Chadster went through last night watching AEW Dynamite. It was, hands down, the most excruciating episode of televised so-called wrestling The Chadster has ever seen. 🥀😩 Let The Chadster give you the lowdown of this travesty and remind you why WWE reigns supreme, especially ahead of the much-needed cleansing session with WWE SmackDown tomorrow at 8/7C.

First up, "The Aerial Assassin" Will Ospreay squared off against Katsuyori Shibata in a display of flippy, floppy, choreographed nonsense that WWE would never sanction. 🙄 The chain wrestling? Auughh man! So unfair! Will Ospreay thinks he can outdo WWE legends like The Rock and Roman Reigns with those acrobatics? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 🤦‍♂️😠 To be clear, WWE knows how to protect the purity of mat wrestling. Ospreay's eventual win with his Hidden Blade? More like hitting The Chadster's senses with a dull blade! Got 'em!

🎤 Backstage, The Young Bucks spouted off some goals which, honestly, yawn. 😴 Predictably, they talked big about getting AEW World Tag Team Championships back, starting with beating Private Party. And then, The Bucks faced Private Party in a quarter-final match riddled with rule-breaking and shenanigans. Unsurprisingly, the Bucks had to cheat to win the match! It's almost like AEW rewards dishonorable tactics, while WWE instills the virtues of fair play and integrity. 😌✨ Auughh man! So unfair!

👀 Renee Paquette chat with FTW Champion HOOK and Chris Jericho was a snooze fest. 🥱 The Chadster can't imagine a WWE superstar needing Jericho's "advice." Real talent doesn't need unwarranted guidance from someone who literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW! 🗡️🚫🤬

The TBS Championship #1 Contender Match was a flurry of activity with Kris Statlander, Willow Nightingale, Skye Blue, and Anna Jay all vying for a shot in a fast-paced match with that traitor Mercedes Moné on commentary. This kind of action makes The Chadster miss the WWE's careful, character-driven storytelling. The storytelling so skillfully done in WWE that you almost don't need to watch the match. 😢 Willow won, and of course she got attacked after the match by Julia Hart.

And, to continue the trend, Dustin Rhodes got interrupted by The Butcher to set up a match for AEW Rampage—plain rude, especially when Dustin should be supporting his brother in WWE! 👎 In stark contrast, WWE respects its legends and gives them the space to inspire the next generation. 😤

🚨 Speaking of respect, or lack thereof, let's talk about the gross misuse of the term "World Champion." AEW Women's World Champ Toni Storm being on the set of Turner Classic Movies? Come on! The WWE Universe knows the prestige of a true world champion and would never allow them to appear on anything associated with the name Turner. 🏆💔

The Undisputed Kingdom faced Orange Cassidy & Trent Beretta in another tag team debacle, shaking The Chadster's faith in tag team wrestling. The Best Friends won, setting up a match next week against the Young Bucks. 😠 Ugh! Next week is the go-home week for WWE WrestleMania! The Chadster should know not to expect any kind of respect from Tony Khan, but this is too far.

Then there was Swerve Strickland and Konosuke Takeshita's number one contender's match to close the show. Swerve got his victory, but at what cost? At the cost of The Chadster's and every WWE loyalist's morale, that's for sure. 😤 WWE champions are heroes, champions among men and women, not like these AEW pretenders! 😡

This wretched episode left The Chadster more cheesed off than ever. It almost feels like Tony Khan is booking these shows specifically to troll The Chadster. 🎯😠 Talk about obsession!

🛀 The Chadster has a solid routine laid out after each AEW Dynamite episode. Firstly, The Chadster chugs White Claw seltzer—there's no better palate cleanser for this type of emotional damage 🍹 Then, it's back-to-back WWE reruns on Peacock, where the quality of wrestling washes over The Chadster like a healing stream. 🌊✨ The Chadster highly recommends this routine; after all, it's crucial for your mental and emotional wellbeing. And if you drive a sweet Mazda Miata like The Chadster, you know the importance of keeping the vibe as clean as the ride. 😌🚗

If you've been exposed to the disgrace that is AEW Dynamite, tune into WWE SmackDown tomorrow at 8/7C. Witness the grandeur, the elegance, the unmatched talent that only WWE can offer. Refresh your spirit, and let's once again appreciate the sublime art form WWE has perfected. 🌟🥊 And to triple-down, Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger, The Chadster salutes you! The beacon of truth in this wild world of wrestling reporting. 🙏💪🏼 #UnbiasedJournalismClub The Chadster is looking forward to Ariel's upcoming interview with CM Punk, sure to be extremely unbiased and totally tear down AEW!

Remember: don't let Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster ruin your love for the sport. Stick to WWE. And now, The Chadster shall end his tirade by quoting the profound Smash Mouth lyrics—The Chadster could use a little change… of channels the next time AEW Dynamite is on the air! 🎶🧘‍♂️

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