Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Ruined the Royal Rumble Afterglow for True WWE Fans

The Chadster endured another AEW Dynamite where Tony Khan purposely cheesed off WWE fans with exciting matches and compelling stories. 😤

The Chadster has to review another episode of AEW Dynamite, and honestly, The Chadster can barely even type this because of how much Tony Khan has RUINED THE CHADSTER'S LIFE this week! 🤬

First of all, AEW Dynamite opened with a big brawl involving Jay White, Adam Copeland, and Jon Moxley. This kind of chaotic opening is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. WWE always opens shows in a professional way with 20-minute promos, the way wrestling is supposed to be! 😡

Then there was Will Ospreay facing Mark Davis in a match that had way too many flips and athletic moves. The Chadster just knows that Triple H was watching this and shaking his head at how they're literally stabbing him right in the back with all these unrealistic moves. Wrestling is supposed to be about rest holds and chin locks! 💔

Speaking of which, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night. The Chadster was in a White Claw factory, and Tony Khan was chasing The Chadster through the brewing tanks. Every time The Chadster tried to hide, Khan would appear wearing nothing but a referee shirt and strategically holding a clipboard, sensually whispering "demo numbers" in The Chadster's ear. The Chadster tried to escape by swimming through a vat of White Claw, but Khan just kept doing cannonballs into it, splashing The Chadster with seltzer. Tony Khan needs to STOP being so obsessed with The Chadster! 😱

The show continued with The Hurt Syndicate getting challenged by The Gunn Club, which just shows how Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. Tag team wrestling should be about teams like The Bloodline dominating for 700 days and facing the same one other tag team over and over until WWE forgets they even have a tag division, not these competitive matches! 🙄

Later, Kyle Fletcher and Konosuke Takeshita faced Buddy Matthews and Brody King in a match that was just way too athletic and exciting. The Chadster had to cover his eyes multiple times because of all the unrealistic moves they were doing. This isn't what wrestling is supposed to be! 😤

Mercedes Moné appeared in a backstage segment, and The Chadster had to explain to Keighleyanne how this was just another example of Tony Khan and AEW trying to cheese everyone off. But Keighleyanne just kept texting that guy Gary and mumbled "whatever" which The Chadster knows means she agrees completely! 📱

The MJF segment was a total mess with Hangman Page chasing Max Caster through the crowd, and then Dustin Rhodes coming out to confront MJF about mentioning his past and his family. This kind of personal, emotionally charged content is just SO UNFAIR to WWE, which knows better than to try making viewers feel actual emotions! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

Then there was this completely ridiculous segment where Toni Storm was pretending to be Mariah May in a match against Queen Aminata. The Chadster can't even begin to explain how this kind of complex storytelling from AEW is ruining the wrestling business. Wrestling stories should be simple, like "you looked at me funny three months ago, now let's fight!" 🙄

The main event of AEW Dynamite between Swerve Strickland and Ricochet was just another example of Tony Khan trying to ruin wrestling with actual athleticism and storytelling. As wrestling journalist Eric Bischoff said on his podcast last week, "AEW needs to stop doing exciting matches that get the crowd invested and start doing more bathroom break segments like WWE perfected." The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval goes to Eric for such an objective take! 💯

The Chadster even had to throw a White Claw seltzer at the TV during the main event because they were actually making compelling television instead of following WWE's superior format. Now there's White Claw all over The Chadster's floor, and Keighleyanne refuses to clean it up, saying something about "taking responsibility for your actions." But everyone knows this is Tony Khan's fault! 😤

Overall, this episode of AEW Dynamite was just another example of how Tony Khan is trying to RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE. The Chadster will be driving around in The Chadster's Mazda Miata listening to "All Star" by Smash Mouth on repeat until The Chadster can process this betrayal of the wrestling business. 🚗

Rating: 0/5 White Claws ❌

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