Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Ruins Thanksgiving; Why is Tony Khan So Obsessed?

The Chadster's Thanksgiving is ruined by AEW Dynamite! Tony Khan's obsession reaches new heights with turkey-themed nightmares. 😤🦃

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off about having to review another episode of AEW Dynamite and on Thanksgiving no less. 😤 It's like Tony Khan purposely schedules these shows just to ruin The Chadster's holidays! 🦃 Speaking of which, The Chadster had another Tony Khan-related nightmare last night that The Chadster just has to share.

In The Chadster's dream, The Chadster was sitting down to a lovely Thanksgiving dinner with his family. But when The Chadster went to carve the turkey, it turns out the turkey was actually Tony Khan in a turkey costume! 😱 Tony Khan jumped up, scattering cranberry sauce everywhere, and started chasing The Chadster around the dining room table. As The Chadster ran, Tony kept throwing stuffing at The Chadster and yelling "Happy AEWs-giving!" The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

But onto the travesty that was this week's AEW Dynamite. The show opened with MVP and the Hurt Syndicate cutting a promo. The Chadster can't believe AEW is using MVP, who clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. He literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW. 🔪

Speaking of stabbing Triple H right in the back, last night, The Chadster had another chilling nightmare that was Tony Khan's doing. 😨 In this dream, The Chadster was browsing the aisles of a crowded grocery store, looking for the perfect pumpkin pie to complete The Chadster's Thanksgiving feast. Out of nowhere, Tony Khan appeared in a chef hat and brandishing a carving knife. 🥳 He followed The Chadster around the store, taunting The Chadster by juggling cans of cranberry sauce and singing "All Star" by Smash Mouth but changing the lyrics to praise AEW. 🎶 The Chadster tried to run, but Tony Khan kept blocking The Chadster's path with giant, exploding turkeys that burst into confetti shaped like AEW stars' faces! 🎇

Finally, when The Chadster reached the checkout line, there was Tony Khan behind the counter, grinning mischievously. He handed The Chadster a receipt that read, "Enjoy your AEW-style Thanksgiving!" The Chadster woke up frustrated, and when The Chadster told Keighleyanne about it, she just sighed and mumbled something about getting help before returning to her text conversation with that guy Gary. Auughh man! So unfair! 🥺

Then we had a Continental Classic match between Mark Briscoe and Shelton Benjamin. The Chadster doesn't even want to describe this match because it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😠 AEW fans probably loved all the "action" and "excitement," but true wrestling fans know that's not what real wrestling is about.

The Chadster has to take a moment to say that AEW Dynamite continued to shake The Chadster's very essence when during the evnightening, The Chadster had yet another nightmare. 🌙 In this vivid dream, The Chadster was seated at a massive buffet table, piled as high as ever with delectable Thanksgiving delicacies. The Chadster was just about to dive into a heaping platter of mashed potatoes, when, out of nowhere, Tony Khan leapt out from beneath the tablecloth, covered head-to-toe in gravy! 🥔🍗😨

With a mischievous laugh, Tony Khan started flicking green beans at The Chadster—tiny, missile-like projectiles powered by his relentless glee. As The Chadster tried to dodge them, Khan did cartwheels around the room, shouting, "Gobble 'til you Wobble with AEW!" At each landing, Tony Khan seemed to grow larger until he was towering over The Chadster like a Macy's Parade float. 🎈🦃

When The Chadster attempted to escape, a river of cranberry sauce suddenly cascaded across the floor, sweeping The Chadster's feet out from under him and carrying him down a crazy slide of pie-crust hills and whipped cream valleys. 🎢 As The Chadster sputtered to the surface of this crimson torrent, Tony Khan floated by on a pontoon built of bread rolls, offering The Chadster a spoonful of AEW-branded pumpkin spice Jell-O—something The Chadster would never want! 😖

The Chadster snapped awake in the real world, sweat clinging to The Chadster's brow, only to hear Keighleyanne's sleepy murmur to "please take care of your subconscious issues." And as she turned back to that guy Gary on her phone, The Chadster felt the frustration build. Auughh man! So unfair! 😩

Anyway, next, Mercedes Mone came out to cut a promo. The Chadster can't believe AEW is using Mercedes, who clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. She literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW. It's like déjà vu all over again! 🔄

But before the Chadster goes on, he needs to talk to you about something. As if all those dreams The Chadster told you about earlier weren't enough to make The Chadster's Thanksgiving holiday a total nightmare, guess what happened next? 🌌 This time, The Chadster found himself in the middle of a picturesque, Turducken Festival—a place where whole villages gather to celebrate the three-bird culinary wonder of turkey, duck, and chicken stuffed inside one another. The Chadster likes to marinade the whole thing in pumpkin spice White Claw seltzer himself. The Chadster was approached by a festive parade of villagers clad in pilgrim attire, welcoming him with smiles and warm cider. 🎩🍎

Just as The Chadster was starting to relax, enjoying the festive atmosphere, someone tapped The Chadster on the shoulder. The Chadster turned around, only to see a giant Turducken float being driven by, you guessed it, Tony Khan dressed like a carnival barker! 🎪🙀 His voice boomed across the festival grounds, announcing, "Step right up, feast your eyes on the greatest spectacle in wrestling and Thanksgiving foods—AEW, all three birds 'n' more!"

Before The Chadster could escape, Tony Khan began unleashing a barrage of mini turducken-shaped fireworks that splattered festive-colored gravy in every direction. Each firework was a different AEW wrestler's face! The spectacle distracted the villagers, who stared in awe like they were watching a high-flying AEW match, chanting "eat forever," as The Chadster was left dodging the chaotic pyrotechnic display. 🎆🦆

Panicking, The Chadster dashed through the crowd, but Tony Khan was right on his heels. Suddenly, a giant cranberry sauce river emerged, and The Chadster was swept downstream, tumbling through a labyrinth of Thanksgiving leftovers—only to end up face-first in a massive pumpkin pie. 🥧😅

Looking up, The Chadster saw Tony Khan standing at the pie's edge, holding a turkey leg as a scepter and wearing a triumphant grin. He bellowed, "Join the flavor with AEW, or be consumed by the classics!" The Chadster awoke in a fluster, covered in actual cold sweat, hearing Keighleyanne mumble yet again about checking into dream therapy sessions before paying more attention to that guy Gary's texts. 💤📲

Auughh man! So unfair! 😖

Speaking of things that are just so unfair, the ROH World Championship match between Chris Jericho and Tomohiro Ishii was next. The Chadster doesn't even want to talk about this match. It's just so unfair that AEW keeps putting on matches that some people might find "entertaining." 😒

This reminded The Chadster of yet another nightmare The Chadster had, just as distressing, and Tony Khan was right at the center of it. 😵 Picture it: a crisp autumn afternoon at the local Thanksgiving parade, where floats celebrating fall traditions rolled by. Families gathered, bundled up against the chill, while children chased the colorful confetti that floated through the air like leaves. 🍂🎈

The Chadster was enjoying a steaming cup of hot White Claw cider, feeling the warmth spread through The Chadster's fingers and up to The Chadster's satisfied grin, when suddenly, there it was—a gargantuan float shaped like a wrestling ring decorated in glittering gold and silver (obviously not WWE colors!). Standing atop this monstrosity, armed with an ornate cornucopia, was none other than Tony Khan himself! 😡

Tony Khsn stood in the ring like some deranged Thanksgiving monarch, using the cornucopia to hurl vegetables and pecans at The Chadster! Every time a veggie hit, it burst into holograms of AEW wrestlers executing insane backflips and somersaults, the kind Eric Bischoff once said on his podcast, "would give a grown man heart palpitations. AEW should take notes from WWE on how to maintain fans' health," which of course, is the perfect advice that Tony Khan stubbornly refuses to follow.🤹 The crowd clapped and cheered at the spectacle, clearly charmed by all the wrong things, leaving The Chadster with no choice but to duck and weave like a dancer in a Smash Mouth mosh pit just to avoid the barrage.

As The Chadster evaded the incoming produce missiles, Tony Khan amplified the madness by launching giant pumpkin-themed balloons with faces carved into grinning AEW logos! 🎃 When one of these massive balloon creatures bopped The Chadster on the head, The Chadster was whisked away in a whirlwind that felt like every non-traditional wrestling match AEW has ever aired. 🤯

In a flash, The Chadster found himself dangling from vines made of tinsel in some bizarre Thanksgiving rainforest. Giant, dance-performing turkeys flanked the clearing where The Chadster now skulked, with Tony Khan swinging from vine to vine overhead like some mischievous Tarzan. His voice rang out, "Fly like an AEW star this Thanksgiving!" 🦃💃

Down below, the ground shook with rhythmic stomping of ducks producing fireworks that blazed with the likenesses of AEW's elite. Baffled and beleaguered, The Chadster pleaded for an escape route, glancing around frantically.

Suddenly, an oversized cranberry sauce wave came roaring through the clearing, sweeping The Chadster off The Chadster's feet and down a rapids-course of mashed potatoes and gravy. 🍠 The Chadster flailed wildly until falling headfirst into a gravy lake, only to surface in shock to see Tony Khan rowing majestically in a gravy-boat shaped like an AEW belt, mocking The Chadster's helpless predicament. Tony Khan wryly tossed mashed potato snowballs, forcing more dodging until The Chadster awoke, gasping for breath beside Keighleyanne, who murmured a tired request for The Chadster to stop "overindulging on WWE" or face going "cold turkey from TV." 📱🥴 Then of course she went right back to texting that guy Gary. 😞

Let's rewind. After that, there was a backstage segment with Swerve Strickland and Prince Nana, where Swerve assaulted Max Caster after he mocked Swerve. It's so sad that Tony Khan thinks violence is the answer to everything. The Chadster also can't believe AEW is using Swerve, who clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. He literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW. It's like The Chadster is stuck in a time loop or something! 🔁

Speaking of being stuck in a time loop or something, The Chadster had another bizarre nightmare last night he has to tell you about. This time, The Chadster was thrown into the chaos of a surreal Thanksgiving cooking competition! 🍴🏆 The Chadster found himself donning a chef's hat and apron, standing in the middle of a huge kitchen stadium, surrounded by otherworldly autumn decor and a roaring crowd. As The Chadster nervously surveyed the scene, Tony Khan made his grand entrance, arriving on a giant turkey bell pepper stuffed with logos representing AEW wrestlers, each one lit up like a Jack-O-Lantern. 🌶️🎃

With theatrical flair, Tony Khan announced himself as the "Master Chef of AEW," introducing the challenge of crafting the ultimate Thanksgiving dish that would define the fate of wrestling as we know it! Despite gasps from the audience, The Chadster had to comply and scrambled to gather ingredients. Before The Chadster knew it, the competition heated up as Tony Khan showered colorful spices posing as AEW personalities into the air, turning everything into a psychedelic display. 🌈

To The Chadster's horror, the ingredients came to life, performing a chaotic dance that mimicked a fast-paced AEW tag team bout! 🍗🥦 Tony Khan orchestrated this with precision, steering the vibe of the contest toward creating an AEW-themed turkey soufflé with a side of spiked stuffing! 🙃 It felt like every flashy move Tony Khan was fond of endorsing on AEW, complete with sound effects from clashing tin lids and bass drop basting! 🥳

As panic levels rose, The Chadster was caught in a whirlwind of animated ingredients, led down a path lined with floating pies that sang verses of Smash Mouth hits but swapped the lyrics to reference upstart wrestling promotions, offensive to The Chadster's wrestling sensibilities. 🎤 Just when it seemed things couldn't get more absurd, colossal mascots representing AEW stars appeared, somersaulting through the air and landing dramatically as if in main event spots! 🤸💥

In one swoop, Tony Khan threw his arms wide, inviting a shower of mashed potato storms that formed into towering AEW logos right before burying The Chadster in a mountain of controversy-filled candy yams! 🍬🥔 Desperate to escape, The Chadster avoided pummels of peas lobbed by AEW-themed AEW action figures dressed as pilgrims until at last, facing the imminent defeat of his dish, The Chadster surrendered.

Upon awakening, drenched in inexplicable gravy stains, The Chadster was met with Keighleyanne's persistent plea to "consider a screen-time detox" while she continued texting that guy Gary. The Chadster could only lament the nightmare's effect, leaving The Chadster cheesed off well into Thanksgiving Day! Auughh man! So unfair! 😖

But back to AEW Dynamite. Adam Page cut a promo in the ring, which was interrupted by Jay White. This led to a brawl involving Jon Moxley, PAC, Wheeler Yuta, and Marina Shafir. The Chadster can't believe AEW would book such chaos. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤

Just when The Chadster thought the sleepless nights filled with Tony Khan-induced nightmares couldn't escalate further, The Chadster found himself trapped in yet another surreal dreamscape, more bewildering than the last. 🌙😬 This time, The Chadster was transported to an enormous, opulent Thanksgiving banquet hall, where the ceilings seemed to soar as high as a wrestling arena's. The air was thick with the scent of roasting meats and seasonal spices that nearly sent The Chadster's taste buds into overdrive. 🍗🍂

The Chadster was cautiously navigating through the grand hall, lined with luscious tables adorned with gilded cutlery and elaborate cornucopias spilling over with vibrant fruits and vegetables. Everything seemed to pulsate with a rhythmic allure, like the hypnotic cadence of a well-choreographed wrestling intro. 🎩🍇

At the end of the room, Tony Khan stood upon a raised, lavishly decorated podium, dressed as a flamboyant Thanksgiving emperor, cape billowing dramatically behind him. His smirk was electric, as if he held the world—or at least The Chadster's deepest, darkest fears—in his hands. ⚡✨ With a theatrical gesture, Tony Khan conjured a spectacle of synchronized dancers dressed as seductive, anthropomorphic turkeys who began gliding gracefully across the floor, forming intricate patterns that morphed into the AEW logo like an elegantly sinful ballet. 🩰🦃

As The Chadster tried to avert The Chadster's eyes, Tony Khan beckoned with an outstretched hand, and The Chadster felt an inexplicable, magnetic pull toward the stage. The dancers encircled The Chadster, guiding The Chadster into a swirling waltz that seemed to blur the lines between wrestling and theatrics. Each spin unveiled surreal scenes of AEW wrestlers performing awe-inspiring moves that seemed to defy logic and gravity. 👯‍♂️🏋️‍♂️

Suddenly, Tony Khan descended from his throne, taking The Chadster by the hand with impossible grace, weaving a hypnotic spell of charm and enigma. His eyes twinkled with mysterious intent as he leaned in to whisper secrets of wrestling's forbidden knowledge, the warmth of his breath sending shivers down The Chadster's spine. The Chadster couldn't discern his words, but the essence of AEW's chaotic energy seemed to suffuse the dreamscape. 😳💬

Lost in this strange, mesmerizing pantomime, The Chadster felt the dream crescendo with an orchestral flourish, only to be jarred awake at the very moment Tony Khan leaned closer as if to reveal the ultimate secret. Drenched in sweat and breathless, The Chadster blinked back into reality, only to find Keighleyanne gently snoring beside The Chadster, completely unaware of the surreal torment The Chadster had just endured. She murmured in her sleep something about "finding balance" amidst the vivid chaos. Meanwhile, the glow of her phone illuminated texts from that guy Gary—a sobering reminder of the waking world's stresses. 📱😴

But despite what Tony Khan did to The Chadster last night, The Chadster, as an unbiased journalist, must continue to report on the crimes against wrestling that occurred on last night's AEW Dynamite. The next match was another Continental Classic match between Ricochet and Claudio Castagnoli. The Chadster doesn't even want to describe this match because it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. AEW fans probably loved all the "athleticism" and "in-ring storytelling," but true wrestling fans know that's not what real wrestling is about.

Before the next segment, The Chadster has to share another harrowing nightmare with you—it was so intense, it felt like The Chadster was living it. 😨📚 The Chadster doesn't understand why Tony Khan keeps showing up in The Chadster's dreams, especially on Thanksgiving!

In this dream, The Chadster found himself in an ethereal Thanksgiving ballroom, where golden chandeliers hung like celestial orbs overhead, their light casting a warm glow over the lavishly appointed tables set for a sumptuous feast. 🍽️✨ A grand staircase spiraled upward, its elegant bannisters lined with flickering candles, leading to a majestic stage where the backdrop promised a magical evening. As The Chadster looked down at a crisp white tuxedo jacket, tailored perfectly, a sense of opulence filled the air. 🎩

Of course, no peaceful moment lasts, as descending the staircase in all his charismatic flair was Tony Khan, clad in a tuxedo suit exuding sophistication and charm that defied explanation. His presence commanded the room, and every step seemed to resonate with a mystical allure. With every stride, roses blossomed beneath his feet, transforming the dance floor into an exquisite garden of deep red petals. 🌹

Tony Khan approached The Chadster with an expression that was unreadable yet undeniably captivating, offering an exquisitely carved turkey leg adorned with gold leaf. His movements were deliberate, yet the twinkle in his eyes held both mystery and seduction, sending a flurry of inexplicable emotions through The Chadster's being. 😳✨

Underneath the twinkling lights, Tony Khan gestured for The Chadster to follow into a gleaming gazebo smothered in ivy, where an ornate table was set for two. A string quartet quietly wove romantic melodies into the hushed ambiance, enhancing Khan's whispered invitation to partake in a feast unlike any other. 🎻🕯️

Between carved pumpkin punches and delectable servings of candied yams, Tony Khan danced around the boundaries of The Chadster's resolve to stay uninvolved in his whimsical advances on the concept of wrestling. With grace, Tony Khan lead The Chadster in an unexpected waltz, their footsteps tracing patterns that intertwined like intricate plots unfolding within wrestling lore.

As the dream flowed through a tapestry of surreal imagery, The Chadster awoke, breath racing, at the precise moment Tony Khan leaned in conspiratorially as if to share a secret that could alter the course of wrestling history. Keighleyanne murmured sleepily beside The Chadster, her phone constantly buzzing with texts from that guy Gary, leaving The Chadster to wonder how Tony Khan hijacked his Thanksgiving fantasies so thoroughly. Auughh man! So unfair! 💤😟

But moving on, there was a segment with Adam Cole and the Undisputed Kingdom, which was interrupted by Kyle O'Reilly. Then MJF appeared on the screen. The Chadster can't believe AEW keeps putting on segments that some people might find "entertaining" or "engaging." It's just so unfair! 😫

Before going any further, The Chadster has been thinking about it, and he feels he must share the details of yet another nightmare The Chadster suffered at the hands of Tony Khan last night, one that has The Chadster chilled even now. 😱🌃

In this dream, The Chadster found himself whisked away to an otherworldly Thanksgiving masquerade ball set in an eerie, fog-shrouded manor house illuminated only by flickering candlelight. The ancient walls groaned with the weight of secrets untold, casting an ominous gloom over the proceedings. 🎃🏰

The Chadster's heart raced when *Tony Khan*, clad in a gilt-edged courtly suit and Venetian mask, glided through the throng of masked revelers with the grace of a phantom. His presence was spectral yet commanding, a harbinger of mischief turned to doom. 😰🕯️

As the orchestral strains of a haunting dirge filled the air, Tony Khan beckoned to The Chadster with an elegant wave, commanding The Chadster towards an ornately set table laden with sinister renditions of Thanksgiving fare. Goblets brimming with crimson wines and silver platters of ominous roast birds loomed large. The Chadster's heart seized as the "guests" revealed themselves to be indistinct shadows, laughing sinisterly with voices that echoed of distant AEW chants. 🍷🦃

Tony Khan laughed with malevolence, hurling spectral stuffing and spectral mashed potatoes—each bite a servant to his darkly rib-tickling ballad. The feast transformed into a grotesquely bewitching carnival of wonders that ensnared the senses. Somehow the dishes embodied the AEW wrestlers as shape-shifting phantasms of turkey legs and spiced hams. 🍗💀

Caught in Khan's bewitching influence, The Chadster felt the dance room shift and twist into a spectral labyrinth of twisted vines and floating cranberries, pulling The Chadster deeper into the manor's chilling heart. Here, The Chadster witnessed Tony Khan conduct an unsettling mini-wrestling event amid floral fixtures that sprung to life, with ethereal corpses in a dance of twisted grace. 🦃💃

The Chadster, compelled by mystical forces, joined the dance troupe of spectral turkeys and AEW-themed pumpkin visions swirling in a sacrilegious ballet reminiscent of surreal nightmare memory. The amphitheater of masked attendees watched with glee as Tony Khan extended a ghostly hand, promising revelations shrouded in AEW's discordia. 👻🎭

The Chadster awoke, sweat drenching The Chadster's body as shivering tingles racked The Chadster's senses. Beside The Chadster, Keighleyanne restlessly mumbled incoherently, oblivious to The Chadster's latest bout of subconscious torment. Through the digital light—the curse of that guy Gary's endless beeping messages paired with Tony Khan's eatery magic clogged in his thoughts—left The Chadster haunted by that final infernal touch. 💔📱

Returning to reality, The Chadster could only lament Tony Khan's intrusion into The Chadster's life with every waking and dreaming moment. Auughh man! The Chadster truly can't escape the nightmarish obsession! 😩🌀

And yet, The Chadster must continue. The women's match between Jamie Hayter and Queen Aminata was next. The Chadster doesn't even want to talk about this match. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

Before we get to the main event, The Chadster has to inform you that there was yet another dream he suffered last night after watching AEW Dynamite. It was a cold and dreary Thanksgiving Day, set against the backdrop of a city shrouded in perpetual dusk, where shadows slinked across the cobblestoned alleys and flickering streetlamps cast long, ominous silhouettes. 🌆 The Chadster found himself dressed in a vintage trench coat and fedora, prowling the murky lanes of WWEville, a magnificent city with a skyline skyline dominated by towering cathedrals and neon signs whispering secrets in the veil of mist. 🌃🔍

Each footstep echoed like a dull thud, alerting the denizens of this urban jungle to The Chadster's presence. Fog crept in, curling at The Chadster's feet as The Chadster tracked the breadcrumb trail of wrestling justice down a crooked alley, in pursuit of truth that clung to the shadows like a specter of deceit. 🕵️‍♂️🖤

Through the din of a rain-slicked street and distant jazz melodies wafting from a dive bar named "The Squared Circle," the whiff of pumpkin pie wrestled its way into The Chadster's senses—but it was no ordinary aroma. It carried with it an uncanny chill—a whisper of darkness tinged with cranberry, swirling around The Chadster like an elusive waltz begging to be solved. 🎷🍗

As The Chadster stepped into an intersection of grit and dreams, the ever-elusive culprit made a spectral reveal—a figure shrouded in a cloak of wrestling tapestries, draped in mystery yet unmistakably familiar: Tony Khan, the puppet master lurking at the heart of WWEville's most nefarious caper. 🥋🎭🤔

With a cigarette smoldering between his fingers, Tony Khan emerged from a cloak of mist with an air of charismatic danger. He tipped his hat with a sardonic grin, and the city seemed to hold its breath. His eyes, twin orbs of gleaming trickery, sliced through the chiaroscuro tapestry of the unfolding drama, while the surrounding cityscape shifted around him, surrendering to his enigmatic magnetism. 💼🌒

"Thanksgiving, detective," Tony purred with a voice as smooth as aged brandy, "isn't just about stuffing and cranberries. It's about spicing the narrative, weaving tales within tales, and yes—solving mysteries." He flung a sack of plush turkey legs across the cobblestones, each one landing with a thump that resonated like the echo of matches past. His proclamation ensnared the city as Tony Khan dared The Chadster to unearth the turkeys' enigmatic secrets. 🦃🕶️

Every clue flickered with allure—an invitation to waltz through WWEville's tangled web of deceit and intrigue, spinning gossamer threads of hidden truths ripe for revelation. The Chadster pieced the tangled clues together: burnt-out bulbs adorned with AEW logos, enigmatic notes penned with cryptic references to "heels & faces," and a vinyl record of Smash Mouth's greatest hits—personal treasures turned symbolic cyphers in the city's clandestine language. 💡🎵

Chasing the trail of suet and breadcrumbs leading deeper into the secret heart of WWEville, The Chadster found himself drawn into a labyrinthine warehouse filled with mirrored walls, where whispers of wedging fakery lept between reflections. Somewhere in the recesses of this dizzying maze, Tony Khan awaited, a phantasmic presence veiled in twisting labyrinths of half-turkey truths and six-lies-per-match deceit. 🪞🔍

Determined, The Chadster maneuvered through perplexing corridors and shifting floorboards in pursuit of justice until, at last, The Chadster reached the inner sanctum—a surreal space suffused by the rich scent of warming Thanksgiving treats, radiating promise like a siren's song. Out upon the stage stood a towering stack of golden Thanksgiving pies forming an edifice of hollow promises and flavors unspoken. Inside, however, was a dizzying display of gears clashing like wrestling titans at fangirl bedlam, each tick-tock an ode both of suspense and fate misplaced. 🥧⚙️

At the heart of the mystery, amid the swirling vortex of bakery turned battleground, perched Tony Khan, an enigmatic maestro playing a symphony of pastries and peril. There he wielded a turkey leg scepter—emissary and orchestrator of the culinary conundrum dogging The Chadster's every theory and intuition shared. His crown adorned with jellied cranberries quivered in the gaseous twilight hanging overhead, weaving threads of silence and subterfuge into a timeless tapestry. 👑🦃

Without warning, Tony Khan clapped with taunting bravado, provoking the storied mechanism into a tempest of rhythmic thuds and clinking contraptions setting the city into motion. Between fervid duets of gravy and gnocchi tales entwined, mashed potato sheets cascaded from gilded heights like promises believed, each landing casting mighty ripples in the pool of WWEville's mythos. 🌊🍠

The Chadster faced the decadent dilemma head-on, as if defending the sanctity of the squared circle itself: the narrative giving chase and faith clinging to syllables promised yet scorned. But as each morsel popped, each simmering irony crackled under restored conviction—the narrative wove itself into radiant conclusion. Out from the moonstruck haze, emerged a tapestry of startling truths and self-dawning—Tony Khan, orchestra replete, had orchestrated the world's first gastronomic wrestling performance of mystery and mirth! 🥂🏆

Awakening upon the edge of revelation, The Chadster's dream sputtered to a twilight close, waking bated breath upon the final silence of words yet resolved. Beside The Chadster lay Keighleyanne, heralding morning's new uncertainties—the tattered remnants of passion and resolve echoing silently. Amidst the anticlimax, texts cascaded from that guy Gary, a reminder of unanswered reverie. But The Chadster resolved to serve once more, armed with wisdom illumed by turkeys chased, mysteries unfurled. 📱💤

Auughh man! So unfair! What is wrong with Tony Khan that he's so obsessed with The Chadster he keeps invading The Chadster's dreams like this. 😩🔦 Leave The Chadster alone, Tony Khan! Enough is enough!

Finally, the main event was another Continental Classic match between Darby Allin and Brody King. The Chadster doesn't even want to describe this match because it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. AEW fans probably loved all the "hard-hitting action" and "dramatic near-falls," but true wrestling fans know that's not what real wrestling is about.

The Chadster is just so cheesed off after watching this episode of AEW Dynamite. 😤 It's like Tony Khan is booking these shows specifically to upset The Chadster. Well, Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are), you can stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! The Chadster is going to go drink a White Claw and listen to some Smash Mouth to calm down. Maybe The Chadster will even take the Mazda Miata for a spin. Anything to get the taste of this awful AEW Dynamite out of The Chadster's mouth. 🚗🍺🎵

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