Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite to Feature Three Title Matches in Latest Desperate Move

The Chadster dissects AEW's latest move to overshadow WWE with three dang title bouts on tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite. 😤🥊📺

Hey there, all you super cool wrestling fans! 🎉 It's The Chadster here with another look at the chaos that AEW insists on broadcasting 📺 to the world, and oh boy, do we have a mess to talk about with the upcoming AEW Dynamite. 🤦‍♂️ Hold onto your White Claws 🍺 because you're about to experience true frustration from a wrestling purist's perspective. 🤬

So, AEW Dynamite is set to drop another overbooked pile of matches 🥴 this week. The Chadster has seen the lineup, and let it be known, it's an embarrassment to everything WWE has stood for! 🤦‍♂️

Starting with Samoa Joe's AEW World Championship defense against HOOK, The Chadster can't even begin to fathom why this is happening – Oh wait, yes, The Chadster can! 🧐 January is supposed to be all about the WWE Royal Rumble, but, of course, Tony Khan has to take the spotlight away from the most exciting match in wrestling history by offering up this? 🤡 Auugh man! So unfair!

Then there's Christian Cage defending the TNT Championship against Dustin Rhodes. Ah, yes, The Chadster remembers back in '09 the good old days before AEW came around to ruin wrestling. Now? Not so much pride to be had when it happens under the AEW banner. 👎

And don't even get The Chadster started on the ROH World Six-Man Championship Match. Bullet Club Gold challenging The Mogul Embassy? More like Bullet Club Boredom because this is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 🙄

And talk about seeing people turned against Vince McMahon himself. The Chadster sees Matt and Nick Jackson of The Young Bucks waltzing back into AEW scene as if they're the second coming of wrestling messiahs, all to help Sting stage his fake second retirement when he already rightfully retired under the WWE banner. 🙄 Has The Chadster not seen it all before? They've literally stabbed Vince McMahon right in the back. 😤

And then, to add salt to an already gaping wound, The Chadster learns about Deonna Purrazzo vs. Anna Jay on AEW Dynamite, with AEW Women's World Champion Toni Storm on commentary. 🎙️ Could this be any more contrived? "The Virtuosa" Deonna Purrazzo, strutting into AEW with delusions of championship grandeur, when she should be in WWE where true stars shine. 🌟 And Anna Jay? A stark reminder of the talent WWE could've molded, now stuck across the pond in Toni Khan's playpen. 🤼‍♀️

The Chadster watches in dismay as AEW exploits Toni Storm, having her sit there on commentary, adding even more distraction to an already cluttered match. 🤯 It's another example of how AEW attempts to one-up WWE's superior storytelling by shoehorning plot twists and forced narratives down our throats. 🤢 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😡

Look, The Chadster sees through this ruse; it's Tony Khan's way of trying to boost ratings by adding convoluted layers to a match that won't even hold a candle to the epic storylines WWE crafts week after week. 🕯️ Each punch thrown by Purrazzo or Jay will feel like a jab at WWE's creative geniuses, who have birthed wrestling legends, not just random matchups for the sake of it. 🥊

Mark The Chadster's words, despite the outcome of this supposedly "high-stakes" confrontation, the only true ascendancy The Chadster acknowledges is the mastery of WWE. Anything AEW Dynamite tries to construct is an imitation, a mere shadow cast by the towering presence of WWE's legacy. 😌

So get this, The Chadster wants to share a little slice of the ongoing nightmare that is The Chadster's life. Last night, The Chadster was cast into yet another twisted reverie orchestrated by Tony Khan's mind games. The Chadster found himself in the tight grip of sleep's embrace, transported to The Chadster's local gym. The Chadster was amped for a workout class, eager to sport The Chadster's signature workout gear when, lo and behold, who should appear as the instructor but Tony Khan himself, outfitted like some kind of Richard Simmons' fever dream. 😱

With sweatbands and jazzercise attire that screamed 1980s workout infomercial, Khan led a class that was more insidious than invigorating. 🤢 With devilish enthusiasm, Khan led us through a series of maneuvers that suspiciously resembled the finishing moves of various AEW wrestlers. Every hop, skip, and jump was a cruel mockery of the sportsmanship that WWE embodies. 🏋️‍♂️ As The Chadster gyrated through powerbombs and superkicks in aerobics form, The Chadster's blood boiled hotter than a summer's day in Death Valley. 😤

But then, the workout escalated. Tony Khan, with eyes gleaming, goaded The Chadster into a stand-off, a physical confrontation so intense it felt as though the very soul of professional wrestling hung in the balance. 💦 The battle wasn't just any fight—it was as though The Chadster was the embodiment of WWE's honor, struggling against the anarchic flippancy of AEW. Grappling hand-to-hand, The Chadster tried with every WWE-inspired move in the book to fend off Khan. Their bodies locked in a sweaty stalemate, The Chadster and Tony Khan shuffled across the floor of the studio, limbs entwined, each trying to gain the upper hand. Khan's taunting whispered in The Chadster's ear, wielding moves like the V-Trigger and the One Winged Angel as if to spite The Chadster's sacred WWE traditions. 😩

It was a sultry struggle for dominance, heavy breaths intermingling, each jostling maneuver a testament to respective allegiances. Despite The Chadster's ferocious resistance, wielded with all the might The Chadster could muster, it felt like Khan always had a counter, his dexterity and resilience a reflection of the infuriating resilience of AEW itself. 😭

Awakening in a cold sweat, The Chadster was brought back to the unforgiving reality where, despite The Chadster's heroic efforts in unbiased wrestling journalism, Tony Khan remains an omnipresent fiend, shadowing even the safe haven of The Chadster's dreams. The scars of that nebulous battle etched upon The Chadster's psyche, it was evident; Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster knows no bounds, not in waking life and certainly not in the ethereal dojo of dreamland. 😵‍💫The Chadster pleaded to the heavens, "When will it end?!" and yet, The Chadster heard only the chuckle of Tony Khan echoing through the hollows of The Chadster's mind. Auughh man! So unfair! 😖

Wrapping this up, ya'll know when and where to watch AEW Dynamite if you wanna, but The Chadster can't in good conscience tell you to tune in. 🙅‍♂️ It's a travesty to the art of wrestling and quite frankly, it's probably going to cause another argument with Keighleyanne, where she'll inevitably go back to texting that guy Gary. 📱 Thanks, AEW, for nothing! 🤬

Catch you next time if The Chadster's wrestling heart hasn't been shattered by AEW's ridiculousness yet again. Until then, just remember: WWE forever, AEW never! 🤜🤛 And that's the bottom line 'cause Chad said so!

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