Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, wrestling

AEW Rampage Preview: a Peanut Butter and Jelly Fiasco

Join The Chadster's AEW Rampage rant as Tony Khan personally cheeses off WWE's #1 fan by befouling his PB&J sandwich! 😡🥪🤼‍♂️

Hey there, all you stars of the sports entertainment universe, The Chadster here to talk about the absolute atrocity that's about to unfold on your screens with tonight's episode of AEW Rampage. 😤👎

Now listen up, because The Chadster has just had it up to here with AEW's constant shenanigans! 😠 Just when you thought they couldn't get any more disrespectful, they go and schedule a show like AEW Rampage for this Friday night. 🚨❌

First off, let's talk about what's "planned" for the show. 📝 We've got Anna Jay versus Mariah May, basically setting the stage for yet another popularity contest instead of focusing on, ya know, actual wrestling. The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off that AEW keeps pushing these stunts over the authentic in-ring storytelling that WWE absolutely nails every time it steps into the ring! 💔😩

And then there's the so-called "unexpected" result of Jake Hager coming to the aid of Orange Cassidy against Roderick Strong. This kind of booking is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡🤼‍♂️

Don't even get The Chadster started on the 3-Way Trios Match; the combination of teams like Action Andretti & Top Flight versus a jumbled mix of other wrestlers reeks of desperation. 🙄🤦‍♂️ It's almost as if Tony Khan is purposely trying to thumb his nose at the very idea of tag team cohesion and storytelling. The Chadster bets Triple H is shaking his head in disappointment! 🤬💔

And as if all that wasn't bad enough, we're subjected to hearing from Sammy Guevara and watching The Young Bucks strut around doing who-knows-what. Ever heard of Too Much Too Soon, Tony? Textbook example right here. 👎📚

Now, let's get real personal for a moment and talk about a very distressing thing that happened to The Chadster at lunchtime today. The Chadster was kicking back, ready to chow down on a perfectly crafted PB&J sandwich – the comfort food of champions, only to face an assault on The Chadster's humble pantry. 😩🍞 There, in the untouched sea of a brand new jar of creamy Skippy peanut butter, someone etched the initials AEW with what had to be meticulous villainy, the blatant logo staring back at The Chadster as if mocking The Chadster's choice in sports entertainment nourishment! 🥪😠

No ordinary vandal broke into The Chadster's kitchen to desecrate The Chadster's peanut butter jar. The Chadster suspects the mastermind behind this psychological warfare can be none other than Tony Khan himself, leaving his mark inside The Chadster's own fortress of solitude. 😤👀

Determined to confront the egregious acts of food tampering, The Chadster grabbed the phone with a heart heavy – yet hands steady for justice – and dialed the Skippy customer hotline. The seconds ticked away with tension you could slice with a plastic knife until a voice answered, oozing with a familiarity that made The Chadster's stomach churn worse than a budget blender. 📞🥴

"Hello, this is… uh, Skip," greeted the voice that tickled The Chadster's ears with dubious recognition. It was none other than what The Chadster could swear on The Chadster's stack of pristine, mint-condition WWE trading cards was Tony Khan's dulcet tones. 😲🃏

"Oh hey there, Skip," The Chadster edged in with suspicion. "The Chadster has a problem with one of your products. There's this… logo. Not just any logo, but the AEW logo, sculpted into The Chadster's peanut butter! Ain't that a kick in the head?" 😡🥜

There was a pause, a silence where you could hear a spreadable oil drop, then a lurking chuckle that sent shivers down The Chadster's spine. 😶🥶

"You don't say? Well, sir, it sounds like a… special edition, just for you," the voice teased with a hidden smirk. "Perhaps it's a sign, a message even, for you, Chad. Maybe, just maybe, someone wants you to tune into AEW Rampage tonight," the voice snaked through the receiver, slithering around The Chadster's better judgment. 😏🐍

"Look, this isn't funny, and The Chadster demands satisfaction! This is a stinkin' travesty! You don't just invade a man's PB&J!" The Chadster protested, but the conversation was nearing its inevitable, chilly conclusion. ❄️🗣️

"Chad, remember… AEW Rampage, tonight. Don't miss out," the imposter Skip, or should The Chadster say Tony Khan, whispered ominously before the call ended with a click that echoed in The Chadster's ears long after. 👂💔

There it was, The Chadster's lunch and mental peace, upended by none other than Tony Khan – if that was even his real name. And now, The Chadster has to explain to Keighleyanne why the Skippy jar is in the trash and why The Chadster is vexed beyond belief, not just at a wrestling show but now at peanut butter too. 😩🗑️

In conclusion, folks, AEW continues to baffle the very foundation of what it means to be a professional wrestling show. Despite The Chadster's clearly unbiased expertise in the wrestling field (right alongside the paragons of objective journalism, Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger, of course), it's like Tony Khan has a personal vendetta to make The Chadster's life miserable. 😔💼

So, here's the real talk: you *can* watch AEW Rampage tonight at 10/9c on TNT, but why would you want to? Watching Tony Khan's circus parade is bad for your wrestling heart.💔 Instead, why not do something productive, like listen to Smash Mouth or go for a spin in a sweet Mazda Miata. Let's leave AEW to their own devices and stick to the real deal, like WWE, that stands the test of time. Trust The Chadster, your Friday night will be better off for it. 😎🚗🎸🎵👌

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