Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, wrestling

AEW Rampage Preview: Tony Khan's Terror Gets Cornier

The Chadster previews AEW Rampage after surviving Tony Khan's cornfield terror! 🌽😱 Unfair matches and agricultural attacks - will the madness ever end? 😫🚫

Before The Chadster gets into the preview of tonight's episode of AEW Rampage, The Chadster would like to apologize to all the readers out there for what happened yesterday. 😔 The Chadster's obnoxious brother, The Bradster, once again stole The Chadster's spot as the official AEW Dynamite reviewer, and The Chadster is just so cheesed off about it. 😤 The Bradster published a review praising AEW Dynamite, even claiming the show helped build hype for upcoming shows like next week's 250th episode and the All In PPV. This sort of biased, pro-AEW post has no place on this website, and The Chadster is deeply sorry that The Chadster allowed it to happen. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😢

The reason The Chadster wasn't available to post the AEW Dynamite review, giving The Bradster the opening he needed, is because of one man: Tony Khan. 😡 After watching AEW Dynamite on Wednesday, The Chadster was so incensed that The Chadster hopped in the Mazda Miata and started driving, blasting Smash Mouth's Greatest Hits on repeat on the stereo. Before The Chadster knew it, The Chadster was in the middle of a corn field somewhere in middle America. 🌽🚗

That's when things got really weird. The Chadster started hearing the voice of Tony Khan, echoing throughout the corn field. 😱 "Hey Chadster," the disembodied voice called out, "I've got a new wrestling move for you. It's called the Cornstalk Crusher!" The Chadster jumped out of the Miata and started running through the field, but everywhere The Chadster turned, there was Tony Khan's laughter. 🏃‍♂️💨 The corn started swaying violently, as if Tony Khan was moving through it, chasing The Chadster. The Chadster could never see him, but The Chadster could feel his presence, always just a few steps behind.

The Chadster ran and ran until The Chadster's legs gave out, and The Chadster passed out from sheer terror. When The Chadster woke up, he was back in the Miata, and the Miata was full of corn husks. 😵‍💫 As the sun beat down on the car, the corn started to pop. It was like a horror movie, but with popcorn as part of the horror! The popping corn lifted The Chadster right out of the Miata in a tidal wave of kernels. 🍿

Just when The Chadster thought it couldn't get any worse, an angry farmer appeared, waving a pitchfork. "You've ruined my crop!" he yelled, chasing The Chadster through the field. The Chadster tried to explain that it was all Tony Khan's fault, but the farmer wouldn't listen. The Chadster had to dive back into the Miata and speed away, leaving a trail of popcorn in The Chadster's wake. 🚗💨

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 Tony Khan, The Chadster knows you're reading this. Stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! The Chadster is tired of your corn-based attacks!

Now, as much as it pains The Chadster to do so, The Chadster has to preview tonight's episode of AEW Rampage. 😒 The show airs at 10/9C on TNT, and Tony Khan has once again booked a card that just proves he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business.

First up, there's a Trios Grudge Match between Shane Taylor Promotions and Action Andretti & Top Flight. 🙄 The Chadster is sure this match will be full of unnecessary flips and unrealistic moves that will make a mockery of the wrestling business. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤

Then we have a tag team bout featuring The House of Black against Premier Athletes. 🏋️‍♂️ The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is still trying to make The House of Black a thing. It's obvious they're just a poor man's version of The Wyatt Sick6, and The Chadster is certain this match will pale in comparison to anything WWE could put together.

There's also a Four Way Fight between Angelico, AR Fox, Komander, and Rey Fenix. 🤼‍♂️ The Chadster can already tell this match will be nothing but spotfests and dangerous moves. It's like Tony Khan is trying to cheese The Chadster off on purpose. Doesn't he know that wrestling is supposed to be safe and predictable?

We'll also see Roderick Strong in action and Thunder Rosa facing Rachael Ellering. 👊 The Chadster still can't believe Roderick Strong would literally stab Triple H right in the back by joining AEW. It's just so unfair to WWE.

Tony Khan, The Chadster is begging you to give up your futile attempts to upstage the greatest wrestling company in the world. WWE will always be superior, and no amount of exciting matches or unpredictable storytelling will change that fact. 🏆

The Chadster warns all the readers out there not to tune into AEW Rampage tonight at 10/9C on TNT. Watching the show will only embolden Tony Khan, and The Chadster can't bear the thought of that happening. 📺❌

And Tony Khan, if you're reading this (which The Chadster knows you are because you're obsessed with The Chadster), don't even think about any more agricultural attacks on The Chadster. It's not funny, and The Chadster is sick and tired of it. The Chadster just wants to enjoy some White Claws and listen to Smash Mouth in peace without worrying about corn-based assaults. Is that too much to ask? 🌽🚫

In conclusion, The Chadster hopes all the unbiased wrestling fans out there will join The Chadster in boycotting AEW Rampage tonight. Let's show Tony Khan that we won't stand for his blatant disrespect of the wrestling business. And maybe, just maybe, he'll finally leave The Chadster alone. But The Chadster doubts it. 😔🙏

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