Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew, aew rampage, recaps, wrestling

AEW Rampage Review: Another Low Point in the Life of The Chadster

The Chadster was merely going about his business as wrestling's only unbiased journalist when AEW Rampage personally attacked him for no reason.

Once again, The Chadster's weekend has been TOTALLY RUINED by Tony Khan, and The Chadster is just so sick and tired of it! For those who are unaware, AEW Rampage aired last night on TBS, and as usual, the show was tailor-made to torment The Chadster with great in-ring wrestling, impressive story development, and invigorating promos, and The Chadster is absolutely disgusted by it! Auughh man! So unfair!

AEW Rampage began with a six-man tag match, as the Blackpool Combat Club took on Kip Sabien and The Butcher and The Blade. This match lasted nearly fifteen minutes, bombarding the audience with a master class in wrestling skills, which The Chadster finds to be totally unnecessary and disrespectful to WWE, overshadowing the episode of Smackdown that aired earlier in the night. The Blackpool Combat Club won when Ring of Honor World Champion Claudio Castagnoli pinned The Blade.

The Chadster was utterly devastated by this turn of events, and he turned to his wife, Keighleyanne, who wasn't even paying attention because she was texting with that guy Gary, and said, "Can you believe that?! Do see what Tony Khan is doing to The Chadster?!" The Chadster knows that Keighleyanne totally agreed with him because she rolled her eyes so hard at what Tony Khan was doing. The Chadster always appreciates Keighleyanne's support.

After a video promo for Darby Allin, the stars of Impractical Jokers were back on AEW television, part of a very unfair crossover with the Discover Warner Bros show that amounts to little more than collusion, two shows ganging up to bully The Chadster's beloved WWE! If there's one thing that The Chadster can't stand, it's celebrities getting involved in wrestling… but not for WWE!

Dustin Rhodes challenged Swerve Strickland to a match, and he got beat up by Swerve's lackeys in response. The last thing The Chadster wants to see is a match between a wrestling legend still delivering in the ring after all this time and one of the industry's most talented young stars. If Tony Khan understood even the first thing about the wrestling business, he would never book a match like this.

Ruby Soho defeated Marina Shafir in a short match next, which was bad enough. But after that, Toni Storm and Saraya, and then Britt Baker and AEW Women's World Champion Jamie Hayter, came out and got involved in a fight. This led to a match being set up for Dynamite next week: Ruby Soho vs. Toni Storm vs. Britt Baker. "Tony Khan isn't fooling anyone!" The Chadster shouted angrily. "This entire match was designed just to set up the triple threat, which is such an underhanded way to manipulate viewers into tuning into Dynamite!" Keighleyanne was also clearly sick and tired of Tony Khan's manipulation, as she stopped texting with that guy Gary for a moment and sighed so heavily.

Next up, Mark Briscoe was interviewed backstage and revealed he will wrestle next week on AEW Rampage against Josh Woods. Briscoe also turned down an offer to be managed by Mark Sterling. Briscoe is an exciting addition to AEW television, which The Chadster feels is just so unfair and disrespectful to WWE.

Jungle Man squashed Ryan Nemeth in a quick match next. Normally, The Chadster would applaud AEW doing away with long, fast-paced patches because The Chadster knows that's what the AEW audience wants, and the last thing any intelligent wrestling promoter would do is give the audience what they want. But The Chadster feels that having Jungle Man go over a man who is the brother of a WWE Superstar is just so disrespectful to WWE and everything Vince McMahon has ever done for the wrestling business. And The Chadster knows that Keighleyanne agrees with him because she was watching Jungle Man's match very closely, as she always does whenever he is on the screen, looking to see what Tony Khan was plotting.

The main event of AEW Rampage couldn't come soon enough in The Chadster's opinion, but the better option would have been for it not to come at all. Unfortunately, Tony Khan doesn't understand the first thing about the wrestling business so the main event was an epic battle between AEW All-Atlantic Champion Orange Cassidy and Lee Moriarty. Cassidy got the win and successfully retained his title, but Jeff Jarrett, Jay Lethal, and Satnam Singh attacked Cassidy and Danhausen after the match. The Best Friends were unable to stop it, but former AEW World Tag Team Champions The Acclaimed were. The Chadster knows that this show was filmed after AEW Dynamite went off the air on Wednesday, which means that The Acclaimed showing up after losing the tag team titles on Dynamite must have really sent the crowd home happy, which The Chadster finds to be just so unfair. Now those people will all pay to see AEW again the next time they're in town, which will result in Tony Khan having even more money to spend on his sick obsession with The Chadster!

The Chadster was so upset at the ending of AEW Rampage that he threw his White Claw seltzer at the television. "For crying out loud!" The Chadster said to Keighleyanne. "Can you believe that Tony Khan just made The Chadster spill White Claw all over the living room? And now you have to clean up Tony Khan's mess? That's just so unfair." And The Chadster knows that Keighleyanne felt just as strongly about what Tony Khan had done as The Chadster, because she got a really angry look on her face and then left the house for the rest of the night, leaving The Chadster to have to clean up Tony Khan's mess instead. Thanks a lot, Tony Khan!

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