Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: saraya, wrestling

AEW Shocker: Saraya Dishes Dirt on Departure from Company

Comrades! El Presidente reports on Saraya's shocking AEW exit announcement! But what she said will surprise you more than when the CIA replaced my caviar with fish eggs!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my gold-plated hot tub where I am entertaining several WWE executives who insist they are not here to recruit talent! Ha ha! I joke, comrades… or do I? Today, I bring you explosive news that will surely rock the wrestling world to its core! Now former AEW star Saraya has announced her departure from Tony Khan's wrestling promotion in what can only be described as a SHOCKING REVELATION on her podcast!

Cue dramatic music

Now, comrades, when wrestlers leave companies, we expect the kind of dirt that would make even my friend Vladimir Putin blush! We anticipate tales of backstage politics that rival the complexity of my own overthrow of the capitalist regime in my glorious nation! We hunger for the bitter complaints and salty tears that flow like the champagne at Fidel's birthday parties (may he rest in revolutionary peace)!

But what Saraya had to say will leave you more stunned than that time the American CIA replaced my morning coffee with decaf as part of their psychological warfare campaign!

Are you ready for the explosive comments? Prepare yourselves, comrades!

"I had an amazing time there. There's no bad blood between us. I had such a magical time," Saraya revealed on her podcast, in comments obtained exclusively by Entertainment Weekly before the podcast's release tomorrow, using what I can only assume are top espionage tactics learned from my enemies at the CIA themselves.

Gasp

I know what you're thinking, comrades. "El Presidente, surely this is CIA propaganda! No wrestler leaves a company with positive things to say! This violates the sacred tradition of burning bridges that dates back to the territory days!"

But it's true! Saraya continued her shocking positivity by explaining her reasoning: "It's just me thinking that I just don't fit in right now. I feel like I might be taking someone else's spot, someone who could be doing something really special."

This selfless attitude reminds me of the time Che Guevara and I were watching WrestleMania III together, and he turned to me and said, "El Presidente, sometimes the most revolutionary act is to step aside and let others shine." Of course, he was just trying to get me to move because I was blocking his view of the Savage-Steamboat match, but the wisdom remains!

But wait, there's more! Is Saraya permanently closing the door on AEW? Not at all!

"That's not to say I will never come back to AEW — I absolutely love it. But I'm taking a little step back and focusing on myself for a bit, and putting my energy into the podcast with all the crew here," she explained.

Comrades, this level of maturity and professionalism reminds me of socialist ideals – thinking of the collective good rather than individual glory! Perhaps Saraya has been reading Marx in her spare time? I must send her a copy of my own bestselling book, "How to Run a Wrestling Promotion and a Country Simultaneously" as a token of appreciation! Eric Bischoff was a big fan of the book, I hear.

And just when you think this shocking tell-all couldn't get any more positive, Saraya delivers the final blow to the tradition of bitter wrestling departures:

"Thank you, AEW. Thank you to the AEW fans — I loved my f***ing time there. Tony's f***ing awesome. And anyone that goes to work there will just enjoy their time. It's just great."

Clutches revolutionary medal in disbelief

This, comrades, is unheard of in the wrestling business! A departure without accusations? No claims of being "held back"? No complaints about creative? Not even one tiny criticism of catering? The wrestling tribalism gods must be furious!

This reminds me of the time Kim Jong-un and I attended a ROH show together, and he couldn't stop talking about how wrestling would be better if everyone just got along. Of course, that was before he had too many Mike's Hard Lemonades and tried to book himself in a match against Jay Lethal, but that's a story for another day.

In all seriousness, comrades, Saraya's departure from AEW appears to be one of those rare instances where both parties are parting on good terms. Tony Khan has not yet commented publicly on Saraya's exit, but based on her comments, there seems to be nothing but mutual respect.

For a business built on worked animosity, it's refreshingly socialist to see such comradery between worker and management! Perhaps the revolution in wrestling relationships has finally begun!

This is your El Presidente, signing off from my diamond-encrusted media center, where I am now preparing to watch old episodes of Dynamite while my intelligence team analyzes them for CIA messages. Until next time, keep your suplexes high and your bridges unburned, comrades!

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