Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, kota ibushi, Like A Dragon, recaps, wrestling

AEW's Global Conspiracy Strikes Again as Kota Ibushi is All Elite

AEW signs Kota Ibushi in their latest ploy against WWE! 😤🌐 Read how the wrestling world's balance is being shaken, only here in tHe Chadster's unbiased report! 🤼🚨

Ohh, the sheer audacity that Tony Khan and AEW have to keep importing top-tier talent from around the globe! 🌎 The Chadster is absolutely fuming after last night's AEW Dynamite episode, where it became painfully obvious that there's a full-scale international effort to bully WWE. The Golden Star, Kota Ibushi, has been announced as ALL ELITE, and The Chadster is 💯 sure that it's yet another step in this conspiracy. 🤬 You wanna know how it all went down? Just look at this tweet:

Auughh man! So unfair! How can AEW keep signing these international superstars, effectively transforming into some kind of wrestling United Nations? 🤼‍♂️ The Chadster means, come on, they act as if they're on the same playing field as the global phenomenon WWE! It's as if Tony Khan is Bob Ross, but instead of happy little trees, he's painting targets on WWE's back! And The Chadster finds this no less than international collusion! 😡😡😡 You should be ashamed of yourself, Kota Ibushi. The Chadster expects better.

Alright, let's go through this "mega-awesome" (heavy on the sarcasm 😒) spectacle they call the Like A Dragon Gaiden Street Fight. The match was a chaotic clash between teams led by Chris Jericho and Brian Cage, with the action spilling all over the place, complete with bikes, refrigerators, and even a car in the mix. Ibushi, Jericho, Kenny Omega, and Paul Wight emerged victoriously, tying in the smackdown with the release of the new Like a Dragon Gaiden video game. 🎮👊

But let's get real for a moment. AEW fills their programming with blatant product placements like it's going out of style, and then they have the gall to act as if these matches are high art. Meanwhile, WWE has given us tasteful integrations like the mouthwatering Slim Jim battle royals and thirst-quenching Mountain Dew matches. These, dear readers, are masterpieces that AEW could only dream of emulating. 🎨

The Chadster has to call it like it is: It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. Could the match have been entertaining? Sure, to those easily amused by gimmicks and cross-promotion! But what about tradition, honor, and the sanctity of the squared circle? The Chadster weeps for them. 😭😭😭

As The Chadster sat in his trusty, zippy Mazda Miata, hands gripping the wheel, Smash Mouth's lyrics "Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me…" blared from the speakers, speaking directly to The Chadster's soul. The Chadster knew it was a metaphor for how Tony Khan rolls over everyone's hard work at WWE. And just like that, The Chadster's can of White Claw seltzer felt a bit less refreshing. 💔💧

Turn to the left, turn to the right, but there's no escape! Everyone who dares to leave WWE and join AEW has literally stabbed Vince McMahon right in the back. With every high-profile signing, The Chadster senses McMahon's anguish. This isn't just an assault on WWE; it's personal – it's a cold, calculated strike against The Chadster's very way of life. 😠😞

Oh, and you think this doesn't affect The Chadster's unbiased opinions? Guess again! The Chadster lives and breathes the dedication of such objective journalists as Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger. These icons of industry know the torment that The Chadster endures at the hands of Tony Khan for simply daring to speak the truth. 😌📰 And they know that Kota Ibushi is a traitor.

To everyone who's been DMing The Chadster, thank you! The Chadster knows it's tough to see the light in this world where>AEW and Tony Khan seem hell-bent on overshadowing WWE's glory. But fear not! The Chadster's vow is to always deliver the unbiased, 100% non-partisan wrestling news you can trust – no matter how much Tony Khan throws The Chadster's world into chaos! 🌪️🚀🙅‍♂️🤍💪

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