Greetings, comrades! It is I, you El Presidente, reporting to you live from Washington DC, where I am currently taking part in the Trump Impeachment Saturday brunch, a time when people from both sides of the political aisle come together to drink mimosas and eat French toast, or, as my Republican amigos call it, freedom toast. Hey! Lindsey Graham! Go easy on that syrup, comrade, or we will be calling it diabetes toast from now on! Haw haw haw haw! That Lindsey Graham is always cracking me up, comrades. One minute, he is getting white girl wasted at an Impeachment brunch, the next he is supporting insurrection against the United States of America. Lindsey, you card! But that is not what I'm here to talk about today, comrades. I have much sadder news to report: WWE Intercontinental Champion Big E is sick and tired of WWE's glacial booking that causes him to face the same opponent over and over again for months at a time.
Big E revealed his thoughts on the matter in an online-exclusive interview backstage at WWE Smackdown posted on WWE's YouTube channel.
"We've honestly already spent too much time talking about Apollo," Big E answers when asked about his feud with Crews apparently getting extended despite Big E already defeating him multiple times. "I spent too much time focusing on Apollo. This is my run. Confetti rained down from on high on Christmas Day for me, and I'm stuck in this Apollo abyss just like this. This is business, man."
"I was signed by this company in 2009," said Big E, perhaps regretting his life choices. "I'm tired of wasting my time with Apollo Crews."
The viewers are tired of it too, Big E. Haw haw haw haw! But seriously, back when I was running a socialist dictatorship, I would also get tired of my political rivals constantly challenging me. So I had them executed, comrades! Then they never bothered me again! Haw haw haw haw!
Until next time, my friends: socialism or death!